rainbow123

I'm new here and have spent several days reading, taking it all in. I'll try to make this short as I need some guidance through this situation. I read all about enabling, codependance, etc.

I am currently with someone who I believe is an alcoholic. He isn't your typical "drink everyday" type....mostly weekends. But when he does, it's over the top, nothing I've (or anyone) has experienced. You never know if it'll be a night out with just social drinking or the crazy night that ends with him unable to speak, stand, etc. He has all the crazy behaviour to go along with it. He's been this way since I can remember. Got in trouble quite a bit in his early twenties, always had someone (his mom) to bail him out. I chalked that up to we all act stupid when we're in college. Fast forward to now. He is successful, charming, blah blah blah. Still gets into trouble from time to time due to drinking. Doesn't seem to think it's a problem, never wants to talk about it really. NOw, he was involved in a car accident. He's in the hospital and hurt pretty bad.

My question, how do I not enable him? I see that I have been doing that by "care taking". I have never really been a mad person, just more concerned and worried about him when he's out. I feel for him that he's hurt. When he comes home or even now while he's in the hospital, do you not speak of how he could have killed himself or someone else? When he comes home, then what?

Sorry to ramble, I'm confused. He hasn't said a word about his near death experience or the fact that he shouldn't have been driving.....NOTHING! I haven't either. I just don't know where to go from here. any suggestions?

best

What I do (have done) I mention it "once" and then let them deal with what ever their choices make of it.
'Wow! you were blessed this time. Next time, who knows?" and then I drop it. Their problem as I can't force their hand.
You may want to look into Al Anon meetings. You will find much needed support and info at them.

rainbow123

thank you. But then what? When he comes home take care of him as needed as if he simply has the flu?

Soul Catcher

Pretty much. I wouldn't baby him or go out of your way. I hope his mother stays her distance. The only reason this sucks for you is he is going to start to like his pain killers. They are "the drink" for someone who can't drink. I'm not one to ask about how to treat him emotionally because I believe that they are responsible for their own actions. I wouldn't feed into him hurting or show him sympathy because his actions got him there, right? I mean, did HIS drinking cause his accident? They don't see themselves as lucky, they see it as more inevitable and they just have to get through it so they can go back to where they were. Do ONLY what you can for him. Take care of yourself. Do as you would a friend. That's just what I would do. This is only a hill in the world of alcoholism.

rainbow123

SHe won't keep her distance, never, LOL. Yes, he was quite intoxicated. I keep waiting for the "I'll never drink again" or "I'll never drink and drive again." But, nope, none of that.