free_2_bme

I'm not sure if my husband's finnally hit bottom or not, but one can only hope, pray and wait. Being sober for 2yrs. now I'm here to help and have given him the number to AA and let him know when some meetings are. I also gave him a book from AA that my father used and let him know that I'm here to talk when ever he wants. But he hasn't gone to a meeting and he hasn't looked at the book or come onto this website (which I also showed him). He hasn't drank for 4 days and I'm very proud of him, but I feel I'm just waiting for the ball to drop! I know the cycle he's done it befor. Major drunk deep regret vow to stop stay sober for afew days and then he has a bad day or what ever, he goes for a beer, with good intentions of just having 1 or 2! And maybe that day he does only have one or two so he thinks he can handle it and controle it so he does it again and again and then BAM! All Hell Brakes Lose! And here we go again, but as we know the BAM get's worse and worse, and I don't know how much more we can take of it. I just feel that I'm on pin's and needles until he comes home from work. I work nights and he needs to be home with my daughter and until I know he's home (sober) I can't relax! I can only emagen the stress my daughter has also. Anyways I just wanted to share this I guess it felt good to write it down and let it out, Thank's!

Cynay

Hey there...

I totally know how it feels to sit and spin about what is going to happen, it sucks.

I have to ask though, the 2 years sober ... is that you? Maybe you might want to check out Al-anon and work that program. There is nothing you can do about him... you know that, but you can change your thought process so that you can relax and enjoy life no matter what he does.

robina

There are recovering alcoholics in my Al-anon group who are living with an active alcoholic. They say that attending Al-anon helps them tremendously. Personally, I go to 2-3 meetings a week, especially if I'm going through a tough time. I find it very helpful.

It's so terribly painful to stand by and watch as the alcoholic self destructs, but as they tell us in Al-anon - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

Love and blessings

Robin

free_2_bme

Ya, that's me 2yrs. sober thank's Cynay. I was a binge drinker like him and I had to make a choce between bozze or my family and it was an easy one for me, just wish I'd done it sooner! See I just quit and never went to meetings (Yet!) I know the program and have done some reading and now I have this site so I guess I made it look easy, and I don't want him to think that what worked for me will nessasaryly work for him. I'm hoping he'll atleast try going to a meeting and see if it's for him ( I have gone in the past before I finally quit). Ya I've been told by many to go to Al-non and I think it's about time I start listening! Thank's again!

chattanooga

my wife and i were out a couple of weeks ago and one of her new drinking friends asked me why i looked so uptight..........i told her because i'm the one that has to pick up the pieces in the morning....

ASpouse

Only because you choose to Chattanooga. Only your wife is responsible for picking up her own pieces. You can choose not to participate in the insanity if you want to. You are preventing her from hitting her bottom, always rescuing, always saving her from herself. She needs to learn the consequences of her actions. Why do you go out drinking with her if you don't have a good time?

free_2_bme

I agree with what your saying but it's hard to egnore what happens when it affects others. For insents when your working and your child comes to your work place crying because there afraid of being alone with a drunk. So you have to leave work early and everyone there know's your bussiness and you have to appolojies to your boss for leaving because your husband's a drunk and you never know when he'll go off. That's just the short version of what happend. One thing I was thankful for after I quit drinking was the freedom of shame of what I might have done the night before but now I have shame from his actions. I want to be proud of my husband and I am when he's sober! I know about enableing and I probable do abit but I think taking the keys away or driving him home from the bar and making sure my child is safe is just comonsece.

chattanooga

i go out with my wife because otherwise she may not come home or it may be 1-2 am....IT ALWAYS ENDS UP IN A FIGHT......

Cynay

*hugs* Im soo sorry your hurting. CONGRADS on the 2 years.

But dont you see what your doing is not helping her at all. If you stop doing it, live life with no expectations regarding her ... remove the insanity of taking care of her ... then it will come to a point that she will find her bottom and then maybe get some help.

For me, I would make other arrangement for your daughter... function like your a single parent (think I said this in another post) and go about your life. Its not your shame to bear and its your choice if your going to bear it.

I really suggest the support group... start the focus back on you.

Pick-a-name

Why? Next time why not try letting her pick up her own pieces. You have enough to do for yourself and daughter; why make it easier for her to destroy herself? If she wants to do what she does; let her do it ALL! She's a big girl. JMHO

Try it; what you have been doing hasn't worked; this helps you and her. I know, easier to say than do; but it does get easier and it is really the kindest thing you can do for both of you. Good luck and stick around and let us know how it goes!