It's so hard...............
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
It's so hard...............
Why do I still give my A the benefit of the doubt when I know in my head what the outcome is going to be? I know in my head that nothing is going to be any different but my heart keeps hanging on.
Yesterday and the day before were really hard for me. The A called Christmas Eve to tell me that he wasn't going to come get the kids on Christmas, he was going to wait until this weekend since this was his weekend anyway.
He told me that he couldn't give me what I wanted which was 1 year with no drinking and for him to participate in the kids lifes more and help me more where the kids are concerned. He told me that I was the only one that had a problem with his drinking. Other women enjoy being with him whether he's drinking or not. He said he could cut down but wasn't going to quit. Then I told him that was his answer of why we can't get back together.
It makes me really sad that he doesn't think the kids and I are worth it. He tells me all the time how much he still loves me but I just can't understand why he won't quit drinking. I know he has to do it for himself but why can't he see how much he has lost and how much he could gain if he would quit. He really is depressed and unhappy on the inside. After all the crap, I still worry about what he thinks and it bothers me that he doesn't have much to do with our children. I can't seem to let it go completely without letting it drift back.
He didn't even ask to speak to his children, I asked him if he wanted to talk to them he said are you going to let me. I have never not let him talk or see them when he wanted. That was just his way of trying to turn it around to make it my fault. He didn't even call them until 4:30 on Christmas day.
Today is a new day and I'm feeling a little better. I hope everyone had a good Christmas.
Love,
Galnva
Yesterday and the day before were really hard for me. The A called Christmas Eve to tell me that he wasn't going to come get the kids on Christmas, he was going to wait until this weekend since this was his weekend anyway.
He told me that he couldn't give me what I wanted which was 1 year with no drinking and for him to participate in the kids lifes more and help me more where the kids are concerned. He told me that I was the only one that had a problem with his drinking. Other women enjoy being with him whether he's drinking or not. He said he could cut down but wasn't going to quit. Then I told him that was his answer of why we can't get back together.
It makes me really sad that he doesn't think the kids and I are worth it. He tells me all the time how much he still loves me but I just can't understand why he won't quit drinking. I know he has to do it for himself but why can't he see how much he has lost and how much he could gain if he would quit. He really is depressed and unhappy on the inside. After all the crap, I still worry about what he thinks and it bothers me that he doesn't have much to do with our children. I can't seem to let it go completely without letting it drift back.
He didn't even ask to speak to his children, I asked him if he wanted to talk to them he said are you going to let me. I have never not let him talk or see them when he wanted. That was just his way of trying to turn it around to make it my fault. He didn't even call them until 4:30 on Christmas day.
Today is a new day and I'm feeling a little better. I hope everyone had a good Christmas.
Love,
Galnva
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Merry Christmas, Galnva.
I know that I am going to make a New Years resolution, to make the New Year all about ME and MY recovery. Want to join me?
I don't know about you, but I am tired of banking my life on what THEY think and what THEY decide to do.
Come on Gal - let's start a new life that's just all about US.
I know that I am going to make a New Years resolution, to make the New Year all about ME and MY recovery. Want to join me?
I don't know about you, but I am tired of banking my life on what THEY think and what THEY decide to do.
Come on Gal - let's start a new life that's just all about US.
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Georgia
Posts: 45
Good Morning Sis, I believe I have had a conversation that was very similiar to the one you had with your A yesterday.
I send you my love and support and my best wishes for your health and happiness.
I cannot read the future and I am not even sure if I would want to if I could but maybe?
I can only tell you how it ended up for me. He was going to cut back and that I was being too hard on him .. that I was just trying to make him feel unloved and unworthy and a bad person.
Well I let him go on and even gave him my approval to drink in moderation as he called it ... to help with his stress level.
He was soon back to drinking the vodka straight out of the bottle ... hidden of course and drinking beers straight out of the bottle while standing in the kitchen .. would drink two in there and bring another one back with him like it was all he was drinking.
He sure thought I was a big fool but hey maybe I am for staying?
But anyway, hugs to you sis and I sure am sorry for your problems.
Do you think it is safe for him to take the kids when he is actively drinking?
Sealy
I send you my love and support and my best wishes for your health and happiness.
I cannot read the future and I am not even sure if I would want to if I could but maybe?
I can only tell you how it ended up for me. He was going to cut back and that I was being too hard on him .. that I was just trying to make him feel unloved and unworthy and a bad person.
Well I let him go on and even gave him my approval to drink in moderation as he called it ... to help with his stress level.
He was soon back to drinking the vodka straight out of the bottle ... hidden of course and drinking beers straight out of the bottle while standing in the kitchen .. would drink two in there and bring another one back with him like it was all he was drinking.
He sure thought I was a big fool but hey maybe I am for staying?
But anyway, hugs to you sis and I sure am sorry for your problems.
Do you think it is safe for him to take the kids when he is actively drinking?
Sealy
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Galnva
I know how hard it has to be. And the holidays make it even harder. But you can't wish it to be, and no amount of feeling sad will change any of it.
What he said is in no way a reflection on you or your kids. It is a refection of who he is. He can drink and not live at home but leaving the kids out of his life speaks very loudly about the kind of person he is. Don't even give any thought to his comment about "other woman don't mind". You are better than that. It was a cruel thing to say to you and a cruel person who said it. Don't buy into it.
You owe it to your kids to be a happy and upbeat person even the face of adversity. Your kids will have their eyes and ears open throughout their lives at home. So give yourself that gift and like Ann said. 2003 is all about you!!
Hugs,
JT
I know how hard it has to be. And the holidays make it even harder. But you can't wish it to be, and no amount of feeling sad will change any of it.
What he said is in no way a reflection on you or your kids. It is a refection of who he is. He can drink and not live at home but leaving the kids out of his life speaks very loudly about the kind of person he is. Don't even give any thought to his comment about "other woman don't mind". You are better than that. It was a cruel thing to say to you and a cruel person who said it. Don't buy into it.
You owe it to your kids to be a happy and upbeat person even the face of adversity. Your kids will have their eyes and ears open throughout their lives at home. So give yourself that gift and like Ann said. 2003 is all about you!!
Hugs,
JT
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