broken hearted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: ca
Posts: 15
broken hearted
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas. My A was in the ER again. He went in two days prior and had to be rescuscitated once. Doctor said he was a walking miracle. Of course he came home and said how scared he was, etc. and he was quitting. Well, I went to church Christmas eve and I guess he made it to the store for his bottle. I called the paramedics on Christmas morning to come get him. They sent him home that night and this morning I put him on a plane to the east coast where his parents were to pick him up and put him in a rehab facility. They're finally getting involved, thank god. They called me tonight and he didn't make his connecting flight. Apparently he was too intoxicated to get on the plane. Come to find out he also took a whole bottle of Atavan that the doctor had given him. Got a call from the police saying he was transported to a hospital and they have him locked down and not going anywhere but straight to a detox center. I think he's trying to commit suicide. ANyone experienced anything like this?
I'm trying to hard to let go and let God but I am hurting so bad. I am so afraid for him. I'm feeling so terrible for all the yelling and screaming I've done to him this past week. I just cant believe my life has come to this. I'm afraid I may never see him again. You know, as ****** as all this is and all the anger I have for everything he's done, you just can't stop caring about your spouse. I just keep picturing the guy he used to be.... smart, hard working, very successful in his career, good looking, kind, thoughtful, just a great guy. What in the hell went wrong?????? How do you find it in you to let go of the person you always thought was your soul mate?
I'm trying to hard to let go and let God but I am hurting so bad. I am so afraid for him. I'm feeling so terrible for all the yelling and screaming I've done to him this past week. I just cant believe my life has come to this. I'm afraid I may never see him again. You know, as ****** as all this is and all the anger I have for everything he's done, you just can't stop caring about your spouse. I just keep picturing the guy he used to be.... smart, hard working, very successful in his career, good looking, kind, thoughtful, just a great guy. What in the hell went wrong?????? How do you find it in you to let go of the person you always thought was your soul mate?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Oh my god, I am so sorry. Your post just broke my heart. Unfortunately addiction has gotten the best of many great people. "It's a cunning and baffling" disease and there's no sense in trying to make sense of it. That's why I love alanon so much. Us addicts are kind of just defined here....you don't have to analyze the whys because they're all the same when it comes to the actions and behaviors exhibited around drugs and alcohol.
Your A has his own higher power to look out for him. He's safe and in detox and will be coming back. I would take this time to reflect, take plenty of bubble baths, make a plan for what you may need to do if certain situations arise, decide what you will and will not tolerate and come up with some boundaris. Be good to yourself for this quiet time and pray.
I hope everything turns out the way you want it to. You're not alone and believe it or not your A's behavior is not any different from any other addict.
Your A has his own higher power to look out for him. He's safe and in detox and will be coming back. I would take this time to reflect, take plenty of bubble baths, make a plan for what you may need to do if certain situations arise, decide what you will and will not tolerate and come up with some boundaris. Be good to yourself for this quiet time and pray.
I hope everything turns out the way you want it to. You're not alone and believe it or not your A's behavior is not any different from any other addict.
Guest
Posts: n/a
twice is nice,
I just went through this with my son not too long ago. I had to go pick him up off the street and take him to the ER because he was suicidal. I brought him home and he took a bottle of my pills and drank a ton of alcohol. I took him to the mental hospital and they stablized him. He did well for awhile after that. He hasn't been that bad again yet.
I think that sometimes the addiction just takes over and intervention is needed to help them out.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I will say a prayer for both of you.
Sometimes it can look real hopeless and those are the times there is a breakthrough.
Keep working on you. You are worth it.
Hugs,
MG
I just went through this with my son not too long ago. I had to go pick him up off the street and take him to the ER because he was suicidal. I brought him home and he took a bottle of my pills and drank a ton of alcohol. I took him to the mental hospital and they stablized him. He did well for awhile after that. He hasn't been that bad again yet.
I think that sometimes the addiction just takes over and intervention is needed to help them out.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I will say a prayer for both of you.
Sometimes it can look real hopeless and those are the times there is a breakthrough.
Keep working on you. You are worth it.
Hugs,
MG
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
((((((TWICE))))))
I wanted to give you a big hug. My heart breaks for you.
Right now, at least you have a bit of peace. Reflection is a good idea. Reflect on all the things that you have tried and that have not worked and you will know how truly powerless we all are in these situations. We have no choice but to give it to God.
Hugs,
JT
I wanted to give you a big hug. My heart breaks for you.
Right now, at least you have a bit of peace. Reflection is a good idea. Reflect on all the things that you have tried and that have not worked and you will know how truly powerless we all are in these situations. We have no choice but to give it to God.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
((((((((Twice as Nice)))))))))
I don't have any real advise for you other than I don't think there is a real answer to all the why's. I think it's just "is". We have to learn to stop asking why and just except that it just is. I haven't learned to do that yet either.
My husband the A was also all those things and I thought was my soul mate. It's really hard but I've learned over the past two years that I can't change him or the disease. Because of my own disease I still sometimes want to. I don't think me wanting to help others is ever going to change. That's just who I am but by me removing myself from the middle of the disease helps me let go and let God.
My A told me on Christmas Eve that he couldn't give me what I wanted and that is 1 year with no drinking and committed AA meetings. He said other women don't have a problem with his drinking that I was the one that had the problem. He wasn't going to quit drinking. It really hurts that he chose alcohol over me and his children.
I've learned to take things one day at a time instead of thinking about tomorrow, next week, or next month which is what I used to do. It really helps me to cope with things alot better.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just making too much out of his drinking and if I should let him move home. But, then I think I shouldn't have to compromize myself and what I want and then I think he is my husband shouldn't I be there to support and help him afterall I had children with him and I do love him.
I'v e been with other men but I still only dream and think of him even now after all this time.
Take care of yourself and know that I'm thinking of you.
Love,
Galnva
I don't have any real advise for you other than I don't think there is a real answer to all the why's. I think it's just "is". We have to learn to stop asking why and just except that it just is. I haven't learned to do that yet either.
My husband the A was also all those things and I thought was my soul mate. It's really hard but I've learned over the past two years that I can't change him or the disease. Because of my own disease I still sometimes want to. I don't think me wanting to help others is ever going to change. That's just who I am but by me removing myself from the middle of the disease helps me let go and let God.
My A told me on Christmas Eve that he couldn't give me what I wanted and that is 1 year with no drinking and committed AA meetings. He said other women don't have a problem with his drinking that I was the one that had the problem. He wasn't going to quit drinking. It really hurts that he chose alcohol over me and his children.
I've learned to take things one day at a time instead of thinking about tomorrow, next week, or next month which is what I used to do. It really helps me to cope with things alot better.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just making too much out of his drinking and if I should let him move home. But, then I think I shouldn't have to compromize myself and what I want and then I think he is my husband shouldn't I be there to support and help him afterall I had children with him and I do love him.
I'v e been with other men but I still only dream and think of him even now after all this time.
Take care of yourself and know that I'm thinking of you.
Love,
Galnva
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Hugs to you. My heart is so heavy and I can sO relate to your situation. I can tell you that the best thing to do for him is to let his HP's light shine and work on him. If you are standing in his HP's light, he cant work as effectively. I can tell you that the best thing for you and your sanity and peace is to detach and let go to take care of yourself. I can tell you these things because I got the information from the wise folks here. I can't tell you how, I'm in the middle of finding out these answers myself. We need to pray, and PURSUE peace. Let me know if you find any short cuts!!!LOL......
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Twice
I too want to offer my prayers for you and your husband, and just to let you know I care.
Keep praying, and turn this over to your Higher Power. He won't let you down. And then stay out of His way.
Sadly, it is often only when they hit a terrible bottom, like this, that they think about recovery, so this may turn out to be something good that may save his life. Never underestimate the ability of an addict to turn around. I was told recently that miracles happen every day, and I believe that with all my heart.
May your miracle happen soon.
I too want to offer my prayers for you and your husband, and just to let you know I care.
Keep praying, and turn this over to your Higher Power. He won't let you down. And then stay out of His way.
Sadly, it is often only when they hit a terrible bottom, like this, that they think about recovery, so this may turn out to be something good that may save his life. Never underestimate the ability of an addict to turn around. I was told recently that miracles happen every day, and I believe that with all my heart.
May your miracle happen soon.
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
Twice is Nice,
Sending prayers your way, I am so sorry
you are going through this. I believe
in miracles too, and HP has a hand in
all of this.
I remember one time I was so upset with
my youngest son-I told him he was killing
himself and I couldn't stand by and
watch. He said he didn't care what happened, and he wasn't planning on living to be 30. A year later he was
arrested and arrested and arrested, and
has been in jail now for 6 months.
Thank you God.
Please try and take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Sending prayers your way, I am so sorry
you are going through this. I believe
in miracles too, and HP has a hand in
all of this.
I remember one time I was so upset with
my youngest son-I told him he was killing
himself and I couldn't stand by and
watch. He said he didn't care what happened, and he wasn't planning on living to be 30. A year later he was
arrested and arrested and arrested, and
has been in jail now for 6 months.
Thank you God.
Please try and take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 2
twice is nice,
it is needless to say that your spouse is in a very hard place right now. i was in a similar place as he a couple years ago (this reply might be a different perspective). i wasn't in any rehabs or having a drinking or drug problem but i landed myself in the hospital at a suicide attempt and it is very scary. i think he probably feels a ton of guilt and like everybody is against him, because that is how it looks from that point of view. on the outside it's clear that everyone is just trying to help, but its likely he doesn't see it that way. the guilt can make a person want to keep drinking rather than want to change. and i'm sure all the intoxication is making his thinking unclear and probably incredibly depressed. i think it is good that he ended up in detox/rehab, because the most important thing is for him to get to a point where he is somewhat clear. i rarely drink but if i go out for just one night i can feel the effects of the alcohol for days sometimes, it can make me feel confused or bring me down. and thats just a little bit of booze in comparison. getting intoxicated to the point of death is really hard on a person's entire body. i think that his best bet is to get through the detox and then, if you want to be there for him, you can try your best to show him that youre doing this because you care about him and that you are on his side. that is my advice coming from where i once was. i think right now he needs to feel some hope by way of realizing that he has a friend who is on his side, rather than guilty and like everyone is against him. good luck and take care of yourself.
ps i am new here and this is my first post, so hello to everyone out there. i am glad to have found this place
cameron
it is needless to say that your spouse is in a very hard place right now. i was in a similar place as he a couple years ago (this reply might be a different perspective). i wasn't in any rehabs or having a drinking or drug problem but i landed myself in the hospital at a suicide attempt and it is very scary. i think he probably feels a ton of guilt and like everybody is against him, because that is how it looks from that point of view. on the outside it's clear that everyone is just trying to help, but its likely he doesn't see it that way. the guilt can make a person want to keep drinking rather than want to change. and i'm sure all the intoxication is making his thinking unclear and probably incredibly depressed. i think it is good that he ended up in detox/rehab, because the most important thing is for him to get to a point where he is somewhat clear. i rarely drink but if i go out for just one night i can feel the effects of the alcohol for days sometimes, it can make me feel confused or bring me down. and thats just a little bit of booze in comparison. getting intoxicated to the point of death is really hard on a person's entire body. i think that his best bet is to get through the detox and then, if you want to be there for him, you can try your best to show him that youre doing this because you care about him and that you are on his side. that is my advice coming from where i once was. i think right now he needs to feel some hope by way of realizing that he has a friend who is on his side, rather than guilty and like everyone is against him. good luck and take care of yourself.
ps i am new here and this is my first post, so hello to everyone out there. i am glad to have found this place
cameron
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