ready

sdfdsf

I actually started searching on the web today to find a reference to see if I had problem or not. I am just amazed at myself now after reading all morning through these threads..... just when did I get hit with the stupid stick?

I actually was trying to find a calculator that would say its OK to drink a bottle of wine (or two) every night (for the last 10 years or so)... that everyone does it. I haven't lost my job, I don't abuse my kids, I don't destroy relationships, I don't drink during the day, I just pop open a bottle after the kids are in bed and watch the news while draining the bottle... .that's normal right? DUH! I am so STUPID! That is OBVIOUSLY a problem! Why didn't I see it.......

...guess I'll keep reading to see where I go from here......

hotwingeatter

You see that now and you admit it. Now you can fix it WELCOME TO SR. their are many good people here that will help you with any questions you may have. You weren't stupid the desease hid from you the thought that there was a problem so don't beat yourself up over it. Trust me I know it is hard not to but with time you will feel better. We have all been there and some of us are still there. good will to you

bikewench

oh...
that's where my stick went... ;o)

Yeah...
we can't look at what everyone else it doing and let that give us licence to hurt ourselves...

Each of us have to look at what we do and decide if it's adding to us or taking from us...

yes...
stay and learn.. and work to your greatest good...

blessings on your enlightenment.. ;o)

hotwingeatter

Is the stupid stick a branch of the idiot tree in the dumb fck forrest?

If so I ran through that forrest a could times; ran into every single branch. We all make mistakes it is whether or not you learn from them.

bikewench

lolol...

ready

Thank you, that made me smile (for the first time today)

I feel like I'm in shock, I dont know where to go from here... do I empty out all the bottles, do I run down to the book store and buy a book...... Do I just stop drinking and choose not to do it again.... am I just being stupid again?????

skinner

You "don't know where to go from here"? why not "go" empty the bottles??
I would say emptying all the bottles couldn't be a BAD thing. You don't want to drink, so why keep it around?

Are you being stupid? Nah......you're here right??

Welcome, keep reading, posting and whatEVER you need to do to not drink. You have found a great place here at SR.

skinner

Ummmmmmm..........yep, THAT is pretty funny!!! I think I've been in that forest too many times myself!!

raerob

Oh, is that the same one where you can't see the the forest for the trees!?! I think it's called The Forest of Denial.

So, Ready...are you willing and able? Yeah...toss the wine...no sense in keeping it around, if you really don't want to drink any more. Otherwise, those bottles just might start talking to you..."C'mon, just one more...you're not really that bad." I know, because it happened to me...now, that was stupid!

ready

... that's it isn't it.. the denial... interesting how our mind can provide a seemingly protected conduit for denial... what is that all about???? What is it that causes our natural 'survival instincts' to change into self destruction mode......

earlybird

I read this alot and just wanted to point something out,......

(I was one of these people too)

Alot of people who are finally questioning whether or not they have a problem often use things like "Well, I only drink at night" or "I havent lost my job".....or "I dont abuse my kids".....or "I havent lost any relationships" or "I dont have any physical side effects from it"

What these people fail to understand is that these are "YETS". These arent things that you have managed to luck out on. These things WILL happen. This is a progressive disease. No doubt about it. You drink THIS amount,...and before you know it,...you're drinking THAT amount. You dont even notice it really. Its just one day you wake up and you realize you dont have a job, you're husband, wife, boy or girlfriend has left you, your family and friends dont respect you, you're broke, and you're getting evicted. And you ask yourself....... "How did this happen????"

I just wanted to maybe educate you a little. Its normal to not clearly understand alcoholism in the beginning of recovery. We've all been there. AA works because this diseases only weakness is its very very common symptoms. So we all know where we all are coming from. Thats why AA has the "saftey in numbers" approach. But make no mistake, all the things you mentioned you havent lost yet,...or done yet,....almost all of them WILL happen if you dont stop. We are here to help you advert that. Good Luck and please let me know if I can ever be of help to you.

ready

Point well taken!

Thank you for the insight!!!

CarolD

And yes....we understand. And we can help.

Please read the Alcoholism forum.
"Quitting what to expect"
is a sticky full of info.

Some will apply to you and some will not.

I use AA as my recovery method. Works great!

Also... great info on the disease of alcoholism...

Under The Influence" and it's sequal "Beyond The Influence"
are carried by Amazon.

I quit drinking with AA and the facts in "Under".

Blessings to you and your family

lulu70

Hello Ready! Welcome to SR. Glad you found us. I am an alcoholic named Laura, and I too told myself for a long time that I couldn't be an alcoholic because I had nice place to live, a good job, a car, my daughter was clothed and fed..... Then I lost my job, I almost lost my house, I realized how much I had been short-changing my beautiful little girl, etc. With help of AA, SR, a residential treatment center, and some good therapy, I have now been clean and sober for over 22 months. It a an amazing, fantastic miracle.

Hang in there, keep posting, and above all, be honest with yourself.

We're here for ya!
Hugs--

ready

.. I'm going to my first party since I realized I had a problem. I'm a bit nervous. I haven't drank since the realization hit me 12/1/05, its only been a few days. I read through the "what to expect' thread and was terrified of what was in store for me. (knock on wood) so far I have not experience any with drawls symptoms... which I find curious since I have drank a bottle + of wine every night for as long back as I can remember.... maybe withdrawls are yet to come?????

I've ordered some books online, but have yet to receive them.... I'm still spinning from the actual reality that I have a problem. But I know its true.

If asked tonight (which I'm sure I will be) why I'm not drinking, my plan is to say I'm not feeling well, or that I have a sinus infection and am taking medication..... I totally realize that is LAME... but I just don't think at this point I can be 100% honest with everyone around me... every day I am getting closer... but today just having ME know -I- have a problem and need help is where I am.....

CarolD

Hi Ready...not everyone has a difficult physical withdrawal.
I did say not all of the 'Quitting" would apply to you.

Glad to see you are doing so well!

You need not tell others you have quit. ... especially at a party.
I hope you enjoyed yourself and stayed in focus.

Good to see you again...

ready

ONE WEEK :-) WHooooo HOOOOOOOO!!!! :-)

BeamMeUpScotty

Hi Ready,

Congrats on you're one week. I'm six days away from that anniversary.

I was thinking about what you've said about being hit by the stupid stick. Believe me I'm feeling so low about myself right now that I am not bragging, but I was able to get through grad school (MA) in 5 semesters at the top school in my field with full tuition waivers and a 4.0 gpa. Obviously, I'm not stupid, but rather an idiot to keep drinking for as long as I did. Throughout grad school I drank, but still managed to "succeed". I can't imagine how much more I would have gotten out of the experience if I had been sober.

I also bartended for many years, and I saw many, many very intelligent people losing themselves at the bottom of a bottle. When I worked in a college town in a rural area, I thought myself "superior" to the "rednecks" who would come in and get face-down drunk night after night. I used that false superiority as a rationalization to drink, but, of course, never to the point of the rednecks. When I worked in an upscale beer/single malt scotch specialty bar (2 times I sold a bottle of beer for $99) I used the fact that we were drinking "quality" beverages to rationalize my drinking (of course I had to "educate" myself on all the varieties of "quality beverages" available).

So what I'm saying, I guess, (I'm really just trying to sort out my thoughts at this stage) is that I don't see how intelligence, however that is measured, is tied in with alcoholism/alcohol abuse. Maybe it is, I don't know. Maybe some of the veterans have some ideas.

/Is there a penalty for overuse of quotation marks?

Chy

Welcome BeamMeUp!
I think you'll find the majority of us alcoholic types are highly intelligent people, been my experience anyway. We're so darn smart we're experts at rationalization, manipulation, justification and yeah, beating ourselves with the shame stick.

Ready! Way to go! Keep up the good work!

miss communicat

Hi Ready

You and I had the same realization on exactly the same day, 12/01/05. Its been 1 week for me, too. I related to your situation: not a low bottom, in fact, life is okay. The only thing is, I know live can be spectacular and more authentic than it has been. I too drank a bottle (+) of wine daily. When I tried to stop, I had no success using willpower alone. In fact, i found myself behaving dishonestly more and more, and that is the reason I went to AA. The meetings, the books, and this forum have been really great for shifting my perpective daily.

I congratulate you and support you every step of the way!

MC