sadface

I am sitting here alone reading posts and wondering about my situation. Sometimes I think things are getting better and other times i do not. My husband and I have been separated for one year now. My husband is going to see the doctor tomorrow because of stomach and possible kidney problems. He quit meth 10 mos ago, and he has been trying to quit alcohol for about 5 mos. He relapsed a week ago, but now is seeing the doctor and going to start counseling again.He has kept his word about making an effort of helping me financially. Yesterday, he gave me money and said he wished he could give me more but things are slow at his work. Because i work full-time and take classes, he works full-time and does towing in the evening, we hardly see each other. The days he does come over her visiits for about an hour and has to leave, because he always has work to do. He will spend the night about one day a week. When he does, I watch him and I feel he has to keep himself busy...like he doesn't want to be in the room with me alone. Doesn't want to talk very much. He visits with my boys and granddaughters. Goes to bed and wakes up early and has to leave. I feel he doesn't want to be here. When I ask him, he states, if he didn't want to be here he wouldn't. He states he loves spending the time with my children. He says he loves me and is trying to get better. Don't get me wrong he doesn't argue or act mean. It just doesn't seem like someone who wants to spend time with their wife (alone time). When we are intimate he has no problems, and when he has a bad day he will call me to talk to me about it. I am his rock, but he is not mine. He still seems to be moody at work. I know his recovery is a slow process, but is it that or is it the codie me? He was unfaithful two years ago, and I don't feel I trust or believe him yet. When i take him lunch sometimes, he introduces me as his wife? Brings friends over my house sometimes. I guess what triggered me to feel bad today is a friend called and said he had tickets to Las Vegas free (airfare and motel) I could have them if I wanted. I asked my husband about this and he said that I should go, I need the time away. I guess I was expecting him to say, let's go together and spend quality time. But he didn't. When he was cheating on me, he used to send me away like that. Oh, Thanksgiving he is working.

robina

From what you described, it certainly sounds like he is being distant. That can make a person feel rejected and lonely....

Is is possible he is simply doing a lot of recovery work, which makes him temporarily emotionally unavailable (...I'm just guessing., because it sounds like he is really battling his addiction...)

I hope things turn around for you both.

Do you attend Al-anon meetings? I find the meetings a wonderful place for support and understanding...

love and blessings

Robin

Zoey

Recovery is extremely hard for some of us, we hang by a thread and are plagued with anxiety, nerves, fears and depression. It is a strange world out there to face without our fix that gives us courage and makes us feel normal. We are uptight around everyone. This just my opinion, and feelings. Everyone is different
Hopefully he will become your rock. Sounds good that sex is good. Sounds good he brings the money.

I assume you go to Al-Anon and have read all the books for your recovery???
Does he go to AA meetings??

I am not good at answering your question about being Co-dependent, I will leave that to the ones that have studied that. Take care

sadface

Thanks Robina, I am making an effort to detach from him, and I am okay most of the time. But there are times, he does or says things that trigger me back to how it used to be. Deep down I know he is going through a lot. When he first quit meth, I saw him get so sick he couldn't even talk. He turned to me when he was tempted and eventually got stronger.At that time, he started drinking heavy. He since has tried to quit but he says it is harder than he thought. He has been drinking for 26 years. Because he has wanted to quit on his own, and hasn't been successful. I asked him one day if he had cancer would he seek help. He now says it made sense to him so he is now seeking help. He was diagnosed with depression and suicidal. They are waiting for the results to give him medication for depression. He says he will do everything to get better.Sometimes i think it is his recovery because he seems self centered. That is why i wonder if it is me. He says when he is stronger things will get better. But that doesn't stop me from being lonely or wondering if he is up to his old tricks. I do want to attend Al-anon meeting but at this time I am trying to finiish a course so that I can work part-time along with my full-time job. I am trying to get independent from him in case he doesn't come through with his promises. If things work out, I will have additional income.

sadface

oh, i forgot to mention. One thing I did notice is that he has accepted he was sick and that is why he is the way he was. It was like he didn't understand himself and now he knows why. He came home and told us the things he felt and what the doctor said. Don't get me wrong I am happy he is seeking help and I hope one day he gets better. I guess I just have to wait and see.

CarolD

A Vegas trip is not wise for him IMO

All that free booze 24/7 is a huge temptation.

It was not your husband who offered the trip.

Why be suspicious? You are back after the cheating.
Your choice.

Hugs to the 2 of you...

DesertEyes

Hi sadface,

Sorry to hear about the difficulties you are going thru. It sounds to me like you are both making progress in the right direction.

If you should decide to visit Vegas there's great Al-Anon meetings just waiting for you. Here's a list

http://www.nevadaal-anon.org/meetinglist.html

There's also a convention over Thanksgiving that you are most welcome to attend

http://www.lasvegasroundup.com/

You and your family are in my prayers.

Mike :-)

sadface

Clancy, I do see a lot of what you described. I guess it is recovery. And yes, Carol, I have to admit not only did he drink, used drugs, unfaithful, he also loved to gamble. I guess it really wasn't going to Las Vegas. It is just doing something together. I will just have to keep myself busy....busier.

Zoey

sadface.. You might want to find and read "Under the Influence" by James R Milam and Katherine Ketcham This explains soo much. How we became alcoholic and others did not, also explains why recovery takes what it takes, etc.
The name sounds like another drunk-a-log, but it isn't.

I had to highlight and underline to keep physiological and psychological seperate, makes it hard to read it right. It is worth the time.
I have sites to buy, but you can prob just put in the name and get the site.
Your library might have it, if not they can barrow it for you.
I got it from the lib while I waited for my book to arrive.

Check it out when hubby gone, as he would not like the title. I make book covers for my books. This one the cover is Gold. smile.