Newcomer and alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 4
Newcomer and alone
Hello everyone
My husband is an AH... And I will say he has been since we met. At the begining I probably didn't see the signs because I was into party and having fun and I just thought that he was the same. We continued our relationship and got married three years ago. After that wedding I started to see the signs and everything started to change. I realized that he wasn't going to a "stage" like I was and that he actually had a problem.
He is not agressive and I have never found him pass out anywhere, but I know he drinks and that he hides it. Last year was a turning point for me, he got into pain medication and had a seizure while preparing dinner with me. He flew into the air and landed in our daughter high-chair (she was sitting on it).
I had enough.
Our daughter is 2 and is beautiful and healthy. I have stayed around all this time because of her.
NOW... He finally decided to get help....... But I am so worned out and angry and I don't think I love him anymore. I don't know if it is all that has happend or what. I just can fight this fight with him, but I want him to get better becuase of our D.
Well............ I just needed to vent..... Didi I mentioned that I live ina state where I have no finally and hardly any friends, so I find myself all alone......
THANKS
My husband is an AH... And I will say he has been since we met. At the begining I probably didn't see the signs because I was into party and having fun and I just thought that he was the same. We continued our relationship and got married three years ago. After that wedding I started to see the signs and everything started to change. I realized that he wasn't going to a "stage" like I was and that he actually had a problem.
He is not agressive and I have never found him pass out anywhere, but I know he drinks and that he hides it. Last year was a turning point for me, he got into pain medication and had a seizure while preparing dinner with me. He flew into the air and landed in our daughter high-chair (she was sitting on it).
I had enough.
Our daughter is 2 and is beautiful and healthy. I have stayed around all this time because of her.
NOW... He finally decided to get help....... But I am so worned out and angry and I don't think I love him anymore. I don't know if it is all that has happend or what. I just can fight this fight with him, but I want him to get better becuase of our D.
Well............ I just needed to vent..... Didi I mentioned that I live ina state where I have no finally and hardly any friends, so I find myself all alone......
THANKS
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Hi Lespraline and welcome to SR.
Living with or loving an alcoholic can be very difficult. You have come to the right place..
I'll be the first (of many) to tell you to try Alanon...It's a good support group for people who love alcoholics..you will hear many people with stories similar to yours..
It's free and many groups offer free babysitting..I'd suggest going to about 6 meetings...
I went and cried my eyes out for many many meetings..
Good luck.
Living with or loving an alcoholic can be very difficult. You have come to the right place..
I'll be the first (of many) to tell you to try Alanon...It's a good support group for people who love alcoholics..you will hear many people with stories similar to yours..
It's free and many groups offer free babysitting..I'd suggest going to about 6 meetings...
I went and cried my eyes out for many many meetings..
Good luck.
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Lespraline
You are not alone.
Al-anon is great if you are dealing with someone else's alcoholism. I go to as many as three meetings a week.
We need a lot of help when we are living with an alcoholic. That's why it's so helpful to come here and read what everbody has to say.
Keep coming back.
Robin
You are not alone.
Al-anon is great if you are dealing with someone else's alcoholism. I go to as many as three meetings a week.
We need a lot of help when we are living with an alcoholic. That's why it's so helpful to come here and read what everbody has to say.
Keep coming back.
Robin
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((Lespraline)))
Welcome! It is very painful to live with an alcoholic. I think when they get clean it is kinda a shock because we get used to them drinking even if we do not like it and we get in a groove with it. Then when they get clean we no longer have their drinking to react to and they go to meetings and stuff and it takes away from time with the family.
You did not mention what kind of help he is getting if he is in some kind of rehab situation usually there is some kind of counseling for the family of the alcoholic or addict too. It is good though that he has decided to get help I hope you can encourage him to keep it up.
Some AA meeting have an alanon meeting down the hall at the same time. I think it helps families when you both go to meetings and meet the other wives and husbands of the alcoholics that your husband is relating too in meetings...
Welcome! It is very painful to live with an alcoholic. I think when they get clean it is kinda a shock because we get used to them drinking even if we do not like it and we get in a groove with it. Then when they get clean we no longer have their drinking to react to and they go to meetings and stuff and it takes away from time with the family.
You did not mention what kind of help he is getting if he is in some kind of rehab situation usually there is some kind of counseling for the family of the alcoholic or addict too. It is good though that he has decided to get help I hope you can encourage him to keep it up.
Some AA meeting have an alanon meeting down the hall at the same time. I think it helps families when you both go to meetings and meet the other wives and husbands of the alcoholics that your husband is relating too in meetings...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 4
He is checking in into an inpatient rehab facility.... He will be going in next week. He wants to spend X-mas with his daughter. I don't know how his treatment is going to be, I just hope that everything works out......
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
Welcome. I'm sorry you are goign thru this. I find the best people to help you thru this are people who have been thru it and have been affected by alcoholism. I think others just "have no idea".
Alanon would be a good way to meet people as well and you could talk about your probs.
YOu could also see an addictions counselor as well.
Unfortunately, alcholism is a progressive illness and often sneaks up on us. It did me. Plus, I think we go into denial as well.
I find this forum helpful as well. I know I am not alone, others understand what I am saying and I can help others, etc. We all help one another. We all need a pat on the back.
I know it's hard also to be married to an alcoholic with a little one at home. They drain so much from you and then you have the alcoholic to contend with, almost like haivng another kid!
Alanon would be a good way to meet people as well and you could talk about your probs.
YOu could also see an addictions counselor as well.
Unfortunately, alcholism is a progressive illness and often sneaks up on us. It did me. Plus, I think we go into denial as well.
I find this forum helpful as well. I know I am not alone, others understand what I am saying and I can help others, etc. We all help one another. We all need a pat on the back.
I know it's hard also to be married to an alcoholic with a little one at home. They drain so much from you and then you have the alcoholic to contend with, almost like haivng another kid!
Reikihelps
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 221
Hi Lespraline,
Welcome to SR.
The inpatient clinic will probably have a component for family. Take advantage of it if you can. When my son was inpatient that componenet was very helpful to me.
You're doing a great job talking about your feelings. At meetings (face to face) you can do that and listen to so much good wisdom.
Glad you're here
Welcome to SR.
The inpatient clinic will probably have a component for family. Take advantage of it if you can. When my son was inpatient that componenet was very helpful to me.
You're doing a great job talking about your feelings. At meetings (face to face) you can do that and listen to so much good wisdom.
Glad you're here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 4
Thank YOU ALL
Hi It's me again
Just wanted to let everyone know that my H went into an ipatient treatment center today. I am looking forward to him getting better. I still have a lot of work to do on my part but everyday I understand more of what is going on.
I also wanted to ask if anyone knows how this treatments work and how succesfull they are??????
I know he couldn't wait any longer and as promised he went in right after X-Mas. I don't think he realizes want a great present this was........
I still fill a some anger and confusion, but I hopefull too.....
THANK YOU
Just wanted to let everyone know that my H went into an ipatient treatment center today. I am looking forward to him getting better. I still have a lot of work to do on my part but everyday I understand more of what is going on.
I also wanted to ask if anyone knows how this treatments work and how succesfull they are??????
I know he couldn't wait any longer and as promised he went in right after X-Mas. I don't think he realizes want a great present this was........
I still fill a some anger and confusion, but I hopefull too.....
THANK YOU
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Just so you know, he can walk out of Sunrise House at anytime. It's not a prison. The detox program is intense for the Alcoholic. He will probably have counselling after detox and then round the clock meetings.
Reikihelps
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 221
Hi Lespraline,
You had asked about inpatient treatment.
Some people do very well with inpatient care and can maintain recovery by working a program when they leave; others relapse and may need repeated experiences of inpatient care. It really varies. Statistics show that the longer the program the higher the success rate. For example 30 day programs are more successful that 2 week programs. The key though is in working a program. How someone gets to the point of working a program is very individual.
Props to you both for being open to it. Typically centers will educate families and offer some information on codependency. I found that to be very helpful (still is) even though my son relapsed big time.
I hope this was in some way helpful.
best wishes to you
You had asked about inpatient treatment.
Some people do very well with inpatient care and can maintain recovery by working a program when they leave; others relapse and may need repeated experiences of inpatient care. It really varies. Statistics show that the longer the program the higher the success rate. For example 30 day programs are more successful that 2 week programs. The key though is in working a program. How someone gets to the point of working a program is very individual.
Props to you both for being open to it. Typically centers will educate families and offer some information on codependency. I found that to be very helpful (still is) even though my son relapsed big time.
I hope this was in some way helpful.
best wishes to you
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