youngbuck

I go to AA meetings and have been feeling mixed up lately.
I am also seeing a "shrink". I take prescription drugs for depression. I have some people in meetings telling me I am not sober if I take these drugs. I saw my psychiatrist a couple days ago and talked to him about this.
He specializes in addictive personalities.
He feels I need the medication I've been taking to help me live a "normal" life.
I have made some progress in the three years I've been seeing him but I still have a lot of emptyness in me, my way of expressing depression.
I hear folks in meeting saying I need to go to more meetings, stay on the phone, read the book and that will do it. I tried that before and couldn't stay sober.
My periods of sobetity have gotten longer but I cannot seem to "stay" sober. I have been trying to stay clean and sober for so many years, since 1972.
You might ask "do I really want to be sober"? Well I do. The problem is I am always so unhappy when I am sober I wind up back at the point of wanting to get loaded so I don't feel the pain. The other side to this problem is that getting loaded doesn't turn off the pain anymore.
When I try to get loaded I don't feel the euphoria anymore! Is that crazy or what? So I feel like I am in no-mans land.
I know others out there feel like I do and I guess I wish people would say so instead of sounding like everything is great!
Or Maybe people like me just stay in the background and feel pain all their life.

I am not sure why I am writing this unless it is to get someone to say "I FEEL LIKE THAT TOO!"

Well I guess it's time to get off my soapbox so thanks for letting me speak my peace.
Thanks in advance for any replies.

sherbear5104

I can so relate. I have been trying to get sober since 1992. I understand exactly how you feel. I have 4 days this time. I have had up to 9 months. I kept making the same misake, though. I didn't want to listen to the suggestions. I wanted a relationship. I wanted instant gratification. I saw how happy people were and I wanted it, but I didn't want to give in completely. Half measures avail us nothing. It says so in the big book. Right in How it Works, which is read at every meeting I've been to. I don't follow the directions. I think I know a better way. You were at the meeting tonight when I talked about insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I can't change the program. There is only one way to work it and that is by surrendering completely. 100 %.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Sherry

youngbuck

Thanks for the words of encourgement. I am tired of being negative. I guess the thing I've learned tonight on this website is "act as if", if you know what I mean. I am going to get on the "positive" side of life and to do that I need people who already are.

Youngbuck

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

I too was in and out of AA....up and down like a Yo-Yo.

Then I read "Under The Influence" by Dr. James Milam & K. Ketcham. The information there clicked for me.

Using that info + God + AA I finally quit drinking.

It is sort of a handbook on the disease of alcoholism.

There is a sequel by Ketcham "Beyond The Influence" that I have not read.

Both are on Amazon about $20 the last I looked should you be interested..

Keep in touch...Blessings

jmhs002

People that tell you that you are not sober if you take prescription medication for depression are wrong - I have never heard of such an ignorant statement. If you were abusing prescription meds (i.e. pain pills, muscle relaxants, etc....) then that would be a different story.

Hope you stick around - you can find a lot of support here.
JMHS

Justme57

Hi there

I am sorry you are having such an unhappy time
I am an AA person too, and I have heard some people say the same thing regarding prescribed meds. Remember that this is only an "opinion". if you need them, then you need them.

Now, the fact that the booze doesn't work anymore , is the natural progression of the disease.In fact, I was about where you were when I decided to quit, it no longer filled the hole inside me, I was desperate.

I went to my first AA meeting, and believe me, I wanted the pain to end so badly, that if they had told me to stand on my head for 3 weeks and it would work, I would have done it.

I was told go to meetigs, listen up, and do a few suggested things, and it would get better. Not to drink under any circumstances!!!!!!!!!!!!! At first I was like a baby , and I did everthing I was told, surprisingly , for me , the depression cleared up after 3 months and has not retuirned. I am not saying it would be the same for you , this is how it was for ME!

Even if that is not the case for you, you can handle anything better if you dont drink.

Just dont drink today
Get to meetings (many)
Take what you want and leave the rest
get a Sponsor
Ring AA fiends ( often)

If you donty pick up the first drink you can't get drunk!

Good luck to you
HUGX
Lee

Greenbug

I would listen to the medical professional, other people in recovery might not understand but they are not you and not seeing a medical professional.

I don't know the specifics but expectations, humility and honesty can play on anyones recovery. YOUR recovery is about YOU and not anyone else. Most of the time people don't give a decent chance for recovery since using is such a quick fix but very short term. You need to make the decision do you want the "Quick fix" or long term sobriety which can bring you limitless happiness. Its really up to you. I to have also been in AA since 84, 4 different inpatient programs, in and out of jail/prison since 82. At some point I needed to let myself believe I was worth it, and from shear stupidity/stubbornness I thought I at least owed it to myself to try and give it a at least 25% of the time I had used. I have 8 years clean, and own my own business. It wasnt easy by any means, but I wouldnt change a thing today if I could.

Are you worth it....REALLY?

~GB

Sheryl85

I read what everyone has said so far and I couldn’t agree more. Let the doctors take care of the doctoring.

In my opinion there are certain people in life that you need to be gut level honest with; your doctor, your lawyer, your priest (if you are of that religious belief) and your sponsor (if you have one). When I sponsor people I do not tell them that they should or should not take certain medications. I’m not a doctor. The same goes with the other professions or vocations listed above because that is not where my experience is at. I know of a fellow member that was struggling with that same question because he had cancer and had to take some pretty powerful drugs during his treatment. He wasn’t sure that he should hold on to his old sobriety date. Man! I wanted to say something regarding that, but it is his program and I knew the decision lay with him and his conscience. So, I did the next best thing and that was to keep my mouth closed except to tell him that I was pulling for him as he made his decision and would support whatever he decided.

The main thing is that you don’t give up. Keep going to the meetings and remember that when you ask for a person’s opinion, it is just that, their opinion. You are the one who has to live with you 24/7. Good luck and let us know how it is going.

Greenbug

Simply put drinking and using is BUT A SYMPTOM of the decease. The real decease is the thinking that is associated with drinking and using NOT drinking and using itself. It is said when you actually do relapse the emotion relapse happened days before hand.

If you take drugs to get high, then you relapsed. If you follow the direction of the M.D. and follow the directions of the medication are far as frequency and amount of medication you have not relapsed.

Personal opinion of course. I know in the rehab in work in now and the SLE's I have worked at before, without question you need your meds.

lulu70

Hey there, Youngbuck--Welcome to SR! I am sorry you have had some people in AA give you mis-information. It is not up to AAers to decide who needs what medication. Anyone who told you that you are not sober because you are taking meds is absolutely WRONG! As others have said, as long as you are taking them as prescribed, there is nothing wrong with it. That's like telling a diabetic they won't be sober if they take their insulin!!

I took anti-depressants for the first year of sobriety and I am very glad that I did. Then I got it into my head that I didn't need them anymore. Now I am not so sure. I am starting a new med this week. Thank God I didn't relapse, but I easily could have--the depression has been pretty bad. However, I know that no matter how bad it may have seemed, it is no where near as bad as when I was drinking and using drugs. I just have to hang in there, one day at a time, and 'this too shall pass.'

I am wishing you the best...... Hope you will stick around and post some more. We are all here for you!

Hugs--

raerob

Well said, LuLu!!! I would only say that I hope your "shrink" has a very clear understanding of alcoholism...not all of them do. Sometimes it doesn't pay to be too honest at meetings...some things should remain private and personal...otherwise, you leave yourself open to well-meaning AA's to give you erroneous advice. Just remember, there is a big difference between taking meds versus using meds.

jesse63

Wow, it always amazes me how people completely misinterpret the disease of depression.

I am a doctor, and I've actually heard a lot of stories from patients who said that people at AA have told them that they "should not be taking" antidepressants. Well, I'm here to tell you this: it might be their "opinion", but it's completely misinformed. Just plain wrong. I don't understand why these people think they have the power and knowledge to know what is right and wrong for anyone else. I'm not bashing AA here; I know there are good and bad people in every organization. But these people should keep their "opinions" to themselves.

And yes, I understand what you're saying, because I am addicted to alcohol too. My personal belief is that I have an addiction, not a disease, but I know others disagree. That's fine.

Many people who abuse alcohol and other drugs are clinically depressed, and they are "self-medicating". As you have found, not only does this NOT work, but it ends up making things a whole lot worse. You are doing the RIGHT thing by treating your depression with medication. If you don't, you are even more in danger of falling back into the self-medication trap. Best of luck to you. I've been there and I know how it feels.

sherbear5104

Hey Youngbuck. Just wanted to see how you are doing. Hope you have a good day.

Sherry

Sugah

"10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy."

The tenth tradition tells us if it ain't alcohol, we have no opinion -- as a whole. Lots of people have their own opinion, but it's not an AA opinion. The book also tells us that we cooperate with others. Bill W. states this as one of the primary downfalls of the Washingtonians (though not the only one) -- they were too full of themselves, thinking they had an answer for everything and the only answer for everything.

As someone who took anti-depressants for more than ten years prior to sobriety, I do believe the steps will help with the variety of depression that I had. You may find it's the same for you...but you have to stay sober long enough to take the steps, right?

Prayers coming your way. Keep coming back, work with a sponsor, take the steps, and enjoy your sobriety!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

shutterbug

I hope you come back and keep us updated youngbuck.

It is not unusual for peeps with depression/mental illnesses to self-medicate with booze and drugs. In fact, statistics show that 85 percent of all bipolars self-medicate in these ways b/4 getting real help from docs.

I don't buy into the whole idea that you're not sober if you are taking prescription head meds (that arn't addicting or being abused). Why? Because statistica also show that peeps with mental illness who get their depression and such under control are much more likely to stay off the bottle! Often, cravings for the drug of choice even lift b/c your chemical imbalances in the brain are being leveled like that of a person without a mental illness.

I hope the term "mental illness" does offend you....I consider anyone who struggles with depression (other than those who are grieving deaths and who have situational depression like that) to have a mental illness. Why? Because often times there's more behind the depression that peeps think. Depression is a symptom to an illness in most cases.....very few people are ever expereincing JUST depression. However there are some physical causes for depression too, but I still call it mental illness because depression is well...mental. make sense?

Here are some physcial and chemical disorders that can cause prolonged depression:

ADD/ADHD
bipolar disorder
Sleep Apnea
Borderline Personality Disorder
Thyroid disfunction
Vitamin D deficiency
Anemia
Diabeties ( I think)

Anyway.....get checked out by a general physician if you can. Get a full physical work-up with blood work and all that to make sure there are not any physical reasons for the depression...such as thyroid disfunction. If you snore any at all then do some research on sleep apnea b/c you mostly have it and need treatment. Then ask a psychologist if you can get a full-mental evaluation to test for other mental issues you maybe dealing with.

There is a mental health forum here at SR if you are interested in finding out more..

Basically, your well-being and wellness is in YOUR hands and while I adore AA for what it can do and does for people, there are some who think that taking anti-depresants and mood stabalizers are a form of substance abuse. They've probably been talking to Tom Cruise's people or something, but they are very wrong in my book. Not all AA groups or individuals think that way....so try out different groups and different meeting times and go where you feel most comfortable.

Hugs and prayers,
Jenna

hector

(((youngbuck))). Lotsa hugs.

I've heard the b.s. for years that depression meds for recovering alcoholics are wrong. Don't listen to it. If anyone tries to say that again, ask to see his/her degree in medicine. They're prescribing without a licence.

My girlfriend is six years sober. She's bipolar. The meds only started to work properly when she sobered up. She will never listen to an AA member say she can do without them or she's not really sober. Who the hell do they think they are!

I'm seventeen years sober.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

shutterbug

Hector....that remindes me... one of my bipolar friends is 10 years sober and she will tell you there's no way should could be sober no if she had never gotten her bipolar under control with meds.

My ex-alcoholic, really late-stage, got sober for 2 years, started up a business and in that time made over a million dollars and had the world at his feet, but never got help with his mental illnesses and after 2 years decided he either had to start drinking again or kill himself because he couldn't handle it. He started drinking again and it's such a waste b/c he's so smart and talented and would be a on tour with several well-known country bands as their lead guitarist if it wasn't for the alcoholc and mental problems, yet he refuses to see a doc or get on meds. Even drinking, he's still very suicidal too.

Remember....1 in 5 bipolars commit suicide...it's a fact. So meds keep many of us alive.