TexasDawn

Rock bottom can mean different things to different people. This past time my drinking habit was actually safer than the last time, because this time I vowed to stay at home and drink, instead of going out to bars like i use to and then driving home drunk at 2am. My husband didn't like that needless to say. And now my kids are getting old enough to recognize a drinking problem. My rock bottom this time was nothing major like a dui or anything like that. My rock bottom this time was merely my own sense of shame when I realized how out of control it was getting again and that I was setting a poor example to my kids, one of whom is a young teenager. And I homeschool for God's sake! Is that what I want to be teaching my kids?! No. So I quit again. Even though I only drank at night (i.e. never during the day or during school hours..........just drank in the evenings to relax). Although the last time I drank I did wake up with a hangover - not a very good school day let me tell ya. Anyway......... that was my rockbottom this time.


The only thing good that I can hope comes from this is that my kids will have a vague memory of my struggles with alcohol and maybe it will make them be more wary of it when they are older. Also they pray for me, and in their own way they are being supportive of my sobriety too. I gotta believe that God will bring good from it all. I love my kids so much and I am not gonna let alcohol take away the privilege of homeschooling them.

Peace & Love,
Texas D

CarolD

Depression was why I finally quit drinking.

I still had all the material things...looked good on the outside.

Inside my soul had withered in a sea of alcohol.

AA has taught me how to live sober...and enjoy it.

Blessings to you and your family...

cooky

Everyone's bottom is different.When ever you quit and get into AA that is your bottom.When you realize you have a problem and do something about it.That's it

Bob

Sheryl85

I was a lot like CarolD described. Although I maintained a good front (so much so that my boss who was 5 years sober at the time didn’t even realize I had a problem) and I had not lost the material things yet (which means “You’re Eligible Too!”), I was in really bad shape mentally and physically. When drinking, the blackouts were hitting more frequently and I didn’t have any idea when I’d have the next one. Now understand, I didn’t get into trouble every time I drank, but when I did get into trouble, I had been drinking. Finally my mental condition totally bottomed out and I felt that I wanted to do the “permanent solution” to a temporary problem. (I think you could say that I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable… Duh!) I had finally found that coldest, darkest, loneliest place in the world…

I went to my boss and told him that I thought I had a problem and he took me to my first AA meeting. I knew I didn’t have a drinking problem… I had a stopping problem. The folks in AA helped to show me a way of life that would become my bridge to normal living. I like my life today and I’ve learned how to like me. All I ever wanted to do was to learn how to not drink and be happy about it. Thanks to AA, today I have contented sobriety.

grasshopperpie

Thanks for posting your story, Dawn. I didn't really have a rock bottom, per se, either. What made me wake up to the fact that I needed to quit was cleaning, of all things...lol. Not an internal cleaning, but a literal one.

I got up one day (November 2nd, to be precise), and saw that the house was really a mess, so decided to clean the heck out of it. I hadn't planned to quit drinking that day, though the amounts I had been knocking back had been rising steadily--along with those niggling 'maybe I have a problem' thoughts, too.

Well, by the time I was done, my sink was sparkling, my laundry was spring fresh, my floors were gleaming...

.....and I had 26 empty bourbon bottles to toss out.

They had been 'hidden' everywhere. Beside the bed. In drawers. Behind books. Under the couch. You name it. Some were mine. A few were my husband's. Some....well, I just didn't remember--and couldn't imagine--how they got there. But I sure has hell knew how they got drained!

Seeing them all laid out, and then having to dispose of them without my neighbours knowing (or even the garbage man...lol...I decided to stagger their disposal over a few weeks, so as not to tip him off), shocked me into the realization that I did indeed have a problem--and a major one at that.

Now, I know some here will say (and have said, actually) that since I didn't really hit bottom (not to mention the fact that I don't attend AA or any group meetings), then I am not really in recovery yet. That I still have my 'last drunk', whatever that is. But I know it was enough of a wake-up call for me to stop. 43 full days now and counting, and so far...so good.

What's truly shocking (and also encouraging) to me in that number is that....all those empty bottles I collected? Well, that's almost HALF of what it would have taken to keep me as drunk as I was used to being. I would have run out weeks ago, had they all been completely full and had I kept drinking.

Valeria

grasshopper,

Everyone has their own bottom. Don't compare your bottom to someone else's. Hitting bottom is when you realize you can't go on as things are.

I would encourage you to go to meetings, however. I was scared to go to my first meeting. Now I look forward to them.

Valeria

grasshopperpie

Thanks, Valeria. I'm not sure if you meant to address me or Dawn, as she's the one who started this thread (I just posted on it), but I'll respond anyway.

I realize that I am not going to win Miss Congeniality...lol, as I have yet to attend a single meeting, and I know the majority here are big AA supporters. And I'm certain that you do mean well with your suggestion. But, honestly? I just don't feel any need/desire to join AA or any other formal recovery group. I'm really, truly, honest-to-God doing just fine with my own weird sorta self-tailored recovery program. My husband has quit, too, and is backing me 100 percent. I'm in counselling regularly. And I'm feeling great! And doing even better!

I know my own method is not for everyone, but it's working for me. I've said this before, and I truly hope it's not taken the wrong way this time, but I just wish people would stop pushing AA on people who are managing *really* well on their own, and not looking to attend group meetings.

Again, I really hope you are not offended. In no way did I mean my comments that way, but I apologize in advance if you are.

Valeria

First of all, I guess I addressed you and Dawn in one post. That addict who lives in my head confuses me sometimes!

If you are doing well in keeping sober with what you are doing, keep doing it. I am not offended. Different strokes for different folks. I hope I didn't offend you by suggesting an AA meeting. Sobriety is good no matter how you get there...

12345678

Rock Bottom to me is when there is no hope left. It sounds to me like you are taking responsibility for your addiction and you should be proud of yourself for that. I am proud of you. You have wonderful family. Never take that for granted. Your family only wants for you, what you want for your children. There are so many great support groups for woman in your situation and it sounds like you are ready. Best of luck to you and your family. God Bless!!!

grasshopperpie

You didn't offend me at all, Valeria. So I'm really sorry if it came out that way. I admire the heck out of people who have the strength to keep dragging their butts to meetings. I don't think I could keep it up. And I admire all that AA has done for people in recovery everywhere. It's just not for me. At least, not right now. If the time comes where I can't handle sobriety on my own, believe me, I will reach out--or try to.

Again, I'm sorry to have singled you out. You just had the misfortune of being the most recent person to suggest AA to me...lol. As much as I love this site, and as much as it has helped me more than I can ever express, the *one* thing about it that doesn't exactly please me is the heavily pro-AA stance that seems to be pushed by those who think anything else is 'not real sobriety'.

It just gets frustrating sometimes for someone like me, who along with being sober, is honestly working to be a better, stronger and more productive community member and person, too. Just not necessarily through AA.

TexasDawn

Hi Grasshopper!

Thanks for all the posts on this thread.

I can relate to you - I don't go to AA either. I'm not for it or against it really; I say whatever works for people is what they should do.

Years ago I did go to AA for about a year or so. I got bored with the meetings and I had a sponsor who wanted me to call her EVERYDAY. I just wasn't into it. I also felt like there was a pressure to go to as many meetings as possible. I felt like all I did was go to meetings. I wanted someone or something to teach me how to live outside the fours walls of AA.

In a way I feel a bit hypocritical because AA did help me quite a bit the first few months. I realize that part of the purpose of AA is for the people who rec'd help there to hang around long enough to help others, and I guess I never really did that. I do hope to stay involved with this forum and to encourage people that way. I also attend church twice a week and for me that is a source of comfort and strength.

I've quit before, so I know I can do it again........ but it's still hard and it still sucks and I could kick myself for ever going back to it after 4 years of sobriety. I had quit on the first day of the new millenium too! Darn if it doesn't tick me off that I ruined that sobriety date! I held on to it for 4 years though. sigh.


Good luck to you GP! And keep posting!!!! It's good to have people belong to this forum who are not involved with AA just to let people know out there that there are other ways to stop. And yeh, rockbottom is different for everyone. I've visited that place a few times in my life; not sure which time was the worst.... but each time seemed like rockbottom at the time. I hope this time I quit for good. i seem to quit for a few years and then eventually go back to it. I've done that so many times I'm starting to wonder if that will be the pattern for the rest of my life. I hope not though.

Dawn :sk ( I need a nap!)

daddysdaughter

I guess I am seeing the idea of rock bottom from my perspective. the perspective of a child of an alcoholic and maybe a hidden coke addict. It means to me when there is nothing left, no personal resources, no resources that will be extended from family or friends and no plan for continued survival in a way that is tolerable to the individual living it. I know that all types of additional means of downfally can happen along the way like disease, bankruptcy, and loss of loved ones through deception and cheating them. I think that everyone's rock bottom is different. I think that my father's threshold for tolerance of bad situiations it much lower than mine. If i had gotten evicted from an apartment that would be enough for me, but it has happened to him countless times and he just finds new women to support him. If I lived that way I would feel like I was prostituting but he does not. It seems to be an accepted way of life for him. I would be terribly afraid of disease and what that does to people emotionally, but he seems to have no worries about it at all. Who knows what his rock bottom is...I dont think I can see that far down!

sherbear5104

I was told that my bottom can be at any level I choose. I agree with the others that it is when you've had enough. Some people can live in hell a while longer than others choose to. How bout if we all start digging our way out of these holes we have dug, and live a new life? Have a blessed day, everyone.

Sherry

earlybird

Rockbottoms dont have to be when you lose your home, you feel ashamed, or when you lose your job, you feel ashamed, or when you lose your family and S.O. walks out on you, you feel ashamed. Its WHATEVER gets you to that level of shame and loneliness. For some that may just be losing a job. For others, it may take more. Losing a job, husband or wife, health, money and house. That level of shame may just hit after having lost more, thats all. It also may be when you finally are tired of feeling sick and rundown all the time.

Dan

It's when you throw the shovel away, and find the courage to get dirt under your fingernails crawling out.

minnie

When enough is enough.

2dayzmuse

Rock bottom for me was spending every hour of every day drunk and incapacitated. How much alcohol can one person consume in a 24 hour period? Enough to kill you. If I hadn't of stopped I wouldn't be here today. There is no doubt in my mind.

BeamMeUpScotty

For me, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got fed up with waiting until lunch to be rid of my hangover.

As for AA, if it works for people, great. I would never tell someone not to do something to get themselves sober. As for me, I read through the 12 steps and I knew the group is not for me. Not because of the underlying message, but because of the religious nature of it all. There is a chapter for agnostics, but that still doesn't include me--a devout atheist. I believe human beings can help ourselves and each other and solve our problems through resolve and reason. Anyway, find what help fits you and go with it. AA is not for everybody so don't feel guilty if you don't go to it (and I know all those who suggest it are doing so with the best intentions--you might just want to rethink your approach ).

Take care.

nogard

Its when I woke up being sick & tired of being sick & tired.

Time before it was because I was so close to death, that even I had to acknowledge it.

It takes you where it takes you, but it always takes you.

Kevin

Phinneas

For me, getting into recovery was not about hitting my bottom. I hit bottom after bottom and kept digging. For me it was about hitting surrender. I gave up. I gave up trying to live and I gave up trying to die. That's when I got recovery.