manicschematic

Hi,

I've been here before. I'm a 24 yr old mother of a 1yr old. I can't stop drinking. My husband is on the road all the time, so I take care of our child. I live with my mother in-law and I don't ever go anywhere. I have no cra. So when I get bored, I go across the street and get something to drink. I'm not even on the busline. My husband is very Christian, so he looks very down upon it. This is been a battle I've been fighting for years, I have sever anxiety. I'm afraid of loosing my child or husband. We used to drink and do drugs all the time. He was able to get over it, now he expects it to be easy for me. PLEASE HELP, I'm am so sad. I am drinking now.

manicschematic

Someone give a reply, I'm at my breaking piont

manicschematic

<SUP id=en-NIV-28092>15</SUP>I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. <SUP id=en-NIV-28093>16</SUP>And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. <SUP id=en-NIV-28094>17</SUP>As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

Anna

Hi,

I'm here to offer any help I can.

Anna

That's what happens with addiction. It starts out as an innocent drink and we think it helps us to cope with our life and then, all of a sudden, it has a hold on us and won't let go.

But, you can stop drinking and have the life you want.

Justme57

Hi there and welcome to SR

You have taken the first step by reaching out for help.

I was where you are at right now, BUT unfortunately it took me many more years of driking before i reached out for help, and because of that, I now have no relationship with my son and grandbabies.

I can only encourage you to adress your problem now, while your child is young.

For me , it was to ring the AA number in the phone book, and ask for help. The person who answers the phone, will understand exactly what you are feeling, and you will be able to get help.

I wish you luck

keep posting and reading

HUGX
Lee

manicschematic

They listen to my conversations, and I would be ridiculed. They are very spartan like and don't support me in any way.

earlybird

So,....listen to what you JUST said,.....you said that you wont call AA or call someone to get help because you are afraid you will be ridiculed. Being ridiculed, to you, is worse than killing yourself with alcohol? Believe me, if they would ridicule for calling AA, they are ridiculing you now. You think you DONT look ridiculous to them already?? Dont come onto a site like this, ask for help,...and then just volley back any suggestions that are served over the net to you.

Anna

Manic, I think you need to decide to do this for yourself. Many of us don't have support of family members when we decide to become sober. There is lots of support here at SR. And lots of inspiration too.

Justme57

Well, manic, it is YOUR choice. As has been said, at the moment they have reason to ridicule you.

Only YOU can make the decision to change, and believe me, nothing changes if nothing changes.

YOU have to take responibility for your own decisions.

Good Luck

HUGX
Lee

Done_With_It

Hey there sweetie, First of all if you want to get better, the "Poor Me" thing has got to go.
I know I don't know you and what you've been through,
but I know you've got a child and I wonder, What is she
about to go through. What kind of journey is her little life
going to have. It can be a great one or it can be a hard one. Mom's have a huge part in how their childs life is going to be. So drop any excuse you have to drink and/or do drugs. Because the excuses will come at you every day.

If you think your ridiculed now, CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW RIDICULED YOU will be if your child is taken away.

Quote:

We used to drink and do drugs all the time. He was able to get over it, now he expects it to be easy for me. PLEASE HELP, I'm am so sad. I am drinking now.

He made a choice to stop drinking and using, I highly doubt it was "Easy" for him and he probably has more stake in the fact that you two have a child than worrying about how easy or hard it is for you to 'Just Say No'.
It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says about your situation. It may be harder, easier, etc. You CAN do this and get yourself back on track. I've done it and so have many others here, and believe me you, It was no easy picnic.
It still isn't, it's a daily battle. You just have to stop and really think about what you want.
You want many more years like you have right now, keep drinking, Do drugs. You want it to change? Change it.

I am pulling for you. Fight for your child and Fight for the
You that you want to be.

DWI

ASH

Welcome to SR glad you found us. There is lots of support and information on getting sober. I hope you stick around, do some reading and keep posting. Maybe that will give you some insight on what step you are ready to take.
Is it possible for you to see a Dr. about the anxiety?
Take Care

Done_With_It

What about counseling? Can you talk to your husband and see about getting into to someone? Ash made a good point also, about the anxiety thing. I have a prescription for it. I use it when I need too and it helps a lot.

How are you doing now?

Phinneas

Welcome to SR, manicschematic. Do you have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonomous? Why don't you start by reading that? You can get it at your library or online or at an AA meeting in your area. It is a book of hope. A book of solutions to our problem.

grasshopperpie

Hi, Nicole. You mentioned you'd been here before, so I had a look at your previous posts to get a better sense of your background and situation. You mentioned that you have both a drug and alcohol problem, as well as being a severely battered wife--beaten to the point of unconsciousness, as you put it. And also a woman who repeatedly turns to alcohol and various drugs because of "boredom". You said you didn't want to leave your husband, despite the horrific abuse. You also said you'd been prescribed Xanax for your anxiety, but didn't "really feel like" filling the prescription.

I'm sorry, and I hate to chime in here with a lecture, as I don't really feel entitled to tell anyone how to live. But since you asked for help and advice, I think it's glaringly obvious--to you, and to all of us--what's probably of the highest importance right now. Or at least, what should be. And that's your son. You need to get him to a safe place, both physical and emotional, IMO. And NOW! If that means you're not in the picture for the time being, then so be it, as far as I am concerned. If that means putting him in care while you get sober/clean/away from abuse, then do that. If it means getting both of you to a shelter, then do that. If it means leaving him with the mother-in-law or another relative for now, then do that.

I'm not blessed with kids--my husband and I can't have them. And if there's anything that makes me angrier than hell, it's seeing someone bring an innocent life into the world, and then fail to provide for his/her basic well being. You created this precious human. PLEASE take care of him. And if you can't right now, please make sure he is somewhere where someone can.

I'm not heartless, and I apologize if this sounds harsh--I am truly, truly sorry for your pain and despair right now. But what concerns me even *more* than that is the inevitable pain and despair your son will suffer if this cycle is not broken somehow. PLEASE get help. For him and for you. Reading responses to your threads here at SR can only do so much. YOU need to take the next step. A real step.

My prayers are with you tonight. Boy, are they with you!

manicschematic

I am reaching out because it seems that no one else in my life seems to understand. I take dang good care of my child, and I thank God everyday for him. I'm starting to think I have Pyroluria. It fits me. It's not an excuse, but it needs treatment. It means that I have a problem with my biochemistry, making it hard for me to deal with anxiety or stress. Mostly I was just looking for answers. Whem I say I would be ridiculed for calling AA. I mean that my inlaws are spartanlike, any reach for help like that would consider me weak. In their eyes that is. Thats why I'm raeching out to you. God Bless

CarolD

Hello...

I too read your old posts. I see a pattern that is on going.

GP is correct...you and your son need a drastic change.

There is hope for a better future and you can make it happen.

Blessings...

nytecomm

Hi Manic, I'm not going to reword what everyone has offered you for advice, but I sure hope that you take the advice that DWI and Grasshopperie gave you. You need a change, hopfully you can pull it from within yourself..
God Bless,
Dave

earlybird

Ugh!!..........You DONT have pyroluria. My [email protected] with the "poor me" routine. Its old and its tired. You have become comfortable in the role of "victim" that you have created for yourself. Abuse and all. You take the abuse,...then go "medicate" having the feeling that you "deserve it" after all the abuse you take. Constant predetermined cycles. You "need" the abuse in order to justify the drinking or drugging. Thats why you refuse to leave the abusive husband situation. You ask for help, we give suggestions and you shoot them down one by one. "hows this?" ...."No,..no good,.....I will be ridiculed"......."Uh,...ok,...how about THIS idea?"......"Nope,...that wont work either,...I have pyroluria,......what else ya got?"

By the way,...........you arent EVER taking "dang good care" of your son if you are abusing alcohol or drugs OR refusing to leave an abusive husband. Nice,...........way to FORCE your child to be around danger and abuse all the time.

Go back and read all nineteen of your posts dating all the way back to early August. Read them,......and tell me again how you are being a "Dang good" Mother. D-E-N-I-A-L

earlybird

Im sorry to be so harsh. But you just dont get it. YOU are the problem. Not your son, not your husband, not society, not your jobs, not God, YOU,........YOU YOU YOU. Until you ACTUALLY want to quit....you wont. You will continue to be a lousy Mom who does drugs and drinks heavily and refuses to get out of an abusive marriage. Read that last sentence and tell me if anyone would find anything in it to ridicule. And YOUR AFRAID ASKING FOR HELP WILL GET YOU RIDICULED????? wow...