hopealwayz

I just confessed to my grandma on the phone that I am an addict and an alcoholic. It just all came out and I started crying saying, "I just want me back". I told her that I had been clean for 32 days and that I was working hard at it. I am so scared that she is disappointed in me. I know that had to hurt her and I don't know how I ended up with an addiction. That hurt to me to tell her that so I can only imagine how she must feel.

She told me that she loved me and she didn't sound angry. Here I am though, crying my eyes out because I had to tell her that. I feel so bad about it.

How did her granddaughter go from being the good girl to being an alcoholic/addict?

I'm hurting right now......... really hurting.

nogard

Hey Cheryl,

All the same rules apply, dont pick up, do it one day @ a time and hang in there, talk to people and post here.

Sounds like your Grandma took it well, don't get into the What ifs and how did ....

Your in recovery and doing well, focus on that alone.

Love Kevin

jbm125

Hopealwayz, have hope. Grandma's have a special kind of love. You've been clean for 32 days. That's something to be proud of. It's up to you to continue. If you're not in a program you should get in one. AA, NA, church, whatever works for you. Recovery is visible. If your Grandma has seen you in your addiction once you're showing her your new sobriety, showing her you're working at it by going to meetings, doing the next right thing, changing people, places and things, your behavior is changing, she'll see you're trying, that you're becoming the person she always knew and loved. I'm sure she'll be supportive. She wants the old you back and I'm sure she'll help. As you get well you can start to earn her love and trust back. My prayers are with you both.
God bless.

hopealwayz

I think this may be better off in the long run. Maybe with her knowing, I will have another means of support. It is hard for her to know this now, but maybe this is for the best. Now maybe she can understand why I struggle at times.

I have to put this into perspective.

Greenbug

Hopealwayz,

Do you work with anyone in the program on a more personaly level, or just SR?

Do work a program of recovery, and try and work with a sponsor. I cant tell you how many times I see newcomers, come into recovery and just try and do too much to soon. I know you want to make some headway in your recovery. The steps will deal with this directly. Sometimes letting someone know whatever might be for YOUR best interest and not there's, Work with someone, this is not that hard with the right help.
One day at a time, one step at a time.

Anyways, I hope all is well.
Peace

~GB

Phinneas

Go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps. Trying to navigate early recovery on my own just kept bringing me back to the drink and drugs.

You've hit surrender, Cheryl. That's the absolute best place to be. Now the real work begins. (and I don't mean that in a bad way at all, with the work come true freedom and happiness. the only way past is through.)

Congrats on your sober days and on not picking up tonight.

Hugs.

phinny

BigD

((((Hope)))),
I believe that I am not a bad person, just a good person who did some bad things during my active addiction. I didn't mean to hurt anyone purposefully, except maybe myself for some reason. My family is there to support me in any way they can as long as I am not using because, knowing that I am not a bad person when clean, they Love Me. Sometimes when we don't love ourselves so much, we forget that we are still loved by others.

Love, Don

CarolD

I know part of healing in recovery is facing who we are as addicts
and then a change can happen.

You and your granny will both move forward with love...

roadie58

Confession is always good for the soul and I like what a previous writer said about Grandma's having a special kind of love. They are VERY forgiving, might not understand modern times, but are all about stopping the hurt and getting on with life. Maybe it's good to have someone out of treatment programs to ground you and help with normal life, whatever that may be.

Just keep coming back...