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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: colorado springs co
Posts: 1
new to the board
hi
I am 19 years old and an a child of an alcoholic dad. he drinks still his a binge drinker he goes weeks without drink then he starts and doesn't stop for weeks on end. drinking has cost my dad everything and he still doesn't stop. I know this is genetic so i find myself avoiding alcohol at all cost.what makes me mad i guess is his refusal to see what drinking has cost him and his refusal to even admit he has a problem. i guess that is enough pouring out for one message i guess its good to be around people who can relate.
Sarah
I am 19 years old and an a child of an alcoholic dad. he drinks still his a binge drinker he goes weeks without drink then he starts and doesn't stop for weeks on end. drinking has cost my dad everything and he still doesn't stop. I know this is genetic so i find myself avoiding alcohol at all cost.what makes me mad i guess is his refusal to see what drinking has cost him and his refusal to even admit he has a problem. i guess that is enough pouring out for one message i guess its good to be around people who can relate.
Sarah
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
My father in law was the same.
Galbladder attack and surgery put enough fright in him, he stopped drinking and ciggerettes completely.
It will take what it takes for his eyes to become opened.
We can't force it, can't control it, and can't cure it.
It needs be his choice.
You may want to look for ACOA or Al Anon meetings in your area.
You will find some great support and info at them.
You can also look at the posts that say sticky beside them on the boards here. I am sure you will find some good info in them as well.
Galbladder attack and surgery put enough fright in him, he stopped drinking and ciggerettes completely.
It will take what it takes for his eyes to become opened.
We can't force it, can't control it, and can't cure it.
It needs be his choice.
You may want to look for ACOA or Al Anon meetings in your area.
You will find some great support and info at them.
You can also look at the posts that say sticky beside them on the boards here. I am sure you will find some good info in them as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hi Sarah 
My mom was a binge drinker too.
It took years and years for her to see the havoc her drinking was wreaking on our family.
I agree with Best, Alanon and ACOA meetings are a great place to meet people who understand what you're going through.
My mom was a binge drinker too.
It took years and years for her to see the havoc her drinking was wreaking on our family.
I agree with Best, Alanon and ACOA meetings are a great place to meet people who understand what you're going through.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
Hi Sarah. I am 20 yearls old and my dad is also an alcoholic. Has been for many years. The people above gave god advice. Try to find an Al-Anon meeting. It has help me greatly in the relationship with my dad. My dad has not had a drink in 8 months and i am not sure what opened his eyes but they have to want to get beter first. If you ever want to talk PM or e-mail me tuslaw05******.com or AIM ashland09 and I would be glad to keep in touch with you.
Shana
Shana
Day by day....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NW GA
Posts: 357
Hi Sarah,
I'm fairly new to the board too. I'm a 37 year old woman who was raised by an alcoholic & addict father and a submissive/codependent mother. Yep - I've got major problems.
I just wanted to say that I have found alot of wisdom and support here as I start to deal with the effect these things had on my life and work on making me a better more centered person. I also wanted to welcome you and say that I am available to chat any time you feel you need someone to talk to. Just PM me and I'll respond as soon as I get a chance.
Best wishes.
Janet
I'm fairly new to the board too. I'm a 37 year old woman who was raised by an alcoholic & addict father and a submissive/codependent mother. Yep - I've got major problems.
I just wanted to say that I have found alot of wisdom and support here as I start to deal with the effect these things had on my life and work on making me a better more centered person. I also wanted to welcome you and say that I am available to chat any time you feel you need someone to talk to. Just PM me and I'll respond as soon as I get a chance.
Best wishes.
Janet
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4
I've been posting in the Nar-Anon section trying to get some support in dealing with an addict best friend - I've also recently started attending Nar-anon meetings. I'm starting to think this section is where I really belong. The more I read Beattie's book the more I realize just how codependent I am in general - it pervasive throughout my life not just with my friend.
I grew up in a home where both of my parents were raging alcoholics - an everyday thing. We moved a lot as well. My childhood was absolutely terrible, and it never dawned on me until this week just how much of an effect it has had on my life and my relationships with people in general. Being aware that you have a problem is half the battle. Since I've started reading this book though, I can feel a change starting to take place already. I know that I'll be able to have healthier relationships in the very near future.
I grew up in a home where both of my parents were raging alcoholics - an everyday thing. We moved a lot as well. My childhood was absolutely terrible, and it never dawned on me until this week just how much of an effect it has had on my life and my relationships with people in general. Being aware that you have a problem is half the battle. Since I've started reading this book though, I can feel a change starting to take place already. I know that I'll be able to have healthier relationships in the very near future.
Day by day....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NW GA
Posts: 357
Hi serenity. Gosh I can really relate to where you are coming from. I've spent my entire life trying to save someone else..all the while allowing my personal sanity to slide into the abyss. To hell with me..there are people that need rescuing!!! Right?
It took me so very long to realize that taking the focus off myself all the time was a bad thing. I looked at it like I was giving, helping, leading, guiding. My therapist has recently explained to me what I get out of being co-dependent - it allows me to avoid looking at me. You could have knocked me over when she said that. How could something that simple be such a revalation?
Suddenly - alot became clear. I am not only an adult child of an alcoholic severly dysfunctional family and a raging co-dependent - but I am also a recovering addict. I relapsed after having almost 11 years clean and recently found my way back to the NA fellowship. It took me a long time but I'm thankful I've been given another chance. I worked steps, had a sponsor, went to meetings, journaled, did service work - seemingly doing all the things I was supposed to do to stay clean and serene. What has recently become clear to me is that although I can almost automatically work steps when it comes to my using thoughts and drug addiction - I am not very good at applying the same steps and principles in other areas of my life. By avoiding that...and not working on me...I never found true recovery and freedom.
Maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone else..but it made perfect sense to me. So I have just started the long journey of working on me - really working on me..not just scratching the surface. I can't even describe how happy it makes me to have discovered this "missing link" in my life. It seems it should have been so obvious - but God doesn't put more on us than we can handle and maybe that means now that I've stumbled accross it in therapy - it's really time to do this.
Thanks for listening and I am here for anyone else who might want to chat or vent on this journey. We are all in this together!!
It took me so very long to realize that taking the focus off myself all the time was a bad thing. I looked at it like I was giving, helping, leading, guiding. My therapist has recently explained to me what I get out of being co-dependent - it allows me to avoid looking at me. You could have knocked me over when she said that. How could something that simple be such a revalation?
Suddenly - alot became clear. I am not only an adult child of an alcoholic severly dysfunctional family and a raging co-dependent - but I am also a recovering addict. I relapsed after having almost 11 years clean and recently found my way back to the NA fellowship. It took me a long time but I'm thankful I've been given another chance. I worked steps, had a sponsor, went to meetings, journaled, did service work - seemingly doing all the things I was supposed to do to stay clean and serene. What has recently become clear to me is that although I can almost automatically work steps when it comes to my using thoughts and drug addiction - I am not very good at applying the same steps and principles in other areas of my life. By avoiding that...and not working on me...I never found true recovery and freedom.
Maybe that doesn't make sense to anyone else..but it made perfect sense to me. So I have just started the long journey of working on me - really working on me..not just scratching the surface. I can't even describe how happy it makes me to have discovered this "missing link" in my life. It seems it should have been so obvious - but God doesn't put more on us than we can handle and maybe that means now that I've stumbled accross it in therapy - it's really time to do this.
Thanks for listening and I am here for anyone else who might want to chat or vent on this journey. We are all in this together!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 6
Sarah,
I was 19 when my father took his last drink and died. He was a wonderfully creative, and loving man, who threw it all, and I mean everything, away. I can so relate to what you are saying.
I'm now 50, and it took this long for my life to crash and for me to finally get into recovery. I managed to hold it all together for thirty-some years, but my extremely low self esteem, my emotional numbness, and my deep sense of shame from that early age have haunted me my entire life. To say nothing of thirty wasted years, the best years of my life.
Please don't wait as long as I did to get help. It's good that you're posting here, please find a twelve step group that can help. Don't wait.
Good luck,
Kirk
I was 19 when my father took his last drink and died. He was a wonderfully creative, and loving man, who threw it all, and I mean everything, away. I can so relate to what you are saying.
I'm now 50, and it took this long for my life to crash and for me to finally get into recovery. I managed to hold it all together for thirty-some years, but my extremely low self esteem, my emotional numbness, and my deep sense of shame from that early age have haunted me my entire life. To say nothing of thirty wasted years, the best years of my life.
Please don't wait as long as I did to get help. It's good that you're posting here, please find a twelve step group that can help. Don't wait.
Good luck,
Kirk
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