sadface

On Wednesday morning I gave in and asked my husband what his plans were for Thanksgiving. He stated he was working. I knew that but what about the evening he said was working. So I told him I figured as much and decided to spend that day with my family (25 miles away). I went on to say,it is very clear to me that he makes plans without us and I do the mistake of including or worrying he will be alone. Because he says were are still married and united, and if that was the case he should say something to me about what his plans are. So at the last minute my husband asked if I would make dinnner and he would try to be here for about an hour. if possible. I told him no, that I was not going to change my plans. I followed through with my plans of spending Thanksgiving with my family. I stayed over there three days. I enjoyed it and relaxed. As I was driving back home, I though that maybe I should move back there,but my work and my son's school is here. My husband did not call me at my mom's (he used too). Three days of not talking are seeing him. Today, he came over as if nothing, gave me money and said he was in a hurry and had to work. He didn't hug me, ask about my family, how was our Thanksgiving, nothing.. We hardly spoke. When I asked him why he was in a hurry, he stated he working his butt off to give me money. I told him. first of all, I appreciate all that he gave me, but he doesn't give me all that much to always throw it on my face about how hard he works....to give me money. If it was a hardship on him that maybe he shouldn't give me any. He got upset and said we agreed it was his responsibility and obligation to help me. I know he stopped drinking again, but I don't feel I need to walk on eggs or give in to him. I don't want to fight with him but I tired of pretending everything is all right by being quiet and not expressing my feelings. I also told him if he doesn't want to come over or see me or talk to me, don't. I didn't call him. If he wants to drop off money, I will accept it because I need it. From now on I will refrain from asking him questions, but this is a two way street, if he doesn't want to be here for me I don't want to be here for him. With that he stormed out. I am starting to feel that he has his own life possibly with someone else, and that maybe I should do the same. I know tomorrow he will call and apologize but I am tired of it.

JT

I don't know about the "someone else" part but it sounds to me like he does have his own life. Think about how he is cutting conversations short and not calling. Take a hard look at his actions. Make a list if you need to. Not wanting it to be real doesn't make it so.

Gabe

Sad, it is a two-way street.
And he's acting very one-way.
I think you've got a pretty good grip on what's going on.
He sounds like there is a big part of his life that he's not including you in on.
And nothing makes a person feel more shut out than knowing that their significant other has a big part of their life that they are being left out of.
All that being said, the only thing I would suggest is that you stop being so available to him.
Nowhere does it say that you can't have your own life too.
So go on out there and do just that.
You might be surprised at how happy it makes you.

ASpouse

If he calls, don't take the call. Stop leaving the door open for him to step in and throw something else in your face. You keep this wheel turning, not him.

sadface

Thanks for your words. I guess deep down I knew this day was coming. I felt it in my heart.. I am closing the door to him. I feel stronger now. I have a goal and I am working on it. I want to be independent from him. Before I felt like I was abandoning him because he has no family here, whenever something upsets him at work, he will call me just to talk, but I guess he must have some other support now. I hope he does continue with his recovery, because he will be around for my son, who needs him. I will continue with my plans. I have a circle of friends and co-workers that give me support, and of course this forum. I actually can be more honest here than with anybody else. Thanks. As I said earlier, I feel stronger. A far cry from when the bottom broke from under my feet. Things happen for a reason. And I am willing now to give myself an opportunity to live a better life... the way it should be. And if I should post again about him asking for forgiveness....or what should I do.....not let me stray from my plans. Thanks.

cupowater

Is throwing things in your significant others face a comon thing in alcoholics??? Mine does it all the time! I too get tired of "walking on eggshells". Its sickening! I would like to see what he would do if I went to the bar 5 out of 7 nights and stayed 7 or 9 hours like he does, and wanders in at 1:30 in the morning!!!! I would be out on my ass!! Friday he tried to get me to go to the bar with him again and I said no. Thats when he came in at 1:30! He didn't get up the next day till 1pm! One way thinking!

ASpouse

It is he who should be making amends to you when he is in recovery, not the other way around.

minnie

Cup - your answer is in your post.