fixyou

Ok, this may offend some and I am truly sorry. Even though I live right smack in the middle of the bible belt I am not a church goer and although I was raised catholic(enough guilt was instilled on me for life) I am not into the whole god controls everything life style. The whole meeting revolved around God and how only your faith in God can save you and so on and so on. I lost count at 35 Amens in the first 20 min of the meeting.
Is this what Al-Anon is about? Because if it is I need to find another type of support group. Any suggestions?

FormerDoormat

It's a spirtually based program, but it's not necessarily focused on God. If you are a non-believer, you can choose anything to be your higher power. Before you decide this group and Alanon aren't for you, make a commitment to attend at least six meetings. Then if it still isn't for you, try another meeting, as each group is different.

Try practicing the 12 steps in your life for a while and see if they don't make a difference to you.

somebodysfool

Look for another group. I have been to many different groups and have not been to a meeting like you described. However I do not live smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt. Don't give up, Al-anon follows the AA steps which calls to believe in a power greater than ourselves. To turn our lives over to God, as we understand Him. So he need not be the God of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism or such. Good Luck.

J

fixyou

Every Al-Anon meeting in my area and even up to 40 miles away are all held at a church. I felt as though they were just looking to build up the #'s in the parish. I just felt so uncomfortable.
Again I am sorry if I offended anyone.........

BigSis

Ah heck, we get pissants at meetings every once in a while - sometimes it's me. (grin)

In my area we usually ask if it is someone's first meeting, and have a "first-step" meeting. Then we share about what got us to Alanon and how the program is working for us. Did they ask? (... and did you admit it was your first meeting? ... nope, I didn't until my SECOND one...)

Also - what I conceived of as "God" during my childhood got changed after going to Alanon... but it took a LOOOONNNNG time. In fact, it was my sponsor who finally gave me an exercise in figuring out what a "higher power" was ... for ME. It was an incredible exercise.

One of the things we ARE told about Alanon is to try at least 6 meetings before passing judgement on the program (and boy, was *I* judgemental!). If, after that time, it still isn't right for you - then you may not be ready, or it may not be the right program for you.

It works in a subtle, indirect way. We don't tell you how to fix yourself, or fix your alcoholic... (though most of us will admit that fixing our alcoholic is partly why we tried Alanon in the first place). It is about learning how we INTERACT with addict/alcoholics and sometimes even contribute to the pattern of drinking/using.

And I've found some meetings just have a personality mix that does NOT suit me! So I've tried different locations, times and even gone to the same meeting another week and found HUGE differences.

My suggestion is try a few more... and let me know if you like it any better.

Zoey

fixyou...Sorry you found those kinds of meetings, but there must be some that are better.

Their are athiests and agnostic's in the AA programs, so it can be done.

I still use the group and Mother Nature as my Higher Power.

I kinda think the ones attending are the people that even over coffee out in the world say Amen, etc.

I agree with FD's suggestion, try 6 meetings, just take what you can use and leave the rest. Try to forgive them, I suspect they don't know they are driving people away.
Have you tried an open AA meeting?? Wonder if they use lots of Amens in AA there in your area??

In the meantime can you find an addiction counselor for some sessions. SR is a great site, and come anytime and post, but we need some face to face people too.
HUGS Keep us posted.

BlueMoon

I think most meetings (Al-anon as well as AA) are held at a church - for the simple reason that the rent is dirt cheap!

I'd strongly suggest trying other meetings in your area - as was pointed out, they are NOT all the same.

Ya know, if I'd counted THAT many "amens" in that short of a time, I'd have gotten up and walked out. (But that's just me!) It is a SPIRITUAL program, not a religious one!

Do try a different meeting! Al-non has made a huge difference in my life, there's positive things there for everyone.


Blessings,
Blue

Five

Many people believe that it is religious, an insult to their rational mind, and wont go near it like a barge pole - this is certainly true for AA at least.

There is a lot of stuff on the twelve steps that are critical because of this.

Its up to you what you want, what you are recovering from, and how to go about getting it.

sunshinebluesky

im in north carolina,and ive been to aa and na meetings with my son,and a couple alanon.........they certainly were not anything like you described.if they had,i probably would have been discouraged too,and never went back. as someone said,i think alot of times they are in churchs because the rent is cheap,or free. try some different ones,dont give up!!!!

laurie6781

Hey Fix You, I would like to believe that the meeting you attended was the exception and not the rule. As to the meetings being held at churches, a lot of AA meetings are also and the reason is because usually the churches only charge a "minimal amount" for rent.

Now to the "God Thing". I too was raised in the Catholic Church and totally walked away from it at age 14. When I finally got into the AA 12 step program and then alanon also (I'm a double winner, lol) I turned to my Native American heritage and am very comfortable today with The Great Spirit as my HP.

As has already been said, though, there are agnostics and athethists in both programs who seem to be able to work and live the 12 steps and have improved their lives.

As suggested, please try other alanon meetings and go to at least 6 before you make a judgement about the whole program. You will find great support from people who DO understand what you are going through.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

equus

Fix you,

Give it a try but if it isn't for you - you're not alone. I don't believe in a higher power with a consciousness, therefore a tad hard to leave things with!! I did need help with this so I come here and have used individual counselling, it feels like the right balance for me.

For those that are comfortable with the 12 steps it DOES seem to help, my main reason for not using that as a support group is I want to stay honest to myself without disrupting what someone else has. That isn't something I could do in a spiritual programme.

kodfishy

Different meetings have really different feels. Most are at churches, but the takes on religiosity are all over the spectrum. I thought my first group did a lot of non-Al-anon things, but I've found three other groups where I feel more comfortable.

meli2005

It probably is just this particulular meeting. I would try another meeting. Yes, I agree, that isn't what Alanon is necessarily about. They do focus on a higher power, but not necessarily the GOD that Christians always refer too, etc. Your higher power can be anything you want it to be.

velvet

Everyone is giving you great advice. In my town there are "dry clubs" the AA members belong to and socialize at. It's always hoppin' on the weekends. They have very informal "get-togethers" instead of a meeting. They smoke and there's usually hot dogs, soda. See if you can find one of those...talk to some one there and discuss your concern...they might lead you to a meeting that you like.

Cap3

Hey fixyou,personally i think that you are confusing those who taught you about God,in your past,and putting the big guilt trip on you,back then,with the Al-anon program,and the gals who were at this meeting.Im glad that you went.Because recovery programs are all about changing,and over-coming the obsticals that we ourselves have put into our lives,no longer pointing at others,blaming others for how we feel.I can relate.This was a big sore point in my life also,.HUGE one.I walked out of my first AA meeting,because another was talking about what all God has done in their lives.And spent the next 5 days talking,yelling,and getting out of me all the stuff that i felt about God,and those who taught me about God,in my past.,with the person who took me to the meeting.This was my past,that i was still letting control,my life still.In both recovery programs ive learned how to let go,and today know for sure that those folks meant no harm.As a child their techings were harmful,but i noticed that it wasnt harmful to everyone...To me it was,though.As an adult i can let it go.Knowing,that,they did the best that they knew how to,with what they knew.It was me,and me alone who held onto how i felt about them,as an adult.Through these recovery programs,al-anon,and AA for me,i learned how to let go of all that guilt,anger,resentments,.,learing,forgiveness,for others as well as myself,.No longer ,choosing to being a hostage of my past,im free.Anything or anyone that i have ill will towards this will affect my own life until i let it go and to forgive.Im doing this to myself.either letting go,or hanging onto.Look for the similarities and not the differences.And principals,before personalities.Both recovery programs for me,helped me to over-come,alot of stuff,.Here when i did my 4-5 steps i really got alot of insights to myself,.Although my thoughts/feelings are vaild,.They were also hurting me,and the way i interacted with folks.Al-anon teaches what is my part,.Before this,i never really thought about what my part was.I always had my bionolcers on da others.Go figure,,smile..
All the best with whatever you choose.
Thanks for letting me share,my experiences with recovery programs.
God Bless,and take care!!!!!!

OneLady

Hi fixyou,

I am not offended at all, I totally understand where you are coming from as far as religion is concerned. The quote below is from my post in the Alcoholics forum, should you care to read the whole thing. I am only quoting the part that concerns religion. I hope it helps some. The same would apply to Al-Anon as well.


The 1st time I ever went to an AA meeting, I didn't like the people, what they talked about, the atmosphere or anything about it. This time around I am going to a different location, and I felt very comfortable from day one. I am hoping by you canging locations, or even trying a different time at the same location, (different people go at different times) that you will find it more suitable. Let us know what happens. There is a lot of good avice here if you will keep coming back.

1L

BlueMoon

I started in AA and have since found my way to Al-anon as well -
What I absolutely LOVED about AA was that it talks about "a God of MY understanding". No one else's - MINE!

I am allowed to have my own personal Higher Power. No one else has to understand or even like my vision, my idea on what that is - and that's ok!

When I first got into the program, I was told that ALL a "Higher Power" is, is someone or something that has more power than I do over drinking (or over another alcoholic). That doesn't HAVE to be "God". Meetings in general can be a "Higher Power". I had a friend who was an agnostic - her "Higher Power" was a tree. While that may sound silly, it worked for her and THAT'S what matters.

I strive to be accepting of other's viewpoints on a "HP", I find it offensive when people are NOT accepting of MY viewpoints. I DO find it offensive to have to hear *specifics* about someone else's HP - and I would find it offensive enough to have to listen to "Amen" every other breath that I would have walked out.

"The Program" Al-anon or AA - is NOT about religion. It IS about spirituality. To ME, spirituality means I have faith in someone/something with more power than what I have.
For ME, it is NOT about The Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I respect those who DO have that as part of their faith -
I expect others to respect MY beliefs as well.

IMHO, THAT MANY "amens" is a lack of respect towards those who are not Christian. and I am most assuredly NOT.

It's that lack of respect, NOT the religious references, that would have me out the door.


Brightest Blessings,
Blue

fixyou

I want to thank everyone for their insight. I am continuing to look for other meetings but the area I live in is very limited. I grew up just outside of Los Angeles and moved to the buckle of the bible belt about 13 years ago and have never felt like I belong, this may lead me to have my mind made up before I even walk in the door. I do tend to put up a shield, but that is so I don't get hurt emotional, more than I already am. A suggestion was made that I attend an AA meeting, I was under the impression that is for the addict. I'm not the addict my husb is. but if going to an AA meeting will help I am willing to try anything for some local support.

BigSis

Be sure it is listed in the schedule as an "open" AA meeting, those are open to everyone.

One of the things I get out of those meetings is HOPE. It is very uplifting to listen to alcoholics talk about coming back and how low they got and how they work recovery and just KNOWING that it can be done and that there really isn't any time before death that is "too late".

You might give it a try...

cwohio

i agree with bigsis - i have attended several open AA meetings and found it very uplifting. just go with an open mind and heart!