Looking for Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 16
Looking for Advice
Hi everyone.. I am really new to this posting thing, and really nervous.. It is really hard to admit that you have a problem... but I do.. Don't know why I do what I do, don't like that I do it, but I keep doing it.. kinda crazy.. gonna try yo be real honest cause I have to... last night was not good.. got wasted.. hated it.. no real reason.. just was upset.. so started to drink, did not stop.. drove myself (crazy I know) 45 miles to the beach.. drank some more.. then drove home.. God does Love me, cause by His hand alone I did not have an accident... I know that I should go to AA..but I can't bring myself to do that .. I own a company, and hold a state license.. this could make me lose both.. I am a single mother of three 16,15, and 14.. alchool is my escape..weird.. I know that it does not take the problems away.. but when I am drinking it sure seems like it.. this runs in my family.. so I speak to none of them.. I think I thought that if I stayed away from them that it would not be me with the drinking problem.. I started drinking when I was 11, about to be 34.. have tried a few other times to quit.. and failed.. needless to say it has cost me the man of mt dreams, and the one TRUE LOVE of my life.. Kinda strange sitting here writng this to no one.. I am kinda a closet drinker.. I will not let my children see me drink, or drunk.. don't want them to think it's ok.. so i buy alchool, and hide it all over my house.. drink alone always.. because I am afraid of what others will think.. I'm scared.. I am 5' 5" and about 120lbs, but I can drink 30- 35 beers with no problem..I guess that is the problem.. Sorry I am rambling.. any advice would be greatly appreciated : 
Thanks,
Tania
Thanks,
Tania
Still learning; ever grateful
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 842
You are not alone
Hi. I'm new, as well, and finally coming to grips w/ my alcoholism. I'm a closet drinker, too, but you know what? When I finally came clean about it, my family said they already knew!! Not that they found anything I hid, but they just knew something wasn't right.
This is a good place to start. Do you drink that much every day? I'm SO not judging - just asking. I drink almost 3 bottles of white wine a night, and it's very lonely. I finally came here and found strength. Haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but just reading other people's plights gave me hope that I, too, can lead a sober life - SO CAN YOU!! I've read that some ppl. can do it w/o AA, but most do AA. Don't worry about losing your licenses - why do you think the people around you are there? For the same thing! Just make sure you go to a "closed" meeting, so only people trying to quit drinking will be there. An open meeting is everyone - alkies, friends/family of alkies, etc. So go to a closed meeting in your area.
Keep coming back here, and if you don't get replies right away, don't get discouraged - the traffic varies b/c of all the diff't time zones. Read some other posts - you'll see, we can do this together. Send me a Private Message if you wanna talk in private, k? Just don't give up!!
Hugs, my friend,
This is a good place to start. Do you drink that much every day? I'm SO not judging - just asking. I drink almost 3 bottles of white wine a night, and it's very lonely. I finally came here and found strength. Haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but just reading other people's plights gave me hope that I, too, can lead a sober life - SO CAN YOU!! I've read that some ppl. can do it w/o AA, but most do AA. Don't worry about losing your licenses - why do you think the people around you are there? For the same thing! Just make sure you go to a "closed" meeting, so only people trying to quit drinking will be there. An open meeting is everyone - alkies, friends/family of alkies, etc. So go to a closed meeting in your area.
Keep coming back here, and if you don't get replies right away, don't get discouraged - the traffic varies b/c of all the diff't time zones. Read some other posts - you'll see, we can do this together. Send me a Private Message if you wanna talk in private, k? Just don't give up!!
Hugs, my friend,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 16
Thnak you.. need to know I am not alone .. been reading other posts all afternoon.. really gives me hope, weird, don't want others to feel the way I do.. but still somehow GREAT to know I am not alone..
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Well, welcome Ms! You have found a great place for hope and support. Keep in mind that AA is an anonymous organization,you should be completely safe attending, though I can understand your fears. I also haveto say that if you are drinking that much, people already know.Your state stuff ect...wont mean anything if this disease kills you, or you kill someone else driving drunk.I am not trying to scare you, it is just a reality. I'm glad your here.You are not alone.
Bless, Trish
Bless, Trish
Gobble, Gobble
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: california
Posts: 236
Hi and welcome to SR Ms. I second Miraclen. This is a wonderful place for support. I wouldn't have come this far without this place and these people that is for certain. You can do it and you're not alone. Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Originally Posted by Msftrtk
... last night was not good.. got wasted.. hated it.. no real reason.. just was upset.. so started to drink, did not stop.. drove myself (crazy I know) 45 miles to the beach.. drank some more.. then drove home.. God does Love me, cause by His hand alone I did not have an accident...
Thanks,
Tania
Thanks,
Tania
Hello Tania,
Welcome to SR. I also thought I was hiding my bottles and drunkeness from those I loved.. but they all knew.
I hope you can find the help you need this time to change your life and feel good about yourself again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: canada
Posts: 170
Hi! Welcome to SR, what a great place to touch base with others of like mind and situations.
Alcoholism is a terrible soul sucking disease, and it will only get worse. Try to find some help in your area, AA or a counsellor that specializes in addictions. It's also good to consult your doctor as detox from alcohol is very dangerous and depending on your intake, you may need medical help to detox safely.
Good luck to you.
Alcoholism is a terrible soul sucking disease, and it will only get worse. Try to find some help in your area, AA or a counsellor that specializes in addictions. It's also good to consult your doctor as detox from alcohol is very dangerous and depending on your intake, you may need medical help to detox safely.
Good luck to you.
Red Hot Chili Pepper
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Jefferson --a State of Mind
Posts: 153
Tania, welcome to SR.
One of the first things I want to say is that at the beginning of every meeting, the chairperson says "What you see hear, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here." And all are in agreement. I have a good friend at work who's in the program and we don't even talk about things at the meetings unless it's something we're all involved in any way. It’s not a gossip club. You can go and just listen. You probaby shouldn't tell everyone the whole sordid story anyway until you've just listened for a while. I've been told to not even talk for the first 90 days (not sure about that one --it was no problem for me, I rarely talk at meetings anyway.) For all they know, you're collecting research for your thesis.
I know a lot of people at my meetings from professional circles, and my first thought is "Holy cow, I can't believe he/she's an alchy!" And I don't mean that in a bad way. I feel much better knowing I'm not the only one. And almost all of them have a great deal of sobriety. Some haven't drank in thirty or more years, and they're the inspiration for the rest of us. And the newcomer is the inspiration for them.
I don't want to be an AA evangelist, but it's the program I've chosen and personally, if I end up not liking it, I can get a refund and go back to the way it was before.
We're all in this together.
Kelly
One of the first things I want to say is that at the beginning of every meeting, the chairperson says "What you see hear, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here." And all are in agreement. I have a good friend at work who's in the program and we don't even talk about things at the meetings unless it's something we're all involved in any way. It’s not a gossip club. You can go and just listen. You probaby shouldn't tell everyone the whole sordid story anyway until you've just listened for a while. I've been told to not even talk for the first 90 days (not sure about that one --it was no problem for me, I rarely talk at meetings anyway.) For all they know, you're collecting research for your thesis.
I know a lot of people at my meetings from professional circles, and my first thought is "Holy cow, I can't believe he/she's an alchy!" And I don't mean that in a bad way. I feel much better knowing I'm not the only one. And almost all of them have a great deal of sobriety. Some haven't drank in thirty or more years, and they're the inspiration for the rest of us. And the newcomer is the inspiration for them.
I don't want to be an AA evangelist, but it's the program I've chosen and personally, if I end up not liking it, I can get a refund and go back to the way it was before.
We're all in this together.
Kelly
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome To SR!
Please check out the forum Alcoholism.
The top post there....
"Quitting what to expect" is full of info for you.
My first AA group was in Washington D.C.
I was there for 8 years.
We had several members of the Presidential staff.
We had members of the U.S. Congress..
we had Catholic priests and nuns.
We had professors and authors,
We had doctors... lawyers... the homeless and me...a waitress,
We had members from the Washington Post newspaper.
Not once did a leak occur over any members anonymity.
Had you been picked up driving drunk....would it have not been in the paper? The state notified? Your cover blown?
Know how you smell after a drunk? The stale booze oozes from your pores.
I used to shower 3 times before work and still I had people wrinkle their noses!
Glad you are seeking a sober life....it is simply super!!
Hugs to you and the children...
The top post there....
"Quitting what to expect" is full of info for you.
My first AA group was in Washington D.C.
I was there for 8 years.
We had several members of the Presidential staff.
We had members of the U.S. Congress..
we had Catholic priests and nuns.
We had professors and authors,
We had doctors... lawyers... the homeless and me...a waitress,
We had members from the Washington Post newspaper.
Not once did a leak occur over any members anonymity.
Had you been picked up driving drunk....would it have not been in the paper? The state notified? Your cover blown?
Know how you smell after a drunk? The stale booze oozes from your pores.
I used to shower 3 times before work and still I had people wrinkle their noses!
Glad you are seeking a sober life....it is simply super!!
Hugs to you and the children...
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Originally Posted by CarolD
Please check out the forum Alcoholism.
The top post there....
"Quitting what to expect" is full of info for you.
My first AA group was in Washington D.C.
I was there for 8 years.
We had several members of the Presidential staff.
We had members of the U.S. Congress..
we had Catholic priests and nuns.
We had professors and authors,
We had doctors... lawyers... the homeless and me...a waitress,
We had members from the Washington Post newspaper.
Not once did a leak occur over any members anonymity.
Had you been picked up driving drunk....would it have not been in the paper? The state notified? Your cover blown?
Know how you smell after a drunk? The stale booze oozes from your pores.
I used to shower 3 times before work and still I had people wrinkle their noses!
Glad you are seeking a sober life....it is simply super!!
Hugs to you and the children...
The top post there....
"Quitting what to expect" is full of info for you.
My first AA group was in Washington D.C.
I was there for 8 years.
We had several members of the Presidential staff.
We had members of the U.S. Congress..
we had Catholic priests and nuns.
We had professors and authors,
We had doctors... lawyers... the homeless and me...a waitress,
We had members from the Washington Post newspaper.
Not once did a leak occur over any members anonymity.
Had you been picked up driving drunk....would it have not been in the paper? The state notified? Your cover blown?
Know how you smell after a drunk? The stale booze oozes from your pores.
I used to shower 3 times before work and still I had people wrinkle their noses!
Glad you are seeking a sober life....it is simply super!!
Hugs to you and the children...
you always say thing just so great. Im your biggest fan!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
HI Tania,
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of information and support here.
I guess I used to think I was hiding my drinking but it just wasnt true, first it smells, and second, well, even if you can hold your mud like most of us, well, altered is altered, you just dont act the same or think straight.
Hope you stay here and start working out a way to stop being scared and get a better life, you deserve it!
Take Care
Welcome to SR, you will find lots of information and support here.
I guess I used to think I was hiding my drinking but it just wasnt true, first it smells, and second, well, even if you can hold your mud like most of us, well, altered is altered, you just dont act the same or think straight.
Hope you stay here and start working out a way to stop being scared and get a better life, you deserve it!
Take Care
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome!
When I finally admitted that I needed help and that I was an alcoholic - it was a tremendous relief to me!! I had known for a long time, but never wanted to do anything about it - I was waiting for something to happen to make me stop - I hope that you can find the willingness to try and get some help now. God forbid you hurt somebody or yourself driving around drunk. AA helped me a lot - it is scary walking in, but unbelievable once you're there. They understand!!
Stick around!
JMHS
When I finally admitted that I needed help and that I was an alcoholic - it was a tremendous relief to me!! I had known for a long time, but never wanted to do anything about it - I was waiting for something to happen to make me stop - I hope that you can find the willingness to try and get some help now. God forbid you hurt somebody or yourself driving around drunk. AA helped me a lot - it is scary walking in, but unbelievable once you're there. They understand!!
Stick around!
JMHS
I'm a Pickle
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
HI Tania - glad I found your post, and thank you for commenting in mine. Yes, the drinking, driving, everything else is so dangerous for your health and everyone else's. I know you know that, but I have done it so many times (way in the past - not since I got a drunk driving)! I am thankful to God that I got busted before I killed someone, because there are definitely a lot of times I don't even remember driving home. It is so sad. And your kids - it is good that you "hide" it from them - me, not so well - but I bet they know. They aren't stupid. And over 30 beers? Yeah - I really do bet people can smell it. Im not trying to cut on you AT all, but after a night of drinking, even a whole day later, my 11 and 12 year old boys say that I still smell "like beer." How embarrassing and terrible for me. I am so glad you decided to quit. It doesn't do us ANY good, does it? I have never woke up the next day and thought "Wow, last night was FUN! I am SO glad I did it!" Never, ever, ever....... Please keep in touch!
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Hi Tania
Welcome, I can really relate to your pain, keep writing and reading...if you are worried about anonymity (you don't need to be) why don't you drive out of town to start with ... I can promise you AA works and your life is literally at risk...I have driven drunk MANY times too so I'm not judging, but you are putting yourself never mind others in danger. God, when I think of waking up from a blackout and realising I've killed someone....but you know fear isn't enough to keep us away from alcohol. AA does work, give it a try.
I am SO glad that you are here...and yes, people have and do notice.
We are all in the same boat, this is a great place for support - CAROLD, so well said!!!
Love
Cathy31
x
Welcome, I can really relate to your pain, keep writing and reading...if you are worried about anonymity (you don't need to be) why don't you drive out of town to start with ... I can promise you AA works and your life is literally at risk...I have driven drunk MANY times too so I'm not judging, but you are putting yourself never mind others in danger. God, when I think of waking up from a blackout and realising I've killed someone....but you know fear isn't enough to keep us away from alcohol. AA does work, give it a try.
I am SO glad that you are here...and yes, people have and do notice.
We are all in the same boat, this is a great place for support - CAROLD, so well said!!!
Love
Cathy31
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 16
Wow.. I am grateful that I found this site.. wish it would have been a few years ago.. but gald that I have you all now..
Alisa.. you are the best.. thanks for your words.. stay in touch ...
CathyD.. you are a gifr from GOD.. for a week before I joined I read threads.. girl you are everywhere.. and always speak the truth.. thanks sometimes I think we need that the most.
Couple of things that I have learned.. already
#1 Boy did I WASTE alot of money.... I figure it out.. 12 a day (and thats being nice to myself) is over 5 thousand a year.. I could have some real nice jewls
#2 I have caused a lot of un-needed pain in the peoples lifes that I love the most.. gonna try to make that right.. can't take it away but want to do better
#3 I simply have to love myself enough to Fight ever minute of every hour of every day to get and then to stay Sober..pretty scary..
#4 I can't sleep.. and I can't stop crying... I am ashamed of myself.. and feel llike a fool
Hope this is all normal..
Thanks again,
Tania
Alisa.. you are the best.. thanks for your words.. stay in touch ...
CathyD.. you are a gifr from GOD.. for a week before I joined I read threads.. girl you are everywhere.. and always speak the truth.. thanks sometimes I think we need that the most.
Couple of things that I have learned.. already
#1 Boy did I WASTE alot of money.... I figure it out.. 12 a day (and thats being nice to myself) is over 5 thousand a year.. I could have some real nice jewls
#2 I have caused a lot of un-needed pain in the peoples lifes that I love the most.. gonna try to make that right.. can't take it away but want to do better
#3 I simply have to love myself enough to Fight ever minute of every hour of every day to get and then to stay Sober..pretty scary..
#4 I can't sleep.. and I can't stop crying... I am ashamed of myself.. and feel llike a fool
Hope this is all normal..
Thanks again,
Tania
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: phila pa
Posts: 22
this is a nice site but if you really want relief call your local AA club from the phone book or internet directory or maybe some one can post the number to a clubhouse near you. call and ask if some one will take you to a meeting.
If you don't like it you can always drink again.
I have 15 years of continuous unmedicated sobriety.
I went from the bottom to the top in all aspects of life
family, spiritual, professional, financial, social,
It's a g-dsend for sure. don't sleep on this miracle
BTW most AA's know what you are feeling first hand why? because we been there too.
If you don't like it you can always drink again.
I have 15 years of continuous unmedicated sobriety.
I went from the bottom to the top in all aspects of life
family, spiritual, professional, financial, social,
It's a g-dsend for sure. don't sleep on this miracle
BTW most AA's know what you are feeling first hand why? because we been there too.
I'm a Pickle
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
Yes - isnt cathy31 the best! Tania, I think the crying and being ashamed is the breakthrough part. It gets better. I spent my first 2 days after my last drunk very very depressed and crying and ashamed. Not that the alcohol is 100% out of my system, I feel SO much better. I know, it has only been like 4 days for me, but it makes one heck of a difference. I am excited for the rest of my life, you can be too! Like I always say "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
E
E
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: somewhere
Posts: 51
Hello and welcome, Msftrtk. I am also new here. Wish I'd found this forum years ago. It's somehow comforting to know that other people have experienced the exact feelings/situations that I have, although I ABSOLUTELY do not wish that pain on anyone.
I'm only starting day 8 today, but I'm feeling better all the time. The first few days were really tough on me; couldn't sleep, shaking so bad that I could hardly feed myself, etc... But waking up without a hangover is totally worth it. Hang in there. It really does get better.
I'm only starting day 8 today, but I'm feeling better all the time. The first few days were really tough on me; couldn't sleep, shaking so bad that I could hardly feed myself, etc... But waking up without a hangover is totally worth it. Hang in there. It really does get better.
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