parasippany

I am married to a man that I love with all my heart... but he is an addict and an alcoholic. I came to the realization in August of last year that I was enabling him to continue on the distructive path he was leading. I moved out. But I live close by. He is still using, I am still enabling. I still make the excuses, still "clean up" after him. I have finally come to the conclusion that I have to walk away completely. Just typing that makes me want to throw up. He is going through all the same motions, the lies, the turning things around so its my fault, the guilt. He is at the bottom and I have to walk away, I feel like I am abandoning him when he needs me the most. I feel like such a terrible person. I can't sleep right, and I can't eat right, and I don't know what to do. I know I can't help him. I know I have to walk away, but it feels so WRONG. Then there are kids involved too, his and mine. we don't have any together, but we have 4 between us, he has his two with him, they shouldn't have to go through this. I feel like I am letting them down too. But these are all excuses again, and me being the enabler still. What do I do? Where do I go from here? And how do you get through the day from this end of game? How do you let go?

'Sippy

DesertEyes

Hi there Sippy, and welcome to SR :-)

Those are difficult questions. What I did was attend meetings of al-anon, where I heard other people share how they dealt with those exact issues in their life. I am letting go of the "A" in my life by working the 12 steps of the al-anon program. I am getting thru my days by starting a _new_ game, and a new life, for me.

There's some great al-anon meetings in Las Vegas, where you will find a lot of women, as well as a few guys, who are overcoming the same hardships that you are. You are welcomed at these meetings, and we will gladly tell you how the program has helped us in our lives.

Here's a list of meetings.

http://www.nevadaal-anon.org/sonvmeetinglist.html

Tonite there's a very good meeeting at the Community Church of Henderson. It's small, cozy and very positive. It's one of my favs. There's other meetings around town tonite as well, and every nite. Come on over and visit, we're saving a seat for you.

Mike :-)

robina

Hi Sippy - Welcome

You feel that way because the disease (of alcoholism) makes us feel that way. We are codependent, which means we try to take on responsibility for something we have no control over.

That's right - we can't control it, we can't cure it, and we didn't cause it.

How do you deal with these feelings? Slowly, and one day at a time. By following your own recovery program (in Al-anon) you will find the tools you need to get better, and to claim your life back. Slowly and surely, you will start to feel better.

Keep coming back. Let us know what happens, OK?

Robin