Scared Sober
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Scared Sober
For a life-long alcoholic like myself, giving up liquor was a frightening thought. Besides the fear of quitting, many many questions surfaced.
How am I going to do this? What are my friends going to think? How do I stop something that seems so impossible to stop? I know I need to quit-- can't I just drink one or two? And be happy? How do I get past the shame, the guilt, and all of the destruction I've caused?
It's easier than your mind tells you it is. Recently, I celebrated my third anniversary of uninterrupted sobriety. Not a single drop. Frankly, I didn't think I would survive the first two weeks. It was difficult at first, and then a miracle happened...I stopped worrying about never being able to enjoy my beer. I loved my beer & hated to give it up. The insanity lies in not being able to walk away from something that is killing you and everyone else around you.
There is Hope. There is Help. And it's possible. Never say Never, and don't give up on yourself. I had to surrender completely. There is no other option. Believe it or not, I'm preaching to myself with this post and I need to be ever mindful of the delicate balance of my sobriety. There's no permanent cure. It's a daily reprieve. My addiction is in remission. But if I turn my back on treatment, I'm history. That little bottle--and the demon it contains--is constantly seeking my demise. In the blink of an eye, I could suddenly find myself ''put out to pasture'' as my Grandma used to say and I'll be ''pushing up the daisies''.
And for the very first time in my life, I can say ''I think I like the person I'm becoming''.
One of my favorite sayings is, "The first two of anything can be difficult. The first two days...the first two weeks...the first two months...and not to mention the first two years!" You just have to hold on tightly.
A police officer recently answered a welfare check call, here at my apartment. He asked me, "You're not trying to hurt yourself are you?"
I chuckled a little, "Oh NO. I know how to hurt myself. In fact, I have 20 years experience in it. I'm trying to eliminate that from my repertoire."
"You need someone to come and talk with you?" he asked.
Maybe I should have accepted that offer, but I replied, "No. I'll be alright. Thanks though. And thanks for coming to check on me." Always be courteous to your local law enforcement officers. You'll gain their respect.
Thanks for Listening & Peace Be With You.
~Midas~
Originally Posted by NKJV, Proverbs 31:6,7
"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more."
It's easier than your mind tells you it is. Recently, I celebrated my third anniversary of uninterrupted sobriety. Not a single drop. Frankly, I didn't think I would survive the first two weeks. It was difficult at first, and then a miracle happened...I stopped worrying about never being able to enjoy my beer. I loved my beer & hated to give it up. The insanity lies in not being able to walk away from something that is killing you and everyone else around you.
There is Hope. There is Help. And it's possible. Never say Never, and don't give up on yourself. I had to surrender completely. There is no other option. Believe it or not, I'm preaching to myself with this post and I need to be ever mindful of the delicate balance of my sobriety. There's no permanent cure. It's a daily reprieve. My addiction is in remission. But if I turn my back on treatment, I'm history. That little bottle--and the demon it contains--is constantly seeking my demise. In the blink of an eye, I could suddenly find myself ''put out to pasture'' as my Grandma used to say and I'll be ''pushing up the daisies''.
And for the very first time in my life, I can say ''I think I like the person I'm becoming''.
One of my favorite sayings is, "The first two of anything can be difficult. The first two days...the first two weeks...the first two months...and not to mention the first two years!" You just have to hold on tightly.
A police officer recently answered a welfare check call, here at my apartment. He asked me, "You're not trying to hurt yourself are you?"
I chuckled a little, "Oh NO. I know how to hurt myself. In fact, I have 20 years experience in it. I'm trying to eliminate that from my repertoire."
"You need someone to come and talk with you?" he asked.
Maybe I should have accepted that offer, but I replied, "No. I'll be alright. Thanks though. And thanks for coming to check on me." Always be courteous to your local law enforcement officers. You'll gain their respect.
Thanks for Listening & Peace Be With You.
~Midas~
Last edited by Midas; 03-03-2007 at 09:07 PM.
Eddie Van Halen wannabe
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Gaines, Michigan
Posts: 51
"It was difficult at first, and then a miracle happened...I stopped worrying about never being able to enjoy my beer."
Sounds like me in a nutshell. I recently went through a three month "dry" period, but it was eating me up inside. The thought of NEVER doing it again ground me down bad.
Yes, I relapsed. But I don't think I quit the way you need to.
I applaud you on your acheivement! I hope and pray to someday have the same miracle happen to me. I will then - and only then - be able to be true to myself.
Sounds like me in a nutshell. I recently went through a three month "dry" period, but it was eating me up inside. The thought of NEVER doing it again ground me down bad.
Yes, I relapsed. But I don't think I quit the way you need to.
I applaud you on your acheivement! I hope and pray to someday have the same miracle happen to me. I will then - and only then - be able to be true to myself.
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Originally Posted by jjaaam
I applaud you on your acheivement! I hope and pray to someday have the same miracle happen to me. I will then - and only then - be able to be true to myself.
Slightly Twisted Zen: “You can make the sound of two cheeks farting. Now, what is the sound of one cheek?”
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Here
Posts: 5
Naive
Midas,
Maby you can help me understand something. I've been sober a couple of days now. But I wasn't at all concerned with what my friends would think. I didn't say anything to anyone about it. I just stopped drinking. My boyfriend dumped me the morning after a horrible drunken me the night before. I have no memory of the hateful things I said. I quit because I have managed to ruin my financial life and my person relationships to the point where I am really all I have left and I'm destroying my health at an alarming rate. I work as a bartender part-time and while off work in the bar having a cup of coffee my roommate came in and tried to buy me a shot. I honestly didn't want any alcohol. She knows how devestated I am by the break up and I thought really meant well. She insisted several times to the point of having the bartender pour it. I wasn't even tempted and refused the drink. Several other people offered me a drink but "no thank you" was enough.
When we got home my roommate verbally attacked me. She accused me of not drinking to "punish" myself for causing the break up and that I am not being "true" to myself. She was drunk and wouldn't let me explain how I felt or why I am choosing not to drink.
I realize that I am A) Premenstral B) Utterly devestated by my emotional loss C) Sober
We ended up in a shouting match where I kept saying I am not ready to discuss my break up yet and her telling me that I'm handling my emotions wrong. I haven't felt like I needed a drink until then. I just really want to understand why my not drinking is so upsetting to her. Any insite?
Maby you can help me understand something. I've been sober a couple of days now. But I wasn't at all concerned with what my friends would think. I didn't say anything to anyone about it. I just stopped drinking. My boyfriend dumped me the morning after a horrible drunken me the night before. I have no memory of the hateful things I said. I quit because I have managed to ruin my financial life and my person relationships to the point where I am really all I have left and I'm destroying my health at an alarming rate. I work as a bartender part-time and while off work in the bar having a cup of coffee my roommate came in and tried to buy me a shot. I honestly didn't want any alcohol. She knows how devestated I am by the break up and I thought really meant well. She insisted several times to the point of having the bartender pour it. I wasn't even tempted and refused the drink. Several other people offered me a drink but "no thank you" was enough.
When we got home my roommate verbally attacked me. She accused me of not drinking to "punish" myself for causing the break up and that I am not being "true" to myself. She was drunk and wouldn't let me explain how I felt or why I am choosing not to drink.
I realize that I am A) Premenstral B) Utterly devestated by my emotional loss C) Sober
We ended up in a shouting match where I kept saying I am not ready to discuss my break up yet and her telling me that I'm handling my emotions wrong. I haven't felt like I needed a drink until then. I just really want to understand why my not drinking is so upsetting to her. Any insite?
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She accused me of not drinking to "punish" myself for causing the break up and that I am not being "true" to myself.
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Oh. Welcome Aboard, by the way! We're glad you're here. Congrats on your sober time so far. Taking that very first step is hardest one. I fell flat on my face when I tried to take the first step--figuratively & literally.
As long as you have the desire to quit, you've come to the right place. You're doing this for yourself & nobody else. You're here to win your life back & don't let anyone take that away from you.
Hope this helps you figure things out. Keep Coming Back!
As long as you have the desire to quit, you've come to the right place. You're doing this for yourself & nobody else. You're here to win your life back & don't let anyone take that away from you.
Hope this helps you figure things out. Keep Coming Back!
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello Midas--Thanks for the wonderful post. I really appreciated it.
Hugger--First of all, if your roommate was drunk, she could hardly be rational, now could she? Also, there is a good chance she was so against you quitting because she is afraid of facing the truth about her own drinking habits. I find it a little bit disturbing that someone would say you were not being "true to yourself" because you were not drinking.
That said, I also hope you know that it is rare for someone to be able to quit for someone else. Meaning--if you are quitting for your boyfriend or your roommate or your family, it will be very difficult to be successful. However, if you truly want sobriety, and you want it for yourself, your chances are much better. Just my two cents worth.....
Finally, a great big welcome to SR. I am sorry to hear about your break-up. I know that is very hard. Hope you will hang out, post some more, and let us get to know you!!
Hugs--
Hugger--First of all, if your roommate was drunk, she could hardly be rational, now could she? Also, there is a good chance she was so against you quitting because she is afraid of facing the truth about her own drinking habits. I find it a little bit disturbing that someone would say you were not being "true to yourself" because you were not drinking.
That said, I also hope you know that it is rare for someone to be able to quit for someone else. Meaning--if you are quitting for your boyfriend or your roommate or your family, it will be very difficult to be successful. However, if you truly want sobriety, and you want it for yourself, your chances are much better. Just my two cents worth.....
Finally, a great big welcome to SR. I am sorry to hear about your break-up. I know that is very hard. Hope you will hang out, post some more, and let us get to know you!!
Hugs--
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Thank You, LuLu70! **{Hugs}}.
The very core of our addiction--our disease--can still be present and functioning even after we quit. That is the vile nature of it. Not even realizing it, we can often end up hurting the people we love the most. Besides hurting ourselves.
The very core of our addiction--our disease--can still be present and functioning even after we quit. That is the vile nature of it. Not even realizing it, we can often end up hurting the people we love the most. Besides hurting ourselves.
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The changes your body, mind, & soul goes through when you quit, are amazing. You may feel like you're going even MORE insane...it's just your senses coming back to their senses. You know all those hateful, hurtful, and false memories from your past you've shoved all the way into the back of your skeleton closet? Well, to be perfectly blunt, those are usually the first memories to come back--with a vengeance.
Healing can be painful. But that's why we're here. To Help Others & to Help Ourselves.
Healing can be painful. But that's why we're here. To Help Others & to Help Ourselves.
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Thanks Jen. Domo, BeamMeUpScotty. Yo koso! I consistently drank 6-8 12 ounce beers of Pete's Wicked Ale every night. Usually a case of 24-36 on the weekends.
Content Summary:
ALCOHOL BY VOLUME: 5.3%
CALORIES: 174
CARBOHYDRATES: 17.7 G
This is how I enjoy my beloved Dark Ale now;
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/beershot...teswicked.html
And it doesn't give me hangovers any more this way.
Content Summary:
ALCOHOL BY VOLUME: 5.3%
CALORIES: 174
CARBOHYDRATES: 17.7 G
This is how I enjoy my beloved Dark Ale now;
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/beershot...teswicked.html
And it doesn't give me hangovers any more this way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Davie, FL
Posts: 2
most of your stories hit right at the heart. i am new to this board. the first few weeks of being sober is a painful process. try not to beat yourself up about it. it DOES get better. A sober friend to talk to really does help...or at least, it did for me. i can only talk from experience. i am on day 5 after being sober for 3 months. I hope all of you are doing good.
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