sarah25

So last night it finally sunk in a bit with him that I may actually be serious about leaving.......he guessed where I was leaving to (my best friends ex-husbands house, where I'd rent the downstairs) and was SSSOOOOOO angry about that because he's convinced that I'm gonna 'shack up' with him which is utterly ridiculous....and he knows it. I'm not intrested in that and does he really think I'm that much of a b**ch that I would hurt my friend like that? And she suggested it in the first place! Sorry....wne toff on one there
So there's been a lot of pouting and pleading and "I love you" and "don't wreck our family" and so much more and I am so confused and angry I feel like it is so unfair that I get blamed for everything when HE is the one who drinks....comes home drunk, neglects us and so on.....why is it when we as the siginficant others TRY to do whats best and do the right thing it all falls on us. I'm the one who's gonna have to tell the kids and deal with their pain, I'm the one who has to leave and support my second grader as he goes thru this in a new school, I'm the one who has to pay the rent on my own, work full time and raise the 3 kids......so why am I precieved as the 'bad one'?? I'm sorry I'm just feeling sorry for myself today but I am so angry that he's the one who drinks HE DOES THAT but all the anguish and decision making rests on ME. It's just so unfair. And I wish he'd just shut up with the promises and pleading and plan making because it just gives me hope and I don't WANT hope.
He tries to take the focus off himself always...now it's about where I'm moving to and who with instead of the why I'm doing this. He is blind. Ugh...maybe I should never have stood up and said something again, maybe I should've just kept playing the good little wifey part and kept my trap shut. I mean, maybe it's easier if I just live this way and hide it from the kids. He makes me feel like I CAN'T do it alone and that I am causing my children pain if I do this and my kids are the breath in my body I cannot live with myself if I have been the one to hurt them. I know they are human and maybe they are meant to go thru this....but I see them as little angels, put them on a pedistol and try to protect them from EVERYTHING...I can't help that...and he know it.
Sorry for the shpeel.....guess I just need to get it down, out loud.

cupowater

And it never occurs to them they THEY have ALREADY wrecked the family!!!!! I am at the cross roads too. An awful place to be. I think I have decided that the first step with getting off this mary-go-round is to lay it out to him (again) that he needs to get help. (the first time I wasn't educated in the matter as much, and just told him he drank too much) And tell him I can't live with a Jeckle and Hyde personality. THEN if he chooses to keep drinking and not get help, I can feel better about myself in leaving.

sarah25

thing is, he does admit he needs help but I KNOW it is only saying that to keep me here......I don't think he truly believes it, so I can see him going thru AA and BSing me the whole way, he is very good at saying everything everyone wants to hear, y'know what I mean? And then everyones like "he's trying, why don't you support him?" I guess there is just NO TRUST there....and that's reason enough to break up.

And exactly.....he has already wreaked it. Does your husband have the jekell and hyde thing while he's sober? Mine is great when he's sober and a complete pshyco when he's been drinking. But I've heard they have mood swings when sober and he doesn't seem to have that. Also what are the physical effects? Like I saw mentioned somewhere on here gastrointestional issues?

cupowater

Mine is usually Dr. Jekell when sober, but when he drinks, (which is most of the time I see him. He is only sober at work durring the day!) Hyde comes out. But sometimes he is both. Thats the thing, you never know!!!! I have noticed that when he drinks beer, he is more of a meaner drunk then if he just drinks whisky. And if he drinks both, its just ugly. (Let me say also, by meaner, I am in no way in any physical threat)

As far as the physical effects, you can Google it and find lots of sites about it.

laurie6781

Sarah please remember he is just "QUACKING." And when we alkies are "quacking" we are LYING.

Let him know when he starts again that only HIS ACTIONS will eventually change your mind and it will take a year at least of HIS ACTIONS proving his words before any reconcillation could even be considered.

That puts it right back on him. You are very strong and you have made the arrangements for you and your kids to have some calm and serenity in your lives.

Please I beg of you, do not feed into his B.S., and do not allow his B.S. to get you off track.

My prayers are with you and the children.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),