Women Who Love Too Much
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Women Who Love Too Much
So I started reading again. Al-Anon, counseling, and reading my self-help books. (Can you tell I'm tired of being stuck here?)
Here are some things that jumped out at me in the book Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.... (I'm only quoting some exerpts)
The opposites of pain and rejections = Comfort and commitment (I could put that on my list)
In the absense of excitement they (Women Who Love too Much) feel antsy, irritable, and awkward..... This is sooo true for me.
A woman who loves too much is used to negative traits and behaviors, and she will be more comfortable with them than their "opposites" unless and until she works very hard to change that fact for herself.
Most of her sexual interactions with him are motivated by "How can I get him to love (or need) me more? At first I did this. Why? He never smiled. Never seemed happy. I thought I could make him happy.
Sex is one of the tools she uses for manipulating or changing her partner. See above.
It is difficult to articulate that we are enchanted by the dream of calling forth all the positive attributes--the love, caring, attention, integrity, and nobility--we are sure are dormant in our lover, waiting to blossom in the warmth of our love. Women who love too much often tell themselves that the man with whom they are involved has never really been loved before, not by his parents nor by his previous wifes or girlfriends. We see him as damaged, and readily take on the task of making up for all that was missing in his life long before we ever met him......We want to be the one t break the spell, to free this man from what we see as his imprisonment. We take his emotional unavailability, his anger or depression or cruelty or indifference or violence or dishonesty or addiction, for signs that he has not been loved enough.....We are determined to save him through our love. OMG....this last sentence is SOOOO me. As for the rest of this paragraph, I said this same exact thing ALL the time. Although I didn't think of G as damaged, I wanted to give him everything he never had growing up. I wanted to make him feel loved because he didn't have that growing up. This was my justification to my family and friends for years.
Sex is one of the primary ways we try to love him toward health. YES!!!! Until he repeatedly took advantage of me. Sex, to me, became nothing more to me than my duty as his wife. I would have sex with him to make him happy.
Thank you for letting me share
Here are some things that jumped out at me in the book Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.... (I'm only quoting some exerpts)
The opposites of pain and rejections = Comfort and commitment (I could put that on my list)
In the absense of excitement they (Women Who Love too Much) feel antsy, irritable, and awkward..... This is sooo true for me.
A woman who loves too much is used to negative traits and behaviors, and she will be more comfortable with them than their "opposites" unless and until she works very hard to change that fact for herself.
Most of her sexual interactions with him are motivated by "How can I get him to love (or need) me more? At first I did this. Why? He never smiled. Never seemed happy. I thought I could make him happy.
Sex is one of the tools she uses for manipulating or changing her partner. See above.
It is difficult to articulate that we are enchanted by the dream of calling forth all the positive attributes--the love, caring, attention, integrity, and nobility--we are sure are dormant in our lover, waiting to blossom in the warmth of our love. Women who love too much often tell themselves that the man with whom they are involved has never really been loved before, not by his parents nor by his previous wifes or girlfriends. We see him as damaged, and readily take on the task of making up for all that was missing in his life long before we ever met him......We want to be the one t break the spell, to free this man from what we see as his imprisonment. We take his emotional unavailability, his anger or depression or cruelty or indifference or violence or dishonesty or addiction, for signs that he has not been loved enough.....We are determined to save him through our love. OMG....this last sentence is SOOOO me. As for the rest of this paragraph, I said this same exact thing ALL the time. Although I didn't think of G as damaged, I wanted to give him everything he never had growing up. I wanted to make him feel loved because he didn't have that growing up. This was my justification to my family and friends for years.
Sex is one of the primary ways we try to love him toward health. YES!!!! Until he repeatedly took advantage of me. Sex, to me, became nothing more to me than my duty as his wife. I would have sex with him to make him happy.
Thank you for letting me share
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Buffalo,WV
Posts: 47
Thank you for the post. I am trying hard to break some of those habits right now. I don't want this kind of relationship again, been there done that too many times. I had not read it in so many words...so thank you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
