Anguished

This is embarassing but, last night was a bad night with the A. I'm not sure if any other ladies have ever been through this before but were you ever physically forced into sex?

My A, ripped, informed me that he wanted to have sex. I said no, not while he was in that condition. He said, "well, I do. I guess I'll just rape you then". I reiterated that I didn't want to have sex, we started arguing about that, arguing about other things then he literally started ripping my clothes off. I tried to get him to stop but he was yanking my hair and I was scratching him and trying to fight him off but since he is bigger than me...

I cried the whole time, praying he was just stop. He did finally.

I left this morning not saying a word. I'm not sure what to do with this experience. I never thought it would come to this.

Thanks for listening...

equus

Anguished - I'm so sorry you went through that.
Whatever you do with the experience don't ignore it or the fact he was capable of it.

There's more involved than alcohol addiction, rape is about power and is not a recognised symptom of alcohol dependency for good reason. Don't let him blame this on drink or you.

And don't be embarrassed it wasn't you who behaved in a cruel and violent way. It had NOTHING to do with your behaviour and is NOT your shame.

BlueMoon

Yes - years ago I was raped by a boyfriend, similar circumstances as yours. No, you're not the only one it's happened to.

PLEASE DO NOT FEEL EMBARRASSED!!!

Forced sex is *RAPE* - whether it was a stranger or a husband/boyfriend.
You were ATTACKED.
IT WAS AGAINST YOUR WILL.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

PLEASE, please don't feel embarrassed!

Is there any kind of Women's Shelter, Rape Hotline where you are?
CALL THEM!!!
There will be women there who will listen to you, and HELP YOU.
(No, this does NOT have to involve the police if that is what YOU want)

You did NOT deserve what happened to you!!!!
I wish I could hold you and let you cry - or scream and rage - find the Women's Shelter - they can and will help SO MUCH - You're NOT alone!!!

Please please take care of *YOU* - you are SO worth it!


Brightest Blessings,
Blue

elizabeth1979

Anguished, my dear,

Equus is right. Its not your fault, you didn't deserve it, and that was a horrible thing to have happen to you, in your home, where you should feel safe.

Certainly not a symptom of alcoholism, a sympton of something else, although Im uncertain what.

May I gently suggest some trauma counseling. This didnt happen with my ex, but did happen to me at a younger age by a stranger. Thats hard enough, when you dont know and trust and love the man who rapes you.

Please be very gentle with yourself, and put your safety first.

TexasGirl

Oh, ((Anguished)) --
That is not a safe environment for you. This is worse than abuse.

Dan

The guy should be charged with rape.
That's the flippant thing to say, from someone not involved.
But man...
When a drunk or addict starts acting like an animal, well...

elizabeth1979

http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/12-21-2005-84604.asp


Article on spousal rape is at the link above.

This is a felony carrying a one year prison sentence in some states.

Morally and physically reprehensible.

pmaslan

I agree with everyone here...this is beyound alcoholism.....
Once you are violated physically or sexually.....what is next?
Are you willing to wait around to find out.
You have nothing to be ashamed of but you do need to be concerned.

reader

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this. Many years ago I was raped so I do understand the humilation of forced sex. Your experience is really worse since he is supposed to be someone that u trust and know. I hope u can talk to a professional, we can be here for u but it is not the same. Even if u call a free hotline they can go over the situation. You don't need to give them your name or anything, just talk to them. I wish I could be there in person to give u a hug!! Just know u are not alone, at least u could share this on here!!

Anguished

Thank you for your support. I needed to tell someone but wasn't sure who. Friday after work I see my regular counselor. Hopefully I can muster up the courage to tell her. It's easier to write it on a board if you know what I mean.

I'm still in such that someone I called a partner for 10 years could violate me like that. Thanks for all the hugs and shoulders to cry on. I've shed my tears while reading the posts and appreciate people being so open as to admit similar situations happened to them.

I have to start planning to get away from him sooner that I originally hoped to. He is not the man I knew and loved all those years ago. That man never would have done this to me.

(((HUGS)))
Anguished

TexasGirl

I feel the need to go on a bit. You asked if any of us had been through it with ours. I wanted to tell you not exactly, but kind of.

I'm on my work computer, so I don't want to type too much (there's only so much I wouldn't care if they read), so this whole thing will sound cryptic. I hope you understand what I'm saying.

Mine has kind of done that twice, but sober both times (well, morning after a big one). But it wasn't violent like the hair-pulling yours did. Just not accepting my choice, even after 20 minutes of my answer. He just did finally. I too cried, silent tears. Part of me felt like it was totally wrong, but part of me wasn't sure. I didn't physically fight back like you, but finally stopped saying my answer. I think if I'd really been vocal or maybe more serious, he would know I meant it and quit. It left me confused too. He's my husband. And the I just kind of forget about it...that's how I am. I'm telling you all of this just so you know things kind of like this have happened. Your situation was much worse. There was violence involved. Plus he announced what he was going to do. Take care.

Anguished

TexasGirl,

I'm sorry about what happened to you too. Drunk or sober... No is NO! Just because we're committed to them doesn't mean that we share our bodies 24/7.

sunshinebluesky

AMEN TO THAT!! and it doesnt matter if they are sober,drunk,high,whatever--whoever!!!

guyinNC

I'm sure he will blame it on his alcoholism. Thats what drunks do...blame their actions on their addictions.

He raped you. Could you prove it in court? It would probably be hard to do. So just get out....run away from this pig. You deserve much better.

Do not judge us real men by this animal.

Bubblegum

My AF after knowing him for about two years, one afternoon decided to like put me down on the ground,with force, hold me down, and not let me get up. I didn't like it, and told him to stop, he did after a while, but this happened two times, and then i told him i was never coming over again, if he was going to do that. he said he was just fooling around, like wrestling? I told him , I don't wrestle, and i do not like it when people are ruff, no one has ever done that to me. it was strange, and came out of the Blue, but he was drinking. he hasn't done it in a year or so, but its coming to the time to say goodbye to him , as far as a relationship goes, hes done nothing about stopping drinking, i just tell him now, its his life, he can do what he wants, but i need to move on, i've waited three yrs, and Just trying to get the courage to stop seeing him. I'm sure he won't care,, but i wanted so much for him to get well, but when it did the forceing thing with me, i felt so helpless. it makes me not like men with mucsles. and we all should feel safe in our own homes.

minnie

Share? Not sure that's the word I'd use for someone forcibly using my body for sex against my wishes. I think I'd call that rape.

(((Big Hugs))) to Anguished and everyone else who has been so honest on this thread. You are all worth more than this kind of treatment.

Done_With_It

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Please call a rape crisis line. There is a good place called Rainn, I think they could help you with this. The website is www.rainn.org and the phone number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
I think you should file a police report and get away from this man. I would hate for him to hurt you again. Please call Rainn or someplace to get help.

Cindi R

Years ago...alcohol involved. I was 14 or 15 years old. I was intoxicated...the guy was my fathers age, and drunk as well.
Too young to know "what to do"...for years thought it was my fault.
Tell ya one thing...
it will NEVER happen again...
I'll die fighting back...
and certainly call and report if I were to survive...

grateful2bsober

As I sit here and read this I try not to cry, I too have been raped by a boyfriend. Unfortunately this happened more then once but it doesn't have to happen more then once to you. GET OUT!! I remember it so clearly, he wanted sex, I said no, he said what r u gonna make me rape u? and then thats exactly what he did. I cried the whole time. I didn't think of it as rape, or just didn't take it seriously(until I read this) and I don't know why but I urge u to -TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY! This man is sick and he most likely will do it again. I know it's hard to get up and leave everything you've known and all u have but is it worth risking this abuse again? I did it. I finally(after 4 years) got the strength to go into a shelter and become free from him. There were rough periods but it is so worth the freedom I live with today. YOU ARE WORTH IT!! I hope you get away from him and PLEASE STAY SAFE! With Love, Melis

gelfling

(((((((((Anguish))))))))))))))