igfan

me again - got home last night and my husband had brought home 2 cases of beer! I had good intentions - but......... I've been thinking about making a list of reasons why i want to quit drinking and reasons i don't want to quit drinking. Maybe i'll show this list to my H and he'll get a better understanding of what it is i'm going through. Meanwhile....I'm back at step 1

ASH

Step one is the place to start!
You have a good idea with the list, it helps just to write things down, you might want to post some of them here?
Take care

TheLivingEnd

I know how you feel. Every day i come home from work i see my mom drinking and it so hard i want to drink but i don't but at times i want to spend time with her and do not because i know it will lead to me drinking and then to me taking oxys.

Chy

It's very difficult when you have little or no support at home. Find a means of support in your area with others like you to help you through those difficult times. You don't have to join in just because it's there you know! Now stay strong!

CarolD

Read your sig line....

Glad you are trying again.

igfan

[QUOTE=CarolD]Read your sig line....

you're right Carol - that's why i like that saying......'cause i know that's the only way my life will ever change.

Did mention to my husband last night (after a full day of drinking) that i would like to quit (Feb 5th will be my last hurrah) - he didn't have a problem with me saying i want to quit, but did ask if that meant i would be gone every afternoon to meetings. He just doesn't understand why meetings are important. I guess he thinks i should just be able to stop drinking and that's that even though we have a few friends who have 3, 4, 15 & 17 years behind them and he knows it wasn't that simple for them, but i don't think he puts me in the same category as them ("raging alchoholics" is what he calls them). I don't even think he thinks I'm an alcoholic at all. How can i make him understand and put his stereotypes away - he doesn't even think it's hereditary (sp) even though my brother is a "raging" alcoholic and my mother (unadmittedly) is an alcoholic. Oh well, I am going to make that list if not for him, for myself to remind me why i need to stop.

CarolD

Good idea... stay strong and stand proud for seeking sobriety.

igfan

Here's a start - Pros & Cons of NOT drinking:Feel free to add to it.
PROS
1. NO HANGOVERS (working on a doozy this morning)
2. think clearly
3. remember what u did and said the night before
4. wake up and not feel ashamed or guilty
5. feel better about yourself
6. more energy

CONS
Hmmmmm.........can't think of any

na4today

Our husbands sound alot alike. He didn't understand why I went to meetings. He didn't think I had a problem. He couldn't be married to a junkie. I don't feel like I need to make him understand. Over time he saw the change in me. And he realized what I had tried to make him understand. My husband brings beer home now and then and he still smokes pot. I had to choose what was right for me. It's not always easy!! I had to create my own support network. And I have to remember where I was and where I am now. That helps me be stronger than that urge to join him.

ASH

Great list, most of the reasons I quit are on there too. I dont know how old you are, but I persisted long enough in my drinking career that I really had to consider the long term effects on my health, (body and brain), not to metion carreer and relationships.
Keep adding to your list, and hope you feel better tomorrow

igfan

I had said previously that Feb 5th would be my last hurrah - that is because (for you non-sport lovers) Feb 5th is the Super Bowl and hopefully my team (Patriots) are in it. Anyway, every year we have a huge party (Kegs & Eggs we call it - cause we start drinking with breakfast) and i didn't want to put myself in a position where i relapse and beat myself up over it for another few months, but as i sit here today with one of the worst hangovers i've had in a long time i say to myself "self, why not quit today and if by some miracle you're still not drinking by Feb 5th, maybe you won't want to drink that day". Even if i do, i've already made a commitment to myself that that's D-day and i will start on a program the next day to get my life back under control and do what's best for me, not what i think everyone else wants. That my friends is my plan for today. I hope i can sit here tomorrow and the next day and tell y'all that i still haven't drank and i hope i can sit here on Monday, Feb 6th and tell y'all that i didn't have kegs with my eggs!

earlybird

All you have to do is get up everyday and not drink THAT day. The first few months MAY take that concious of an effort, but, soon it becomes something that you JUST do. You start to no longer view yourself as a drunk struggling to stay sober, ..........and soon view yourself as a recovering alcoholic. The effort becomes much, much less concious. Trust me. Dont think of SuperBowl Sunday as the day you told yourself would be your last hoorah. Im guessing that since you are on this site and viewing yourself as an alcoholic, that it ceased being a "hoorah" long ago and perhaps has been a "horror" instead. ........Rather,...why dont you start now? SuperBowl Sunday is three weeks away. You may feel very very different by then. Sobriety may be just part of who you are by then. But keeping it as your last hoorah is just setting yourself up to fail. Remember,....nothing EVER works that way. You dont do one more line of coke. You dont sleep with your abusive husband or wife ONE MORE time. If you're a chronic gambler, you dont bet HUGE one last time on the horses or big game. You just dont. Those activities dont cease to exist after you decide to quit. What I mean is,.....the SuperBowl comes every January. Making this one your last hoorah, sounds easy, and nice now,.....but you will have to deal with it EVERY YEAR. Why not start now? Giving yourself ONE MORE of anything is just an excuse. Ill quit tomorrow, I stop tomorrow,...Ill do it tomorrow. Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. We've all heard it before. If you want to give up your drug of choice, you MUST give up the lifestyle. Not later,....now. I used to go out to the bar every sunday during football season. Ive been sober two years. I havent gone to ONE bar or watched even one WHOLE football game. Priorities have changed. I didnt TRY and change those priorities. They just DID. And may I just ask,.....what kind of friends are these that if they know you have a problem, would still help you with even ONE last hoorah? Obviously they are crappy friends or not even REALLY friends, but just drinking buddies, or dont really even care about anything but their own good time. You are struggling with a huge life altering problem and they havent even noticed???? Nice friends. By the way,.....who drives during this keg and egg filled day?? Is anyone there to drive a car in the event of an emergency? Or have you incapacitated yourselves so that nobody can even drive to an emergency room if needed? Are there kids there? If not, does anyone have to go back home to their kids? If so,...too drunk to safely care for them? Dont these people have to go back to work on Monday? Normal people dont plan a day where they begin drinking at breakfast and all through the rest of the day. Alcoholics do. And its the disease telling you that you have "one last hoorah" left in you. The idea is that you still have your health. You havent killed anyone yet. Or yourself. One last hoorah could be that one more day needed to get you that drunk driving or alcohol poisoning or life-changing mistake you have been so lucky to have dodged all these years of alcohol abuse. Dont tempt fate. Be glad you are thinking of quitting now and take advantage of it. Those are things that few people ever think of. It works if you want it. We are here to help you if you really want it. But dont come on a sobriety seeking site and say you plan on going out in one last blaze of glory. I guarantee it wont be your last if you do. Or,................maybe it really will be

igfan

Earlybird - all i can say is "wow". I didn't mean to strike a nerve, but it's exactly what i needed to hear. I did alot of thinking last night and my 4 year old daughter said something to me that gave me the wake up call i needed. I have a totally different look on things now, i do want to quit for good, i don't want to drink Superbowl Sunday and i want a better life for myself and my family.

Thanks

BSPGirl

At this SMART site they taught me this lil thing called CBA (Cost Benefit Analysis) it basically comes down to writing down what you like about your addiction and what you disliked about your addiction and then what you think you'll like about being clean/sober and what you won't like about being clean/sober, it helps to look at that at times. Good luck to you!

earlybird

You didnt strike a nerve. This disease did. I hate it. It ruins good people. You sound like a very nice, intelligent, loving person. This disease struck that nerve,..not you. Im glad I could help. I hope you take my advice and the multitude of great advice my fellow recovering addicts post everyday on this site. It helps. I credit my sobriety to God, my sponsor, me......but also this site. Sometimes I think its the last nail I drove into my "support beam" that finally held it firm. Think of how bad your friends will feel at work on "SuperHell" Monday. And how great you will feel. Alert, well rested, and happy with yourself for doing something about your addiction. It puts a smile on your face just thinking about the postive change you're making. It feels good to be an asset to the world instead of a liability.

YOU - CAN - DO - THIS !!! And we will help you

now,...do the sobriety dance ----->

igfan

well, i don't know about the well rested part, i will still be up late watching the game and playing cards, but hopefully not hungover. Thanks for your encouragement and i will definitely keep your words in mind.

Day 4 - woo hoo!

Sugasnaps

You know... wow... just... wow.

igfan I am only 46 days sober and I so remember my "this is my last one!" thoughts... my "ok, THIS is my LAST one... I mean it! only to have a week or two pass by and have the thought I should quit drinking (again) "ok, on Monday, my very last drink - again". The ability to just do it wasn't there for me for a long time. Thankfully, I finally got there and am so happy I did before that life-altering bullet hit me.

I'm so impressed and proud of you that you decided to HELL with my LAST HOORAH and started now rather than later. Bloody good job!

Congratulations on your day 4! That is 4 days that alcohol cannot claim from your life ever again. Those days are ALL yours - you own em. Yay!

As for your husband's unwillingness to believe you are an alcoholic. Denial isn't only just for us... it can certainly be for our loved ones. They don't want to think of you in that light. They don't want to believe that something like that could happen to someone they love. When I first thought of alcoholics... I used to think they were filthy, with the eau de urine about them... bums basically. Which is way f'd up cuz my Grandpa was an alcoholic as was my Mom and Dad but growing up I didn't know that... I thought it was normal. LoL how lame is that... I had NO clue that I lived with alcoholics. I thought old people (My grandpa) all drank scotch at breakfast, sat around all day eating peanuts, watching TV and went to bed at 7pm - all cuz that's what old people do. To this day when I smell scotch, peanuts and peppermint I think of my Grandpop. Anyway, I digress...

Back to your husband's acceptance issue. Maybe just sit him down and in the most serious way you can offer to share with him the pain you have been going through and your struggle with drinking. Give him examples and tell him how it's changed you and you need his support.

Grats again on day 4!

Suga