mygirl971

I'm here writing I guess because I'm confused, scared, and in need of a ear all comments are welcome please!

I believe my husband is an addict allthough he says his doctors says because it's not recreational hes not addicted.....wtf he has been taking high does of pain meds oxy and percocet for 10 years and hes not addicted come on. It has effected our relationship in many ways.

Latley I have been going thru my own turmoil awaiting test results for MS and of course with no support from my husband because he is always consumed by the horriable pain he is in even with the extremley high doeses of medication he takes on a daily basis....you see this is one of the effects on our marraige he is always cosumed with him.....very selfish and has no thought or regard for me in my time of need for companionship....and it was not always like this....any thoughts please

mjln_1975

I am sorry to hear about your situation. My thoughts are with you and if i may offer any help or advice that is any way of use, i am willing to do so.

have you asked him what he thinks? does he think that his actions mirror those of others? has he ever been to meetings or on here?

mygirl971

No he feels no need for meetings or fourms when there are no problems and he doctor backs him up but you see I live with him and I know differantly

mjln_1975

whart about his close friends - what do they say?

Sugah

Chronic pain is a bugger. I've had it for twenty-five years, and the last five have been especially challenging. I know people in similar situations who have become self-consumed with their physical problems, even though they don't really fit the profile of an addict.

Taking pain meds regularly for ten years for physical pain is not always a symptom of addiction. Taking any opiate pain medication for that length of time is almost sure to cause physical dependence, but there's a difference between that and what we addicts deal with. Your husband's doctor is probably making this distinction.

The questions your husband would need to answer to decide if he's an addict would include (but aren't limited to):

Am I taking this for valid pain or because I won't feel normal if I don't? Again...with physical dependence, withdrawals will occur if the body doesn't get what it needs. That's not addiction...that's dependence.

Am I taking increasing amounts without consulting my doctor? (self-medicating)

Do I scheme to get more before my prescription runs out?

Have I ever lied to get a prescription filled early? (my pharmacist has heard some doozies from me!)

Is my mind constantly on my next dose?

These are just a few off-the-top-of-my-head questions. My point is that it's not a body disease; it's a mind-body-spirit disease. There is NA literature out there with more specific, well thought out questions, and I'm sure others will chime in if they see fit with more information for you.

Though selfishness is a universal characteristic of the addicted mind (after all...when the drug is the most important thing, we have to take care of that first), not everyone who displays selfishness is an addict. I'm not making excuses for your husband. Facts is facts, as my husband likes to say. I don't know why some people can drink heavily for years and just up and stop....but it happens. I don't know why someone can have a long-term chronic illness, be cured by surgery or whatever means, and just end their opiate maintenance without a program of recovery.

On another note, I pray you will find the support you need with your own physical struggles. I know some amazing ladies with MS, and they live very full lives. Please take care of yourself, and I'll stop right now and say a prayer that you're okay through whatever life brings you.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

mygirl971

His friend agree with me you see over the past 2 years or so he has developed blackouts and they are not limited to siting on the couch the happen when he is driving as well after talking with many professionals over the last 10 yrs they say this is something that is to be expected with an opiate....Im scared and it all seems to be taken so lightly

mjln_1975

at least you have people who share your concerns... what does YOUR doctor say?

mygirl971

We have the same doctor

Sugah

I've had opiate blackouts, and I really haven't run into very many others who have had them. I don't know if it's from extended use or what....but if this is happening while he's driving, why is he still driving? I used to justify driving on opiates by saying, "It's prescribed, it's not alcohol, it's not illegal, and I need them to function." It's still Driving Under the Influence. Period.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

mygirl971

Why dosent he have something done to rectify this problem like the doctors have suuggested instead he chooses to continue medication that destroys the body and the mind not to mention relationships in genreal

mygirl971

I dont know....why? It scares me if we are in the car together and he blacks out im there to wake him up....but when he is alone there is no one there to help him.....and he is way to stubborn to let me drive....

Grimnar

I am not sure what to say but here it goes...

Can you and your husband meet together with the doctor at the same time? Maybe then the doctor would understand your concerns. Or maybe you two can meet with a counsler?

If your husband doesn't see a problem though then he won't want to change. You may also want to try some support meetings for yourself. Best of luck. I wish I knew more how to help.

Sugah

I misunderstood the way you used "blackout." A blackout to me is when we're still conscious and can't remember later what we've done. He's passing out and behind the wheel..??? The first thing I would suggest is that you don't ride with him!

No one could convince me I had a problem, mygirl. I wish I could give you something more concrete....I had to suffer enough consequences to finally be sick and tired of living that way. I didn't get clean till the pain of using was greater than the pain of getting clean. It sounds cliche (to anyone who's been around long), but for me, it was true.

I'll pray for you both. Please...check out Naranon. There is a message board here for that, if you haven't already found it. And, check out face to face meetings in your area. You'll find people who understand what you're going through.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Little Missy

((mygirl)) I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Suga gave you some great questions.
All I know is you have to take care of YOU and keep yourself safe!! Is the doctor aware of these black outs? I think meeting with the Dr. together, or you just voicing your conserns would be appropriate.

Maybe the Dr. just can't do anything more for him with him refusing to get the treatment to fix the problem.

Sorry I can't be of more help.
Good luck on your test.
Hugs,
Missy

mjln_1975

speaking from experience having lied to doctors and counsellors about my health and state of mind due to alcohol and depression (and prozac) i would suggest that maybe the doctor is not getting the complete picture due to denial and impetuousness. I would suggest going to Relate or similar together, maybe first alone to see how the land lies?

As you have the same doctor, and if your husband is being economic with the truth - maybe if you went along with your concerns and fears it may help complete the picture in the eyes of the professional. Finally -= you have your own mind and spirit to preserve, and you cannot control other people actions. Take time for you and seek your own inner happiness, provided that it is not at the expense of others.