equus

I have always wanted a tidy home, finally I have a tidy bedroom - I scrubbed it on my hands and knees.

I think my problem is just not doing it, I did clean lots the last few days and learned a little about myself. I have done some hard work in my time - really hard labour, bringing in hay I could work easy 14 hours of weightlifting, I did it willingly. I could have been cross that women handle the bales while men drive tractors, I could have looked here and there to see how hard others were working or not, but I didn't. Instead I felt my body glow as I took part in something timeless, something that matters - to get the animal feed in dry for winter.

But can I remember that when it counts now? I WANT A CLEAN HOME. But as I scrub I add up each thing in unfairness, why is it only women see when curtains need washing? Each ounce of effort is doubled by the effort of resentment, and hell, that does make it hard! D gets scolded for the umpteenth time for getting in the way, being slow, or failing to understand why my swearing at the cupboard under the stairs makes sense. Abrakadabra - I make my own misery stew to sup on regularly while I work.

I want a clean house so I need to work willingly, feel my body glow as I take part in something timeless and make our place a home. D will do what he's asked SLOWLY, sometimes, often he forgets - perhaps he hasn't learned any better than me how to work willingly. All I know is that while I look here and there to see what everyone else is doing my home grows messier and messier.

When D got very bad and unwell I got down too and the house mouldered, only my kitchen was clean, and the new bedroom. For his first few weeks back at work he slept in the evenings, I was less down but not really motivated. Of course D should have sprung into action the second I did! But was my annoyance that he didnt really worth how much of a chore it made of easy tasks?

I'm going to try and practice willingness!! Resentful working is nasty and I don't like it!!

pmaslan

This is an age old ...timeless issue......
I used to tell my exH that he would walk over a pile of shi*
instead of cleaning it up........lol
According to all that I have recently read....men are programmed differently to
household chores.....DUH
We need to ask for help cause they aren't going to do it willingly....
you know they ain't no mind readers.....lol

Gabe

God, I hate it when that happens.

Good on you Eq. Attitude is everything, isn't it.
Now that your palace is all buff looking, I'm coming over with coffee and strudel.

best

When I want it clean more then I want my lazy time... I get up and do it.
If I want it real clean, all I would need do is get my wife ticked off and then just stay out of her way *LOL* But that only gets a clean floor and thicker air *LOL*

My idea of clean and her idea of clean are not the same. My slow, in the way efforts are a result of what I feel should be done vs what she feels must be done. Some day I may change or some day we may live in a bigger place. Smaller equals less space to hide the clutter *LOL*

equus

After a day yelling like a banshee we went to fix my broth's computer and his house is in a REAL state. My brother NEEDS help with it because it's gone too far for him to face alone. I know my brother will trade a few days labour in return, he's mildly autistic (very mild/LD) so it hasn't been entirely his fault it's gone wrong. I realised I could easily scrub a house knowing that where as I was cursing every room of my own house JUST because of resentment!!

It's still a mystery to me how ANYONE can hang curtains the wrong way round though - he did have a reason, he thought the best side should be on the outside where more people see them. So now we have curtain washing instructions tickling our ears when we watch TV!!

gelfling

Basically, cleaning sucks. Our house has been torn up for 6 months because of installing new windows, redoing plaster walls, the cathedral celing and all the wood trim on everything. Not one room in my house could be considered together. Nary a curtain on a window. Thank God the deer and geese are the only ones who live close by.

Cleaning the shower stall this morning, I got the urge to bleach it. Damn near killed myself from the fumes. We took down the exhaust fan because the old one stopped working. Our towel rack is mounted on a 2"x4"x4' board because they guy who built the house didn't know of such things as a molly bolts or anchors. Our curtain rods were mounted the same way in the living room and master bedroom. Anyway, as I was wiping down the rough wood and trying to get the dust out of the cracks, I thought..."this must be what it's like to dust and clean at Home Depot".

Makes me wonder how everyones house I go to is shiny and clean. Do they follow their hubbies and kiddies around cleaning up after them? Do they have a house maid? Do they not live there and actually have a disorganized filthy little hovel they live in during the week?

Yep, cleaning sucks.

cwohio

kathy - not EVERYONE'S house is clean and shiny! i do the basics once a week if i'm lucky - try to keep my first floor tidy in case anyone drops by and my bedroom (so i can go to sleep and wake up in a neat room). i don't even have the excuse of renovation going on.

i don't mind cleaning - actually kind of enjoy it - just never seems like i have enough time to do it all.

best

WOW! Great idea. I think I will go and reverse all the curtains here. *LOL*

I like his thinking.

The curtains that have 2 spaces at the top, the bar goes in the second space.
My 6'4" son helped one day. One in the second space, one in the first and he didn't see any difference.

ByAThread

Yes...cleaning sucks...I waffle between wanting a clean house and "living" in the one I have...we have 9 pets inside and our love for them outshines the "tumbleweeds" all around us, among other things! I always feel that if someone drops in, I'll DIE! We have one neighbor who is also a multiple pet owner, and whose house looks a lot messier than ours most of the time...she's the only "drop-in" that I don't feel embarrassed around! But I truly believe that those with always spotless homes don't really LIVE in them. I try to keep up with the vacuuming, mopping, litter boxes, and baths, but with work it's hard to do! And I have that same brand of husband who doesn't see or isn't bothered by messes, and also leaves everything right where he ate it! It's the constant battle of "Do I leave his messes for him and go on strike until he cleans them up, or do I clean up after him to remain sane and have a house I can live in?" OY! Well...gotta go suck up the tumbleweeds before work! Enjoy your glowing, gals!
Barb

equus

We have between two and four dogs in the house depending + about 7 billion dog toys! But that pales into insignificance next to having a D!!

D's books take up nearly every wall and his collection (ever growing) of 'stuff' is unreal, it's just not easy to polish a rabbit skull or an antique pair of 'cats eye' welding goggles (with box). How do you find anywhere for a telescopic gunship sight to blend? Our house is like a flamin' museum - but on the bright side at least it ain't no Ikea!! The fossils by the fire collect dust bunnies which the dogs keep topped up and broken computer parts should NOT live in the living room!!

BLAH!! Ok - I confess a show home would scare me but the one I have is a cleaner's bad dream. Thank god our bathroom is tiny!

Kathy - our house is 100 years old - I KNOW how you feel, what I wouldn't give for something at right angles or plasterwork that didn't want to leave home!

ladybug

Oh the elusive clean house. It's all the dogs fault. I have a doggy door which allows them to bring in all kinds of goodies. Once before a get together , my Rat Terrier "Frankie Doodle" brought in a present for me. A huge dead rat which she layed on the tile in the entrance way. My house was "clean" at that moment but the dead rat ruined everything! At least it was dead.

Chy

....you know what they say about "cleaning house"... a reflection of whats going on with that inner spirit...glad it's looking beautiful..

gelfling

God, I hope so. Maybe that's why I've been so gungho on cleaning for the last 3 days.

robina

When I'm happy and peaceful and feeling good, I seem to be able to find the energy to keep things tidy, but when I'm miserable and unhappy, my surroundings become dirty, messy and chaotic.

When I was married, it was disconcerting to realize that my ex-husband had an unlimited tolerance for dirt and mess. This meant that if I wanted to live in a clean home, it was up to me to do the house work, because my ex-husband literally didn't give a *hit.

I often felt angry and resentful at having to do all the cleaning and housework, but I think my anger and resentments at him went a lot deeper than just housework.

equus

I feel funny about being resentful, it's a kind of funny that doesn't seem to ever go away entirely. D's only 3 weeks into his job, he got the job when his doc was telling not to bother about work at all. He's worked hard, left every day on time but come home exhausted - a few days into a holiday, despite christmas and trying to stay off booze (successfully), 'go me' now I notice the house!!

It's not a very complicated thing really, work is more enjoyable done willingly. Deciding to do it or leave is up to me but it's stupid to do it and make it a chore by wasted effort on anger.

How many times do I have to re-learn anger does NOT make for a happy Eq?!!

brigid

I find the clean house is gained in stages, I am up to the cupboards now. The surfaces and outer look came first. BUT I can relate to cleaning something in an old house and it still looks like it needs work. Maybe try renovating, doesn't have to cost too much, room by room, or bit by bit.

I prefer gardening to housework, I am trying to be happy in house work as well, just that there are so many things to do, and why don't these people I live with just pick up after themselves. Want to train the dogs to wipe their feet but they just don't get it!

love brigid

reader

I feel like a clean house is a careful balancing act. When I am on a cleaning spree my husband isn't in the mood or when he is I am not. I am a list maker when I get out the pen and paper he lets out a big sigh. I am always writing down maintance projects and cleaning chores. i now lower my expectations, when I first decieded to stay at home I thought my house should be perfect since this was now my "job". I drove my self batty, my H actually said will you read your books already. I didn't have to be asked twice. Since he works nights we have found this to be are only alone time without the kids. Good for you Equus, take a deep breath and enjoy your work well done.

ASpouse

BEST, you crack me up! Do you really think we don't know what you guys are doing!

FormerDoormat

Oh geeze, I guess I'm the odd woman out here. I have a thing about clean, orderly homes. And my home is spotless. Nothing is out of place. Everything is clean and shiny. And this despite living with a teenager and four dogs. To keep my white carpet white, I vacuum it constantly and shampoo four times a year.

Even my drawers, pantry, and closets are neat and orderly. That's the way I like my life, too. Neat, orderly, and predictable.

cwohio

i'm gonna get there jill - i swear i am - now if i could just take 6 months off of work and if someone could hand me a biggggggg shovel i'll be all set!