redmickey85

Hi,

I have a situation where my live-in boyfriend has been going to AA but says he isn't an alcoholic. He says he only drinks when he is depressed but thats alot.I need help I want him to stop drinking because I can't deal with him. I know you shouldn't threaten an acoholic without following threw but its been a cycle for us. And I keep telling him its over and then he makes me feel bad and i come back again. i just want him to stop is there anyway that i can help him? What should i do for him to stop. he says if he has kids he will have the power to stop but why can't he stop now if he can. please help me

robina

Hi Red.
Welcome. You have come to the right place.

You will find understanding and comfort here. We know what you are going through.

The reason why he can't stop is because he is in the grip of a terrible and powerful disease. Some alcoholics manage to stop, but only with a great deal of help and support from counsellors, rehab centers, and support groups like AA.

In the meantime, you need help for yourself. The disease causes terrible damage to the loved ones of the alcoholic. That is what you are feeling right now.

There is help and hope. Keep coming back.

Love, Robin

Soul Catcher

Not even kids can make someone stop.....oh lord please believe me on that one. You can not be his savior either. You can not control it, you did not cause it, and you can not cure it. He has to want to quit. Threatening doesn't do anything if it were that easy NONE of us would be here. Sounds like your in the very beginning of it. It only gets worse. He has to really really want to stop. Being a mother of three I know for a fact that no matter how much your alcholic loves your child it's not enough. The alcohol is too great. This is the first of many excuses...say you have a child, he doesn't quit...he'll say "it's alot of stress having a child" so then he drinks, then you threaten to leave so then he says "I'm depressed because you left and need to drink to calm my nerves" Then you come back and something will happen and he'll say "I just needed to relax" then it starts over and over and over and over.....I bet the people on here could give you thousands of excuses that someone will give to remain drinking. He needs to come to terms that he's weak when it comes to alcohol. If you want to help him go to Al anon meetings to understand him but other then that you can not do anything. Sorry. I have tried EVERYTHING. Good luck

redmickey85

Thanks guys for helping me out. I'm right at the beginning of this i think i should just leave because i know i won't be able to deal with this. But he has given me so many excuses and i can't deal with it. he always brings up the fact that he helped me out when i was raped and how i still have issues about that. he says that no other man would but up with me having PTSD because of the rape. he says its the same thing i was there for you so you should be there for me. but i've come to the point were i rather be alone because i feel alone. evertime he stands me up for alcohol i feel so alone.He has a lot of issues and i wanted to help him since its been about 4 yrs but i rather just move on. i feel bad for his mother because she gets so upset and i'm sure she doesn't know what to do because its her only son.

thanks again

robina

Red - please don't believe it for a minute. He is using emotional blackmail to keep you in a very bad situation. Don't let him put that guilt trip on you. You deserve a man who is healthy and emotionally available.

There is help and hope.

Robin

gelfling

Double ditto to what Robina said. Besides, there's is no comparison between what you went through and what he's going through.

Only he can help himself. And only you can help yourself. Please take care. Attend alanon meetings, get the free literature and brochures and begin a healthy program for yourself.

Blessings

cwohio

red - there are also a mental health and ptsd sections on this board. check those out. read all you can about alcoholism. the al-anon suggestion is a great one.

BlueMoon

Oh Honey!!! ***hugs***
No no no! Being attacked is not the same as having a disease that can be treated (if one is willing)!!
For him to use that as leverage is as far away from being *caring* as one can get. Please, oh please don't buy into that!
***more hugs***

As for 'no one else wanting you' - oh bull$hit!
For many, many years my AH (now ex) gave me that feeling because of my mental health issues. He never actually SAID it, but I was made to feel it. 18 months out of THAT relationship, I have a boyfriend! He just plain LIKES me, and accepts my *quirks* more readily than AH ever did. All the stuff that I truly believed only AH could give me - only better.

But try not to get too far ahead of yourself. All we have is today. I'm finally learning to just take care of ME and Just For Today. Worrying and wondering about tomorrow just overwhelms me - and scares the crap outta me!

I'm glad you've found your way here! Stick around, we understand and we care!

Blessings,
Blue

reader

Hi Welcome Red- If you think it is bad to be stood up- Wait till you have been up with a sick baby all night and day and he doesn't come home from work! Trust me it can get worse. You are vaulable, don't let him run this line of BS on you. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You are strong and worthy of real love and respect! With Love