OT: Kids teachers sending homework home for parents
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
OT: Kids teachers sending homework home for parents
I would like to get opinion's please
My children's teacher sends homework home with my kids on a almost nightly basis, homework that parents need to do with them.
In alot of things that I have read, teachers like to send homework home, because it encourages interaction from parents with their child. My interaction with my children is a conern for me, not my kids teachers. I also with instructions sometimes do not know what the teacher is looking for or how to help my child and the way I was taught is different from the way they are being taught. I like to consider myself an educated person, but some of these homework assignments are ridiculous. I feel like I already went to school, I received my degree, I dont want anymore homework sent home from the teachers for ME to do.
My children's teacher sends homework home with my kids on a almost nightly basis, homework that parents need to do with them.
In alot of things that I have read, teachers like to send homework home, because it encourages interaction from parents with their child. My interaction with my children is a conern for me, not my kids teachers. I also with instructions sometimes do not know what the teacher is looking for or how to help my child and the way I was taught is different from the way they are being taught. I like to consider myself an educated person, but some of these homework assignments are ridiculous. I feel like I already went to school, I received my degree, I dont want anymore homework sent home from the teachers for ME to do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Oh thank you Em.
I love to get on my
about homework.
I think a lot of kids in this country are given WAY too much homework.
It's my opinion that more than an hour of homework per night is excessive.
And this should be work that a child is capable of doing on their own.
Parents should go over it, check it, etc.
But it should not be the kind of work that requires parental participation.
That defeats the whole purpose of a child learning on their own.
I think our kids are pushed to hard and too fast in terms of what they learn, how fast they are required to learn it and the burden of work put on them.
Maybe you can talk to the teacher and voice your concerns.
I love to get on my
about homework.
I think a lot of kids in this country are given WAY too much homework.
It's my opinion that more than an hour of homework per night is excessive.
And this should be work that a child is capable of doing on their own.
Parents should go over it, check it, etc.
But it should not be the kind of work that requires parental participation.
That defeats the whole purpose of a child learning on their own.
I think our kids are pushed to hard and too fast in terms of what they learn, how fast they are required to learn it and the burden of work put on them.
Maybe you can talk to the teacher and voice your concerns.
Getting busy living!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Worcester MA
Posts: 199
My son had ADD when he was younger. He was on Ritalin but I only gave it to him to cover his time in school. I didn't want him taking it constantly. Homework with my son could be a 3 hour deal and I had to work with him every step of the way. Ahhhhh .... memories! lol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Personally,ive always felt that there should be no homework.None.The child is at school,from 9am-3.pm....2, small breaks with an hour lunch,during the day.Sounds like my job,also.Except the hour ,for lunch,usually had half an hour.However when i left my job for the day,it was over for that day,until tomorrow.Freedom.!!!To be mentally/phyically doing my job,and then taking it home,with me,,,hmmmm,doesnt make for a well person.too much of the too much.And yet our kids are expected to do this.Its good to get a break...
Id rather be out playing football with my lads than doing homework.
Taking time to smell da roses,than trying to figuring out,what to figure out with homework,,lol...
Dhats,my opinion,,,smile
Id rather be out playing football with my lads than doing homework.
Taking time to smell da roses,than trying to figuring out,what to figure out with homework,,lol...
Dhats,my opinion,,,smile
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
OK, I dont have kids..so grain of salt.
I dont get why there is this increasingly popular trend amongst educators
to try and build family interaction.
Why is it the teachers job?
I have friends that are teachers and they are always talking about parents who dont parent and leave it up to teachers.
I think alot of primary school educators are co-dependents.
I dont get why there is this increasingly popular trend amongst educators
to try and build family interaction.
Why is it the teachers job?
I have friends that are teachers and they are always talking about parents who dont parent and leave it up to teachers.
I think alot of primary school educators are co-dependents.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
I have a job and the teachers have a jobalso, My job is computers, there job is teaching. I dont want there job, I personally do not have the patients for school teaching.
My son brought homework home one time, I couldnt do it, I didnt know how to help him, and the funny thing is I went to four of my neighbors and they didnt get it, so he went to school unprepared for class, because of homework I couldnt do. Sometimes I question if the teachers are trying to see how intelligent the parents are. lol
This became a weekly thing me stressing out going to the neighbors, which got sick of it, and also wanted to know what grade he was in. I finally sent a note with him and explained to his 4th grade teacher, please do not send this home with my son, me and four of my neighbors are tired of homework that we dont understand and I encourage my son to finish this at school, and if he has any questions do not be afraid to ask the teacher, cause I cant do it.
My son brought homework home one time, I couldnt do it, I didnt know how to help him, and the funny thing is I went to four of my neighbors and they didnt get it, so he went to school unprepared for class, because of homework I couldnt do. Sometimes I question if the teachers are trying to see how intelligent the parents are. lol
This became a weekly thing me stressing out going to the neighbors, which got sick of it, and also wanted to know what grade he was in. I finally sent a note with him and explained to his 4th grade teacher, please do not send this home with my son, me and four of my neighbors are tired of homework that we dont understand and I encourage my son to finish this at school, and if he has any questions do not be afraid to ask the teacher, cause I cant do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 10
My son is in 10th grade. He is in each class for 2 1/2 hours. The homework counts for up to 20% of his grade. It is a nightmare! I dread the start of school. I think the teachers are overloaded with crowded classes and passing the work of teaching onto us. Then the state of Florida raised the minimum grading requirements and added the lovely test called FCAT which if they fail automatically pulls them from graduation. All this and an AH on the couch. Yuck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Burlington Vermont
Posts: 36
ugh....when my son was in first grade (last year) they would send home these math packets which i thought were voluntary, so we'd do some and give him breaks etc. BIG PACKETS so i couldn't believe that they REALLY wanted my kid to do all this stuff....turned out he was supposed to be doing it and they forced him to do 80 pages of math over his xmas vacation, I mean like those pages with tons and tons of sums! It was nuts! Also, they're not 'carrying' numbers anymore, what are they doing with them?? LOL Poor kid, his in a new school now where he only has some spelling homeowrk once per week....much nicer for him and me!
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 29
OK...tried not to respond, as I am somewhat on the other side of this fence...but, as an educator, I feel I must. I think that homework is designed to be a practice and extension (application) of what children learn in school on a daily basis. I don't believe it should be assigned to the extent that it takes more than 30-45 minutes. I am sure there are educators out there who over-assign, and schools whose policies require too much. Having been a teacher in 6 public school systems in 3 states, and now serving as a substitute teacher, and running an after-school program, I have seen many "theories" on this issue come and go. It seems the current trend is to not only provide practice and application of skills learned, but to encourage family participation. I don't think that this is supposed to require any parent to DO the homework on their own. I also believe that if something is sent home, either the child should be able to explain it to the parent, or there should be clear instructions included. It should not be meant as a punishment for either the child or the parent. An example of what I consider to be parent involvement would be having a (primary) child read something to their parent that they read in class...this encourages doing a good job for mom or dad, and reinforces the reading done that day. It also keeps the parents aware of what the child is learning, and what they are capable of. For an older child (upper elementary), perhaps it would involve the parent quizzing the child to prepare for a test...or the child interviewing the parent for a history project.
As for the point made about teachers having to parent...over the years that I have taught, it was increasingly expected of teachers to parent, as children came to school with more and more issues at home, and less and less parenting being done for them at home. It wasn't the teachers' choice to become parents, believe me! But when a child comes to class hungry, abused, with little sleep, dirty, going through a divorce, or whatever, sometimes the teacher has to help them through that, and at least be understanding of that in order to be able to reach them academically. Much has been added to public school curriculum that would be considered "parenting"...lots of social skills, anti-bullying strategies, guidance in building friendships, choosing careers, etc. Not all parents are supportive or even interested in their children. And not all parents neglect their children's needs. As educators, our job is to help children grow and succeed. Sometimes, in order to do that, we must first help them through what's going on at home. Not all parents ask their children how their school day was, or what their homework is. Not all parents show any interest in their children. I think this current trend in parents participating in homework is to try to foster family togetherness to help support the children, and remind busy parents to spend some time with their children each day, showing interest in what comprises a good portion of their lives.
As for the job being done when school gets out theory, or the comparison to your adult jobs...I am sure there are many jobs (mine, for instance) that require an adult to spend time out of work preparing a presentation for a meeting, making phone calls, gathering information, etc. As an example, in the teaching profession itself, the job doesn't end when your workday ends...you put in time staying for a Christmas program or Open House, you make calls to parents, you go to meetings, you grade papers, you prepare materials, you meet with parents, serve on committees, etc., and spend many more hours "working" than you actually are contracted and paid to work.
In my after-school program, we offer help with homework, and encourage the kids to complete all or most of it so they can spend quality time with their parents when they get home. However, if an assignment asks the child to share something with a parent, we do not take that role...we may have them practice it for us, and then still read it to mom or dad when they get home.
I can't speak for any of your children's teachers, of course...I would suggest that you talk with the teachers, though, before you reject the idea or judge their actions. Then you will know the motive for the assignments, and you'll have a chance to voice your concerns. I don't want to offend anyone, but offer a different perspective.
As for the point made about teachers having to parent...over the years that I have taught, it was increasingly expected of teachers to parent, as children came to school with more and more issues at home, and less and less parenting being done for them at home. It wasn't the teachers' choice to become parents, believe me! But when a child comes to class hungry, abused, with little sleep, dirty, going through a divorce, or whatever, sometimes the teacher has to help them through that, and at least be understanding of that in order to be able to reach them academically. Much has been added to public school curriculum that would be considered "parenting"...lots of social skills, anti-bullying strategies, guidance in building friendships, choosing careers, etc. Not all parents are supportive or even interested in their children. And not all parents neglect their children's needs. As educators, our job is to help children grow and succeed. Sometimes, in order to do that, we must first help them through what's going on at home. Not all parents ask their children how their school day was, or what their homework is. Not all parents show any interest in their children. I think this current trend in parents participating in homework is to try to foster family togetherness to help support the children, and remind busy parents to spend some time with their children each day, showing interest in what comprises a good portion of their lives.
As for the job being done when school gets out theory, or the comparison to your adult jobs...I am sure there are many jobs (mine, for instance) that require an adult to spend time out of work preparing a presentation for a meeting, making phone calls, gathering information, etc. As an example, in the teaching profession itself, the job doesn't end when your workday ends...you put in time staying for a Christmas program or Open House, you make calls to parents, you go to meetings, you grade papers, you prepare materials, you meet with parents, serve on committees, etc., and spend many more hours "working" than you actually are contracted and paid to work.
In my after-school program, we offer help with homework, and encourage the kids to complete all or most of it so they can spend quality time with their parents when they get home. However, if an assignment asks the child to share something with a parent, we do not take that role...we may have them practice it for us, and then still read it to mom or dad when they get home.
I can't speak for any of your children's teachers, of course...I would suggest that you talk with the teachers, though, before you reject the idea or judge their actions. Then you will know the motive for the assignments, and you'll have a chance to voice your concerns. I don't want to offend anyone, but offer a different perspective.
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
It's so important for kids to know that learning is respected , and achievement is expected. This is when they develop their work ethic, which can take them far in the world.
I know that there may be extenuating circumstances in your situation, but I'm concerned with the message this is giving to your son.
It sounds like: "don't bother me with your school work. Let the teacher deal with it" (perhaps I didn't understand your message fully, but that is what I understood from your post)
If you didn't understand his homework, maybe you could talk to his teacher, and ask her about it. Perhaps the homework assignment is badly designed.
If you engaged more with your son's homework, your actions would be showing him that learning and education is really important.
I know that there may be extenuating circumstances in your situation, but I'm concerned with the message this is giving to your son.
It sounds like: "don't bother me with your school work. Let the teacher deal with it" (perhaps I didn't understand your message fully, but that is what I understood from your post)
If you didn't understand his homework, maybe you could talk to his teacher, and ask her about it. Perhaps the homework assignment is badly designed.
If you engaged more with your son's homework, your actions would be showing him that learning and education is really important.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Learning for a lifetime. That is terribly important in today's world economy. It's expected of me and every other professional. Homework is an essential part of that goal. It fosters a good work ethic and an independence necessary to achieve.
That being said, I agree that homework should be quantitatively and qualitatively limited. Homework should do one of two things -- reinforce the day's lesson, or prepare the child for tomorrow's lesson. There should be nothing that the child cannot complete on his/her own. Parental involvement should include looking it over; perhaps listening to them read for younger children. The time limit is dependent upon the child's age and development. If there's a research paper due, it is MY job to teach them how to do the research and the writing of the paper. The kid's job is to do it. On their own. Parents can help with time management, that all teens need.
Should schools act as parents? NO. But, we are forced to more and more as one poster stated. The inner city school in which I work is open until 6:30 at night. The kids come in and get breakfast; have lunch during the day and are served dinner at night! Afterschool activities, (from 2:30-6:30), include counseling and homework help along with game time. This is a HIGH SCHOOL!
What exactly are mom and dad doing?
I, personally, am appauled by this trend. Our job is to educate -- not to replace the parent. If I were a parent at this school, I would be highly offended by the school usurping my role! Wake up, parents; Big Brother is taking over the raising of your children.
Bottom line, though, learning is a lifetime activity. It is NOT a 9-5 job. And if you teach your children that it is, be sure to teach them to ask if they want fries with the burger your kid will be selling! It's a different world out there today, folks. Get used to it or see your kids left behind.
Shalom!
That being said, I agree that homework should be quantitatively and qualitatively limited. Homework should do one of two things -- reinforce the day's lesson, or prepare the child for tomorrow's lesson. There should be nothing that the child cannot complete on his/her own. Parental involvement should include looking it over; perhaps listening to them read for younger children. The time limit is dependent upon the child's age and development. If there's a research paper due, it is MY job to teach them how to do the research and the writing of the paper. The kid's job is to do it. On their own. Parents can help with time management, that all teens need.
Should schools act as parents? NO. But, we are forced to more and more as one poster stated. The inner city school in which I work is open until 6:30 at night. The kids come in and get breakfast; have lunch during the day and are served dinner at night! Afterschool activities, (from 2:30-6:30), include counseling and homework help along with game time. This is a HIGH SCHOOL!
What exactly are mom and dad doing?
I, personally, am appauled by this trend. Our job is to educate -- not to replace the parent. If I were a parent at this school, I would be highly offended by the school usurping my role! Wake up, parents; Big Brother is taking over the raising of your children.
Bottom line, though, learning is a lifetime activity. It is NOT a 9-5 job. And if you teach your children that it is, be sure to teach them to ask if they want fries with the burger your kid will be selling! It's a different world out there today, folks. Get used to it or see your kids left behind.
Shalom!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
My kids do not have one question what their number one priority in their life is right now, neither do I. I have three kids, one is a junior, the other 7th grade the other second grade. I have been through the system for alot of years, I can say that I am experienced with the importance of my children's education.
I personally am very active in my childrens lives, hockey, baseball, figure skating, band, cheerleading and ballet, these are the types of things we enjoy. Not figuring out if I am teaching him prime factorization in a tree form like I was taught when I was a child.
reading with my children daily, filling out the reading log, fine, signing the practice sheet for band, okay, signing the planner on a daily basis necessary, asking if they have homework daily, making sure they do there homework by showing me there work, hell yea, signing each test if they failed, yes, going to parent connection on a daily basis making sure there homework was turned in and complete yes. I think this is involvement, I think this is caring and showing my children how much I care that they are responsible for their action's or non actions in the school environment. I spend so much time signing there stuff and looking through their back packs, it is not funny. That is active involvement, I just dont want to do homework anymore I am 40 years old, I have finished school.
I personally am very active in my childrens lives, hockey, baseball, figure skating, band, cheerleading and ballet, these are the types of things we enjoy. Not figuring out if I am teaching him prime factorization in a tree form like I was taught when I was a child.
reading with my children daily, filling out the reading log, fine, signing the practice sheet for band, okay, signing the planner on a daily basis necessary, asking if they have homework daily, making sure they do there homework by showing me there work, hell yea, signing each test if they failed, yes, going to parent connection on a daily basis making sure there homework was turned in and complete yes. I think this is involvement, I think this is caring and showing my children how much I care that they are responsible for their action's or non actions in the school environment. I spend so much time signing there stuff and looking through their back packs, it is not funny. That is active involvement, I just dont want to do homework anymore I am 40 years old, I have finished school.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Emily;
I agree; you shouldn't be doing it.
And you shouldn't HAVE to do it.
So, what would happen if you didn't? Child will get a lower grade? So what? It's not the end of the world. No kid is going to fail for doing homework wrong when they don't know how to do it. And that information is important feedback for the teacher. The teach can then find out if the concepts have been taught correctly; if it's the kid who doesn't get it; if all the kids don't get it....
Parents should NOT be doing the kids homework for them. Simple enough.
Shalom!
I agree; you shouldn't be doing it.
And you shouldn't HAVE to do it.
So, what would happen if you didn't? Child will get a lower grade? So what? It's not the end of the world. No kid is going to fail for doing homework wrong when they don't know how to do it. And that information is important feedback for the teacher. The teach can then find out if the concepts have been taught correctly; if it's the kid who doesn't get it; if all the kids don't get it....
Parents should NOT be doing the kids homework for them. Simple enough.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
As a teacher, please see the other side of this...
Do you have any idea how many parents come to see us, call us, yell at us... because they didnt know their child had an assignment due on such and such date?
I wish I could say that teachers send homework for valid reasons, personally I think its becoming more and more common for teachers to send work home for multiple reasons.
1. if a young child doesnt have someone to help them with the homework, that kid gets bumped up for more one on one with the teacher to make sure they dont fall behind.
2. if a teenager doesnt complete their homework, do they have a job outside of school to pay for the car they drive? I have students who work 30 hours a week, have to pay for a car, insurance and try to balance being a student all at the same time... come on parents... are you trying to bury your kids in responsibility? school should be their job. not a second job.
3. If a child decides not to do the work. We have paperwork to back up the conferences where parents are in our face yelling because they had no idea that their child wasnt doing their work. And what are "WE" going to do about it.
4. If a child doesnt do their work and yet expects to compete in sports, their is leverage for the teacher to try and reestablish the need for an education vs. the next ball game.
5. High stakes testing has mandated that we have documentation that shows why your child or the peers of your child are not achieving to the incredibly impossible standards of No Child Left Behind.
just my thoughts.
quietsins
Do you have any idea how many parents come to see us, call us, yell at us... because they didnt know their child had an assignment due on such and such date?
I wish I could say that teachers send homework for valid reasons, personally I think its becoming more and more common for teachers to send work home for multiple reasons.
1. if a young child doesnt have someone to help them with the homework, that kid gets bumped up for more one on one with the teacher to make sure they dont fall behind.
2. if a teenager doesnt complete their homework, do they have a job outside of school to pay for the car they drive? I have students who work 30 hours a week, have to pay for a car, insurance and try to balance being a student all at the same time... come on parents... are you trying to bury your kids in responsibility? school should be their job. not a second job.
3. If a child decides not to do the work. We have paperwork to back up the conferences where parents are in our face yelling because they had no idea that their child wasnt doing their work. And what are "WE" going to do about it.
4. If a child doesnt do their work and yet expects to compete in sports, their is leverage for the teacher to try and reestablish the need for an education vs. the next ball game.
5. High stakes testing has mandated that we have documentation that shows why your child or the peers of your child are not achieving to the incredibly impossible standards of No Child Left Behind.
just my thoughts.
quietsins
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
quietsins;
I am a teacher; history; high school. I've been in education for 17(?) years or so. I'm not sure what your point is.
My point is that parents should NOT be doing their kids homework.
There will be no lasting consequence if Johnny can't do it. It's NOT the end of the world.
Oh, and I don't know where any teacher, (other than SpEd), has time for one on one! With 7 classes, and full class loads, I sure as heck don't have the time.
It may be that some teacher give homework for these reasons you state. I don't. For me, it's reinforcement of the day's lesson, or, it is to prepare them for the next day's lesson. Simple as that. And I don't want the parents doing it; how can I tell if kiddie has learned it, if parents are doing it? Oversight is not doing it for them.
And honestly, I think many parents are overly concerned that their kiddie doesn't get straight As, as opposed to learning the material. That's why there's such grade inflation. Which helps no one at all, least of all the kiddies!
Shalom!
I am a teacher; history; high school. I've been in education for 17(?) years or so. I'm not sure what your point is.
My point is that parents should NOT be doing their kids homework.
There will be no lasting consequence if Johnny can't do it. It's NOT the end of the world.
Oh, and I don't know where any teacher, (other than SpEd), has time for one on one! With 7 classes, and full class loads, I sure as heck don't have the time.
It may be that some teacher give homework for these reasons you state. I don't. For me, it's reinforcement of the day's lesson, or, it is to prepare them for the next day's lesson. Simple as that. And I don't want the parents doing it; how can I tell if kiddie has learned it, if parents are doing it? Oversight is not doing it for them.
And honestly, I think many parents are overly concerned that their kiddie doesn't get straight As, as opposed to learning the material. That's why there's such grade inflation. Which helps no one at all, least of all the kiddies!
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
Since we're all here because of alcoholic relationships we should all already KNOW that too many parents do not parent their children. Alcoholic parents don't 'parent'. ACOA parents can't be expected to know what parenting means. So the kids aren't being parented. My parents paid no attention to my education, or to anything else in my life. They never helped me with my homework, or came to back to school night, or to any of my school group performances, and only glanced at my report card because it was required of them. I managed anyway but I'm an anomaly. Most kids in those circumstances learn that they don't matter and their education doesn't matter. Schools requiring parents to get involved is probably an effort to buck that trend, and probably a very good thing. Not doing the homework, but certainly being involved in it on a timely basis. You should not be required to do your children's homework with them.
But - how can you work in computers and have your job end at quitting time??? I spend evenings reading computer manuals and on-line knowledge bases and studying for certifications. Learning never stops. Most jobs require homework too, if you want to keep up with the job and keep the job. Complaining about kids having homework assigned sets a bad example for them.
I work at a small college. The students are incredibly lazy. They expect to do well in class without having to work for it. Then they expect to get paid lots of money without having to expend any effort or perform to any standards or provide any skills. I just finished a tech degree at a tech college and it was the same way there - you should have heard students complaining about every little point lost on tests! when I know darn well they didn't even bother to do the readings let alone any of the labs, or heaven forbid, study for the test. Where did they learn to be like this??
And their social and life skills - forget it. They might as well all have been raised in barns by wolves. They were not parented very well. I see too often symptoms of alcoholic relationships and addictions in these poor kids. I wish their elementary schools had gotten more involved in their after-school lives; As aren't good at parenting and ACOAs didn't have good parenting role models; our whole society is going to suffer from an epidemic of poor parenting skills. I wish my elementary school had intervened for me but schools didn't do that back then, they stuck to the academics.
But - how can you work in computers and have your job end at quitting time??? I spend evenings reading computer manuals and on-line knowledge bases and studying for certifications. Learning never stops. Most jobs require homework too, if you want to keep up with the job and keep the job. Complaining about kids having homework assigned sets a bad example for them.
I work at a small college. The students are incredibly lazy. They expect to do well in class without having to work for it. Then they expect to get paid lots of money without having to expend any effort or perform to any standards or provide any skills. I just finished a tech degree at a tech college and it was the same way there - you should have heard students complaining about every little point lost on tests! when I know darn well they didn't even bother to do the readings let alone any of the labs, or heaven forbid, study for the test. Where did they learn to be like this??
And their social and life skills - forget it. They might as well all have been raised in barns by wolves. They were not parented very well. I see too often symptoms of alcoholic relationships and addictions in these poor kids. I wish their elementary schools had gotten more involved in their after-school lives; As aren't good at parenting and ACOAs didn't have good parenting role models; our whole society is going to suffer from an epidemic of poor parenting skills. I wish my elementary school had intervened for me but schools didn't do that back then, they stuck to the academics.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: sarnia ontario
Posts: 128
I think that with regards to kids and schools and such, the serenity prayer does help. It did me, at least it has for a while.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Remember that although you can not change the personality of the teacher, you can change how you are dealing with the teacher and with that comes a change in the relationship and often with how the teacher responds to your child. Teachers are human too, and often are over-worked, under-paid and are dealing with a budget that doesn't cut the mustard as far as supplies and such go. Typically, they have too many children in the class and too little time to spend on each child. Often times a teacher will make an assumption about a child which can often be incorrect. Sometimes our children don't behave as they should in school...or rather, they miss things etc etc and come home with incomplete or inaccurate information.
I have found that it is always good to keep in pretty close and constant contact with the teachers my children have had. This helps them to realize that there IS a concerned and educated parent at home and I have found that this helps them to deal better with my child. Unfortunately, people being how they are, often times they will cut corners with regards to different things...for example, although I hate to admit it, I have found that in nursing homes for example, when understaffed, special effort will be made to treat one of the elderly with extra care if it is known that there is family close by that visits often as opposed to the old lady who never gets a visitor--so, when it comes to my children, I will ensure that the same doesn't apply to them. The teacher will know that a parent is close by and is less likely to make wrong assumptions, overly punish or whatever the child who has a parent calling verses the parent that doesn't call. This can be done by simply picking the child up from school on occassion and paying a 'surprise' visit to the teacher at that time. Some teachers are 'better' than others--personalities can get in the way of things and such just like in meetings.
I am homeschooling two of my children at the momment...simply because I have the ability to do so and because I am sort of fed up with the public school which they attended the past few years. Funding in our area has been cut drastically in the past five years or so and so there are far too many children in each of the classrooms for the teacher to be able to spend much time per child. That will the fact that jobs are being cut, and there is often no contract with the board which puts strike action a constant stressor--I have found that the quality in teaching has dropped. More students means that it is physically impossible for the teacher to be able to properly maintain the classroom in some circumstances and my 7 year old last year had a very bad time of it--being picked on and bullied to quite the extreme.
My son, on the other hand, is very quick intellectually and finds school very boring--mainly because the teacher doesn't have the time to put together extra challenging things for him to do. She/he has to concern him/herself more with the main-stream student and so often times he was bored and acted out because of that. I am considering putting them into the catholic school system next year, because there is a little more funding, smaller classes and to my opinion, a bit better curriculum being that religion is taught and so science and such will be taught with a different emphasis than it is taught in the public school system.
My understanding of homework is basically that it is designed to give the student a chance to learn how to study and to organize their time a little bit so that when they get to college and university and are expected to know this...they don't balk at the lack of organized classroom time and figure that once class is over, they are 'free'. This, I think is very valuable because the classroom time is far shorter though the work-load is way more heavier. From what you are saying I would have a few concerns and I would raise them with the teacher. First, if the purpose of the homework is to ensure that the parents are spending time with the child, then I think they are missing the mark. If they have concerns about parenting and such then perhaps a better way to handle that would be to simply call the childrens agencies and to allow them to deal with it. If the purpose is to ensure that the children are learning the classroom material, then perhaps more testing and such is needed rather than simply plying the child with a ton of homework. But, if the purpose is to help the child learn to study etc etc, then it might be an idea to get an idea of exactly what the assignments are from her or him rather than from the child. I know that my son, for example, doesn't like to hear things from me too much--yet often times he would miss something that the teacher was saying because his mind had wondered out of boredom. With regards to that scenario, I found that touching base with the teacher at least on a weekly basis helped to clear things up so that my son, myself and the teacher were clear on what was being assigned and what was expected.
When my son was in grade 3 (a couple of years back) I wasn't able to keep in touch quite so much. And I found out after a little while that he was getting into trouble a bit because one particular project wasn't done. I had gotten upset with some of the previous assigments because they seemed to me to be rather nosey and such--he had to find out things about me and his Dad and write a speach about them and then say this speach in front of the class. I was ticked off because to me, it meant that things that were to be kept at home, sensative stuff such as his Dad and me being divorced etc etc were to become 'public' knowledge and I didn't think that this was appropriate for a class of 8 year olds to be discussing. Then, I found out that he was getting in a lot of trouble over one particular project because of finances which again I didn't think was fair. At that time, I was just going back to work and a lot of the money I was making was going into medical expenses and such. This particular project he had needed ******* board and markers and such--things that he could have gotten albiet a little late due to the way my pay worked out--but because we were having a tough time financially, he didn't want to ask me for the money for these things. So, he hadn't finished the assignment and as a result he had to spend his recesses inside. He was also expected to stay after school every day for detention, was loosing marks for the project AND was told he would have to miss his end of the year trip that his class was going on.
I was very angry when I heard this and called his teacher up to explain what was going on. After hearing more about what the problem was from me, and having me tell her that punishing him 4 times for one assignment not being handed in due to financial stuff at home was rather excessive, not only was he given an extension for his assignment and an apology from the teacher--but the punishment system for that grade changed in the school. I told her that I thought ONE punishment was adequate for not handing in the assignment--either he stay in from recess OR he loose marks OR he stays late OR the end of the school thing--but certainly not all. But see, she hadn't realized that the reason he hadn't handed the stuff in was because of being afraid to ask for the stuff--or that he hadn't told her about this due to his own embarrassment etc. Once she knew that, then things changed for him and he ended up doing well that year. And I learned how important it is to keep in touch.
I don't really have many suggestions about what you should do in your case. I do know that I understand the feeling of "I've done my schooling" sort of thing. Yet, part of having children means that we sort of get to do the whole school thing over and over again depending on how many children we have. And I also know that it can be tempting to do the assignments for them rather than standing back and allowing them to do it or screw it up for themselves. Our role should be in my opinion, one of guiding them and such yet it can be pretty difficult to guide them if we can't do the thing ourselves or if the instructions are muddled up. I also know that often times we can forget that the teachers are simply humans and often have an awful lot to cope with in their job yet I have found that if we practise the 'principles before personalities' thing with regards to dealing with them...things seem to work out.
I hope that you find a solution with regards to this. I'm sure that if you work on changing what you can, leaving what you can't and figure out what it is you are supposed to change and what you are supposed to keep the same that things will work out fine for you and your child.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Remember that although you can not change the personality of the teacher, you can change how you are dealing with the teacher and with that comes a change in the relationship and often with how the teacher responds to your child. Teachers are human too, and often are over-worked, under-paid and are dealing with a budget that doesn't cut the mustard as far as supplies and such go. Typically, they have too many children in the class and too little time to spend on each child. Often times a teacher will make an assumption about a child which can often be incorrect. Sometimes our children don't behave as they should in school...or rather, they miss things etc etc and come home with incomplete or inaccurate information.
I have found that it is always good to keep in pretty close and constant contact with the teachers my children have had. This helps them to realize that there IS a concerned and educated parent at home and I have found that this helps them to deal better with my child. Unfortunately, people being how they are, often times they will cut corners with regards to different things...for example, although I hate to admit it, I have found that in nursing homes for example, when understaffed, special effort will be made to treat one of the elderly with extra care if it is known that there is family close by that visits often as opposed to the old lady who never gets a visitor--so, when it comes to my children, I will ensure that the same doesn't apply to them. The teacher will know that a parent is close by and is less likely to make wrong assumptions, overly punish or whatever the child who has a parent calling verses the parent that doesn't call. This can be done by simply picking the child up from school on occassion and paying a 'surprise' visit to the teacher at that time. Some teachers are 'better' than others--personalities can get in the way of things and such just like in meetings.
I am homeschooling two of my children at the momment...simply because I have the ability to do so and because I am sort of fed up with the public school which they attended the past few years. Funding in our area has been cut drastically in the past five years or so and so there are far too many children in each of the classrooms for the teacher to be able to spend much time per child. That will the fact that jobs are being cut, and there is often no contract with the board which puts strike action a constant stressor--I have found that the quality in teaching has dropped. More students means that it is physically impossible for the teacher to be able to properly maintain the classroom in some circumstances and my 7 year old last year had a very bad time of it--being picked on and bullied to quite the extreme.
My son, on the other hand, is very quick intellectually and finds school very boring--mainly because the teacher doesn't have the time to put together extra challenging things for him to do. She/he has to concern him/herself more with the main-stream student and so often times he was bored and acted out because of that. I am considering putting them into the catholic school system next year, because there is a little more funding, smaller classes and to my opinion, a bit better curriculum being that religion is taught and so science and such will be taught with a different emphasis than it is taught in the public school system.
My understanding of homework is basically that it is designed to give the student a chance to learn how to study and to organize their time a little bit so that when they get to college and university and are expected to know this...they don't balk at the lack of organized classroom time and figure that once class is over, they are 'free'. This, I think is very valuable because the classroom time is far shorter though the work-load is way more heavier. From what you are saying I would have a few concerns and I would raise them with the teacher. First, if the purpose of the homework is to ensure that the parents are spending time with the child, then I think they are missing the mark. If they have concerns about parenting and such then perhaps a better way to handle that would be to simply call the childrens agencies and to allow them to deal with it. If the purpose is to ensure that the children are learning the classroom material, then perhaps more testing and such is needed rather than simply plying the child with a ton of homework. But, if the purpose is to help the child learn to study etc etc, then it might be an idea to get an idea of exactly what the assignments are from her or him rather than from the child. I know that my son, for example, doesn't like to hear things from me too much--yet often times he would miss something that the teacher was saying because his mind had wondered out of boredom. With regards to that scenario, I found that touching base with the teacher at least on a weekly basis helped to clear things up so that my son, myself and the teacher were clear on what was being assigned and what was expected.
When my son was in grade 3 (a couple of years back) I wasn't able to keep in touch quite so much. And I found out after a little while that he was getting into trouble a bit because one particular project wasn't done. I had gotten upset with some of the previous assigments because they seemed to me to be rather nosey and such--he had to find out things about me and his Dad and write a speach about them and then say this speach in front of the class. I was ticked off because to me, it meant that things that were to be kept at home, sensative stuff such as his Dad and me being divorced etc etc were to become 'public' knowledge and I didn't think that this was appropriate for a class of 8 year olds to be discussing. Then, I found out that he was getting in a lot of trouble over one particular project because of finances which again I didn't think was fair. At that time, I was just going back to work and a lot of the money I was making was going into medical expenses and such. This particular project he had needed ******* board and markers and such--things that he could have gotten albiet a little late due to the way my pay worked out--but because we were having a tough time financially, he didn't want to ask me for the money for these things. So, he hadn't finished the assignment and as a result he had to spend his recesses inside. He was also expected to stay after school every day for detention, was loosing marks for the project AND was told he would have to miss his end of the year trip that his class was going on.
I was very angry when I heard this and called his teacher up to explain what was going on. After hearing more about what the problem was from me, and having me tell her that punishing him 4 times for one assignment not being handed in due to financial stuff at home was rather excessive, not only was he given an extension for his assignment and an apology from the teacher--but the punishment system for that grade changed in the school. I told her that I thought ONE punishment was adequate for not handing in the assignment--either he stay in from recess OR he loose marks OR he stays late OR the end of the school thing--but certainly not all. But see, she hadn't realized that the reason he hadn't handed the stuff in was because of being afraid to ask for the stuff--or that he hadn't told her about this due to his own embarrassment etc. Once she knew that, then things changed for him and he ended up doing well that year. And I learned how important it is to keep in touch.
I don't really have many suggestions about what you should do in your case. I do know that I understand the feeling of "I've done my schooling" sort of thing. Yet, part of having children means that we sort of get to do the whole school thing over and over again depending on how many children we have. And I also know that it can be tempting to do the assignments for them rather than standing back and allowing them to do it or screw it up for themselves. Our role should be in my opinion, one of guiding them and such yet it can be pretty difficult to guide them if we can't do the thing ourselves or if the instructions are muddled up. I also know that often times we can forget that the teachers are simply humans and often have an awful lot to cope with in their job yet I have found that if we practise the 'principles before personalities' thing with regards to dealing with them...things seem to work out.
I hope that you find a solution with regards to this. I'm sure that if you work on changing what you can, leaving what you can't and figure out what it is you are supposed to change and what you are supposed to keep the same that things will work out fine for you and your child.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by emily33
reading with my children daily, filling out the reading log, fine, signing the practice sheet for band, okay, signing the planner on a daily basis necessary, asking if they have homework daily, making sure they do there homework by showing me there work, hell yea, signing each test if they failed, yes, going to parent connection on a daily basis making sure there homework was turned in and complete yes. ....I spend so much time signing there stuff and looking through their back packs, it is not funny. That is active involvement, I just dont want to do homework anymore I am 40 years old, I have finished school.
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
Homework duties are all fine and dandy, but when you get to higher chemistry and you didn't even like standard grade chemistry, never mind understand half of what your 5th year son is telling you now (it's like talking to the turtles in Finding Nemo, you know they are speaking English but you can't quite find a meaning in there), then it's time to hold your hands up and hire a tutor.
More seriously, I think that if we give up on one part of our kids' lives and tell them we want nothing to do with it, it doesn't send a good message to them for life's other problems.
Anyway, we re-enact the Scottish wars of independance every now and then in our house Oh, and the grammar we see some students coming into university with is so scary I feel compelled to make sure mine have at least a grip!
J
xxx
More seriously, I think that if we give up on one part of our kids' lives and tell them we want nothing to do with it, it doesn't send a good message to them for life's other problems.
Anyway, we re-enact the Scottish wars of independance every now and then in our house
Oh, and the grammar we see some students coming into university with is so scary I feel compelled to make sure mine have at least a grip! J
xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
I dont mind the adult responsibilities of signing everything going through back packs.
We have this great new program through are school system, all three of kids are entered into a program (parent connection), I have a password, I can go in and check my kids grades daily, I can see what they ate for lunch, (by the way my son likes little debbies way too much) It has there immunization records, GPA scores, I can see what homework they have, when it is due, when they have a big project to due, what there test scores were, they cant come home and tell me everyone failed, cause I can also see the class average. If the assignment was in red, that means it was not turned in. The greatest program ever IMO.
I dont want things to get twisted here, I get very frustrated when my kids come home and say mom can you help me, I look at it and I cant help, cause I dont get it, then I try to read from the beginning of the lessons and look at examples to figure out how to do it so I can help them, (mainly math) they are doing things that I know I didnt do when I was in school. I hired a tutor, it was a highschool student that was on the honor society program. She was great, I felt like a heavy burden was lifted off of me.
I know that alot of middle schools and highschools have after school programs on certain days my kids stay after to get extra help if need be. My elementary school does not have extra programs for kids that are struggling with math. They have given us websites that are good places for my daughter to go to, and have sent packets home for extra practice. Example my youngest daughter was having a very hard time learning to read the clocks, it was up to me to teach her, because the teacher doesnt have the extra time to spend with her as she is one out of thirty students in the classroom. This was something, yes thank god I could do, so I spent the next few nights working with her, (very frustrating) but she now can read a clock. I ask god for extra patience, and I am a pretty patient person, but I just wanted to scream, cause she just wasnt getting it.
I was lucky enough to be able to afford a tutor for my oldest daughter for her math. As far as I am concerned my oldest daughter was left behind, with me as a parent doing everything I possibly could to help her, hiring tutors and everything else. It was recognized at a very young age she struggled in math and my daughter always gives her best, she always did her homework, she turned everything in on time, was always prepared for class, stayed after school. In eigth grade is when it really effected her, In sixth grade she was able to do test corrections to bring up her grade, she was able to do extra credit to bring up her grade, even though she bombed most of her tests and her meap scores were under her grade level, her grades werent showing her actual capabilities. She was getting all A's and on the honor roll, go figure. But didnt even know all of her multiplications, my son who was in fourth grade, knew them. I each year went to each teacher and told them she struggles with math. Now that she is in highschool (junior) she doesnt get all that extra credit, test corrections to bring her grades up, she is struggling, algebra 2 barely passing, and chemistry, there is alot of math, the only class in her life that she has ever failed, but is failing.
I asked for extra help for her when she was very young and was turned away, because the rest of her classes were advanced and she wasnt qualified for the program??????????
We have this great new program through are school system, all three of kids are entered into a program (parent connection), I have a password, I can go in and check my kids grades daily, I can see what they ate for lunch, (by the way my son likes little debbies way too much) It has there immunization records, GPA scores, I can see what homework they have, when it is due, when they have a big project to due, what there test scores were, they cant come home and tell me everyone failed, cause I can also see the class average. If the assignment was in red, that means it was not turned in. The greatest program ever IMO.
I dont want things to get twisted here, I get very frustrated when my kids come home and say mom can you help me, I look at it and I cant help, cause I dont get it, then I try to read from the beginning of the lessons and look at examples to figure out how to do it so I can help them, (mainly math) they are doing things that I know I didnt do when I was in school. I hired a tutor, it was a highschool student that was on the honor society program. She was great, I felt like a heavy burden was lifted off of me.
I know that alot of middle schools and highschools have after school programs on certain days my kids stay after to get extra help if need be. My elementary school does not have extra programs for kids that are struggling with math. They have given us websites that are good places for my daughter to go to, and have sent packets home for extra practice. Example my youngest daughter was having a very hard time learning to read the clocks, it was up to me to teach her, because the teacher doesnt have the extra time to spend with her as she is one out of thirty students in the classroom. This was something, yes thank god I could do, so I spent the next few nights working with her, (very frustrating) but she now can read a clock. I ask god for extra patience, and I am a pretty patient person, but I just wanted to scream, cause she just wasnt getting it.
I was lucky enough to be able to afford a tutor for my oldest daughter for her math. As far as I am concerned my oldest daughter was left behind, with me as a parent doing everything I possibly could to help her, hiring tutors and everything else. It was recognized at a very young age she struggled in math and my daughter always gives her best, she always did her homework, she turned everything in on time, was always prepared for class, stayed after school. In eigth grade is when it really effected her, In sixth grade she was able to do test corrections to bring up her grade, she was able to do extra credit to bring up her grade, even though she bombed most of her tests and her meap scores were under her grade level, her grades werent showing her actual capabilities. She was getting all A's and on the honor roll, go figure. But didnt even know all of her multiplications, my son who was in fourth grade, knew them. I each year went to each teacher and told them she struggles with math. Now that she is in highschool (junior) she doesnt get all that extra credit, test corrections to bring her grades up, she is struggling, algebra 2 barely passing, and chemistry, there is alot of math, the only class in her life that she has ever failed, but is failing.
I asked for extra help for her when she was very young and was turned away, because the rest of her classes were advanced and she wasnt qualified for the program??????????
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