I feel like I am losing it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: philadelphia,pa
Posts: 2
I feel like I am losing it
Hello I am new to this site. I am the daughter of a 60yo alcoholic mom who just got out of rehab and is currently in an outpatient facility. My issue is this, I feel like I have been lied to my entire life. I don't even know who I am anymore. Every reaction I have to anything in my life is wrong because what I was conditioned to was an alcoholic/prescription pill addict reaction. I am anxious and extremely frustrated to the point of feeling like I am banging my head against a cinder block wall. I am angry. I feel like I am suspended in a gel with my head just above the surface and I am sinking slowly into madness.
My anger has permeated into all areas of my life. I am in therapy and am going to see the psychiatrist Friday to see if I need meds. I don't want to be on meds but I don't want to be this crazy thinking person anymore.
I have since stopped drinking and smoking cigarettes because the thought of being like my mom sickens me.
I was wondering if this is a normal reaction to discovering that your mom has been an alcoholic/drug addict since you were 8 y.o.? And that she has conveniently forgotten the physical and mental abuse that my sister and I endured through all of her drinking and pill taking.
Thanks for your advice in advance.
My anger has permeated into all areas of my life. I am in therapy and am going to see the psychiatrist Friday to see if I need meds. I don't want to be on meds but I don't want to be this crazy thinking person anymore.
I have since stopped drinking and smoking cigarettes because the thought of being like my mom sickens me.
I was wondering if this is a normal reaction to discovering that your mom has been an alcoholic/drug addict since you were 8 y.o.? And that she has conveniently forgotten the physical and mental abuse that my sister and I endured through all of her drinking and pill taking.
Thanks for your advice in advance.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: tool texas
Posts: 5
who are we talking about?
yes it is normal, but who are we talking about? you or your mom? it sounds like you have thought this out a lot, so deep down you know that their is an answer. im sure your mom didnt want to be the way she is more than you dont like the way she is. The good news is that you dont have to be her. you can be a whole person, and that their is a lot of people that have been right where you are now. go to meetings in person! get a woman sponcer that can lead you. every one is diffrent . you may want to go and find another doctor to help you . what ever you do tell the truth about what meds you take and only take them the way they are sub.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello and welcome aboard :-)
That reaction is very common. Most of us here felt exactly the same way. What helped me the most in recovering from my insane family is what you just said. It's a _reaction_ to being raised in a "toxic" environment. I wasn't born crazy, I just _felt_ crazy.
Pick up your local phone book and call the Al-Anon office in your town. Go to a few meetings and just listen to what all the people there have to say. You'll find that most of them come from addicted parents and are in the process of recovering from all that insanity. Also go thru all the resources available in this forum, and especially the "sticky posts".
You don't have to feel crazy anymore, and you don't have to be overwhelmed by all those out-of-control emotions anymore. All you have to do is get involved with any one of the many recovery programs and join all us "Children of Alchoholics" in our journey to a life that is happy joyous and free.
Mike :-)
Originally Posted by blw7nj
... I was wondering if this is a normal reaction to ...
Pick up your local phone book and call the Al-Anon office in your town. Go to a few meetings and just listen to what all the people there have to say. You'll find that most of them come from addicted parents and are in the process of recovering from all that insanity. Also go thru all the resources available in this forum, and especially the "sticky posts".
You don't have to feel crazy anymore, and you don't have to be overwhelmed by all those out-of-control emotions anymore. All you have to do is get involved with any one of the many recovery programs and join all us "Children of Alchoholics" in our journey to a life that is happy joyous and free.
Mike :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: philadelphia,pa
Posts: 2
Hi there,
I can't thank you enough for responding. I feel so isolated in this situation. No one in my close circle of friends has ever been through something like this so they can't help me. I have been considering going to Narc Anon because she is just a plain old addict. Very compulsive. My sister, father, and gfather all tell me that she is committed to her recovery. I don't believe it considering how long she has been able to function as an alcoholic drug addict. My family also tells me that she looks better and the paxil that she has been taking for 5 yrs with all the other drugs and alcohol is actually working and that she is a pleasure to be around. (We don't live in the same city.) But I still don't believe it. I am not going to open up to her once again only to be let down.
I started going back to the gym yesterday and today. I am hoping that this will take the edge off until I can see this Dr. about meds. I just don't have the mental strength to try to stop the insanity on my own. I was taking Lexapro and when I decided to stop being in denial about my mom I stopped taking it because I wanted to be raw. I wanted to experience the changes I knew I would be going thru absolutely raw. I feel like I am losing it though.
I appreciate both of your posts and encouragement. I don't know how I ended up at this site but I am glad I did. Thank you and good luck to you.
Barbara W
I can't thank you enough for responding. I feel so isolated in this situation. No one in my close circle of friends has ever been through something like this so they can't help me. I have been considering going to Narc Anon because she is just a plain old addict. Very compulsive. My sister, father, and gfather all tell me that she is committed to her recovery. I don't believe it considering how long she has been able to function as an alcoholic drug addict. My family also tells me that she looks better and the paxil that she has been taking for 5 yrs with all the other drugs and alcohol is actually working and that she is a pleasure to be around. (We don't live in the same city.) But I still don't believe it. I am not going to open up to her once again only to be let down.
I started going back to the gym yesterday and today. I am hoping that this will take the edge off until I can see this Dr. about meds. I just don't have the mental strength to try to stop the insanity on my own. I was taking Lexapro and when I decided to stop being in denial about my mom I stopped taking it because I wanted to be raw. I wanted to experience the changes I knew I would be going thru absolutely raw. I feel like I am losing it though.
I appreciate both of your posts and encouragement. I don't know how I ended up at this site but I am glad I did. Thank you and good luck to you.
Barbara W
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Welcome to SR, Barbara. You are definitely not alone...
I'm also an adult child of alcoholic/addicted parents and my upbringing has colored my entire life. I felt alone, isolated, depressed, angry, confused and afraid most of my life, but I've grown and healed immensely with the help of Al-Anon.
When I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and heard people sharing what they'd gone through living with the disease of alcoholism and how they'd begun to heal from that damage, I finally felt as if I belonged... I felt safe to say what I needed to say, and I began to find answers that worked for me. I haven't stopped regularly attending meetings, and I haven't stopped healing. Al-Anon is my antidepressant...
Help is available. Hope is available. Healing is available. May you find yours soon.
I'm also an adult child of alcoholic/addicted parents and my upbringing has colored my entire life. I felt alone, isolated, depressed, angry, confused and afraid most of my life, but I've grown and healed immensely with the help of Al-Anon.
When I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting and heard people sharing what they'd gone through living with the disease of alcoholism and how they'd begun to heal from that damage, I finally felt as if I belonged... I felt safe to say what I needed to say, and I began to find answers that worked for me. I haven't stopped regularly attending meetings, and I haven't stopped healing. Al-Anon is my antidepressant...
Help is available. Hope is available. Healing is available. May you find yours soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Paxton, MA
Posts: 1
Sounds like you're going through a lot.
Dear Friend,
I'm sorry that you are going through all of that. I am struck by the powerful imagery you use. I hope that you find the support that you need. My heart goes out to you, as I think about your situation. God bless you.
Peace and All Good,
Pete
I'm sorry that you are going through all of that. I am struck by the powerful imagery you use. I hope that you find the support that you need. My heart goes out to you, as I think about your situation. God bless you.
Peace and All Good,
Pete
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