ACOA looking for ideas to save marriage
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: West Linn, OR
Posts: 2
ACOA looking for ideas to save marriage
I'm classic ACOA, exhibit every characteristic on the list. Been going to counseling for years, just started ACOA about 3 months ago. I'm trying with everything in me to get over it and love my family like they deserve, but I always seem to come up short. I'm looking for practical, rubber-meets-the-road ways to show my love and change bad habits. I have all of them (the bad habits) so pick anything. My kids are growing up fast, I'm on the verge of losing my family, and I'm desperate!
Thanks in advance
Thanks in advance
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
The Alcoholics Anonymous book is often reffered to as "Big Book"
As an Acoa myself a big problem for me is "opening up."
Talk to your family and lead by example. Let words match action.
Children are not stupid and they may not always remember what we say but they will remember what we do.
As an Acoa myself a big problem for me is "opening up."
Talk to your family and lead by example. Let words match action.
Children are not stupid and they may not always remember what we say but they will remember what we do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 6
Your question is very general. What specific problems are most pressing?
What I find useful are books about ACoAs, look them up on Amazon. On my wishlist (I haven't read them yet are):
Lifeskills for Adult Children, by Janet Woititz
The Intimacy Struggle, by Janet Woititz
A Return to Love: A Reflection on A Course In Miracles, by Marianne Williamson (not specifically about ACoAs)
The 12 Steps to Self Parenting for Adult Children, by Patricia O'Gorman
Look these up and see if the reviews ring a chord with you. There are often links to other related books.
You may not be drawn to books, but I find a lot of insight and power for change in them. The authors are like wise friends to me. Good luck!
What I find useful are books about ACoAs, look them up on Amazon. On my wishlist (I haven't read them yet are):
Lifeskills for Adult Children, by Janet Woititz
The Intimacy Struggle, by Janet Woititz
A Return to Love: A Reflection on A Course In Miracles, by Marianne Williamson (not specifically about ACoAs)
The 12 Steps to Self Parenting for Adult Children, by Patricia O'Gorman
Look these up and see if the reviews ring a chord with you. There are often links to other related books.
You may not be drawn to books, but I find a lot of insight and power for change in them. The authors are like wise friends to me. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 6
I looked at my last answer and it didn't seem quite on the mark.
What I would do in your case is to simply ask your partner what you can do to make your marriage work. I don't know how good or bad the communication is your marriage, but this is an obvious first thing to focus on. Express the strong desire to salvage your marriage, to make it work.
The other issue is where is your partner? On the verge of quitting? Sane? Or willing to work with you?
What I would do in your case is to simply ask your partner what you can do to make your marriage work. I don't know how good or bad the communication is your marriage, but this is an obvious first thing to focus on. Express the strong desire to salvage your marriage, to make it work.
The other issue is where is your partner? On the verge of quitting? Sane? Or willing to work with you?
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