daddysgirl29

Hello. My story is probably like a lot of other's. I found this site about a week ago, and just now am having the nerve to FINALLY reach out for help. I've been a heavy drinker for about 3 years - almost 3 bottles of white wine a night. But, looking back, I've had a problem w/ alcohol my whole life. A friend made me wake up around last Christmas and told me (thank gawd) that, even though we had never partied, he could tell I had a problem.

This is what I'm tired of - shaking and blaming it on coffee (which I don't drink), explaining the bruises all over my body, feeling numb, driving to work hung over (which I've become accustomed to...), losing interest in just about everything, not being able to put 2 friggin words together when I used to be a 4.0 scholar athlete back in the day.

I lost my dad about a year ago, and I'm afraid that if I don't get sober, I'm going to miss out on the last years of my mom's life. She's my BEST friend and I "know that she knows", but she's afraid to say anything about my drinking. I love her SO much. I want to learn to love myself again. Thanks for reading; sorry it's so long, but this is a huge step for me, and reading your posts this last week has finally given me the strength to try and tackle this demon. Maybe I'm not alone after all(??)

penguinloves

Hello and welcome I just joined this week too, and have loved reading the board and getting support from so many great people. I hope it is as helpful to you as it is to me!

I'm sorry about your dad, that is tough I lost mine in 1998 and it still hurts. But, the pain does get better!

I am on day 3, and it has already gotten a little tough for me. I am not a daily drinker, but since deciding to quit because I KNOW I have a problem, drinking has been on my mind non stop. But I know I can do this! And you can too!

janeeyre

Oh, you aren't alone! There are so many great people here who want the best for you, and want to help you do this. Please stick around

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you found us. Reaching out is very hard, but you can find lots of support here. It sounds like you're ready to turn your life around and we're here to help.

toooldfratguy

Penguin - ALL I have thought about is drinking this week! I mean I guess I used to think about it all the time as well, but now this recovery thing is constantly on my mind...I guess thinking about NOT drinking is better than thinking about (& then acting upon) drinking!

Grimnar

You are not alone. Not by a long shot! *hugs*

I am in almostly exactly the same boat as you except that I lost my dad in '89. I still have my mom though but she is not in the best of health. I call her at least twice a week and tell her I love her (she lives 6 hours away).

Quitting is so very hard I know. Trust me, I know.

oh! I also live in N. VA and was born in '67.

My advice is to jump in with both feet on this board and just post. There are plenty of different forums to visit and each one offers something for you.

- Dave

Skol

I'm having some luck with an herbal detox treatment. There's numerous things you'll find at the health food store, like a "liver cleanse" etc.. Making the decision to quit is the biggest move, then by getting some exercise and maybe some proper herbs, you'll feel better mentally and physically, fast. I trust the herbs are doing something productive, and if nothing else there is mental well being knowing that you've turned over a new leaf and you're actively "cleaning up the mess". I only quit 4 days ago, got the herbal stuff on Monday, and it hasn't been very hard.. read my story:
1st post, and a Q re circulation/numbness

When you get the urge, you can also come here and just read nonstop until the urge passes.. great resource, this!

You may also check your blood pressure with one of the free/coin-op gizmos in the supermarket.. finding out mine was high put a quick end to my "just thinking happy thoughts" about my bulletproof health, while I sucked down a pint or two of poison almost every night.

Best.....

KelKel

So good to you are reaching out or better yet .
I could not get sober until I reached out a hand to other's who suffered the same affliction.
I think you are going to like it around here, make yourself at home.
Together one day at a time, we can conquer this addiction.

daddysgirl29

I shouldn't be surprised at the responses, since I felt the love and friendship from reading your other posts. Skol - I know your whole story, honey. Yours was one of the (hundreds) of posts I've been reading to gain strength.

I really worry about detox, honestly. I can't go into rehab b/c I can't miss time from work. My job is temporary until January, so maybe I'll go after that. (I kinda have to "prove" myself, so saying "I need to go to rehab" isn't an option.) I'd also like to try some meetings. A friend of mine said he'll take me.

Yeah, losing my dad was tough, but I had become so "numb", and he pushed me away for SO long, that it wasn't as hard as some would think. It's been hard on my mom, though, which rips me apart. Oh, and my dad battled alcohol his whole life. Drinking is exhausting. Going to diff't stores so no one will recognize me (yeah, right.) Buying ANYTHING else to avoid only buying wine. Sigh.... How did I get here?

I think my mom and my friends will be happy once I get sober. Actually, I know it. I read somewhere that once you get sober, no one is surprised that you were a drunk. Maybe I drink outta boredom(?) Read that somewhere, too. But like I said, the detox scares the hell outta me. My heart beats out of my chest all day as it is, and I went to bed last night (uh, passed out) around 8:30. Loser....

Thanks for all of the nice thoughts. For the guy that lives in No. Va. - any suggestions on some good meetings? Some me a PM if you'd like.

You all ROCK! I have a feeling that finding this site saved my life!!

toooldfratguy

Speaking of the heart beat...Today is the first day my chest hasn't felt "tight" in about 3 weeks...I was starting to get really concerned!!!

gormll

I want you to focus in on something.. you have something a lot of other alcoholics don't have... it's called WILLINGNESS! Willingness to reach out, willingness to listen and willingness to try to change and grow. That is one of the hardest parts of trying to get sober.

My suggestion: find a place where you can do just detox- do you at least get 2 days in a row off? that's really all it takes is 48 hours. Then after that meetings, meetings, meetings and then more meetings... I have been sober for 634 days... and I too was a huge wino! but today.. I love my sober life.. I promise you too can have that if you work for it. I promise!!!!

Good luck and may God bless you

Linda

grasshopperpie

Oh man, can I relate to that. I think I've bought alcohol from every single store in this city. I had them on rotation, so that the clerks wouldn't know how much I was actually drinking. Sometimes I was taking taxis several miles out of my neighbourhood for just this purpose--it got so bad I had stopped walking anywhere at all. And, yes! Buying different things along with your regular (for me, I started to buy vodka or wine along with my usual bourbon), in the hopes of distracting attention...lmao. Uggghhh....and the lame excuses! "Oh, I'm buying for my husband, too" (meanwhile, he was picking up his own stuff).... "I'm shopping for a gift, what do you recommend?", and my favourite...."I'm having a dinner party tonight" (gee, I had a lot of parties with no guests...lol).

I can very much relate, Daddysgirl. Most recently I was downing a 26 oz bottle of bourbon a day. I'm only on my seventh day of sobriety, but the people and posts here have been tremendously helpful. Also, I cannot recommend the Friday/Saturday chat meetings enough. Last weekend was my first in years without getting bombed, and these people truly helped me get through it. I was lucky enough to find this site as soon as I really, really decided to quit.

Welcome, and good luck to you. It's great to see other newbies around the site.

daddysgirl29

Thanks, everyone. Grasshopp - LMAO!! I TOTALLY tell the clerks at Total Beverage that the 4 boxes of wine I buy each week are b/c I throw a big party all weekend. Humf....big party for ONE, maybe. I agree - this site has been SOOO helpful. There was one young girl, though, named AngelHugs, who is no longer here. At least, I couldn't find her. I felt her plight, though I'm not also addicted to coke. I was really pulling for her, and she vanished. IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, COME BACK!! You are part of the reason I joined!!

I'm really proud of you for your sobriety. I'm proud of everyone who comes on here. I wish we all lived in the same town so we could hang out!! I'm going to start going to meetings eventually, but this site is a good start. I have to get my computer at home working so I can chat all night long and have something to do. (Plus, if my job knew I was on here all day...don't think they'd be too happy, but I'm addicted to here!)

Thank you everyone!! Please keep the posts coming.

Love and hugs to you all!!

requiredfield

First, welcome and thank you for sharing your story and asking for help. You're right, it WILL save your life.

Secondly, I'm glad you asked about meetings. I just wanted to share real quickly HOW you work an AA program; Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness. Seems to me, like you've got a great beginning.

As for that saying, it's "We're usually the last to know" (that we're drunks or addicts, that is).

Here's the website for No. Virginia AA...
http://www.aavirginia.org/hp/

It's awesome that you have a friend who is willing to take you. Is he already a member of the fellowship? If so, jump in his back pocket and ask him to introduce you to some women. Putting your hand out at a meeting, like you did here, will SAVE your life.

CarolD

About de toxing
check out the top post in Alcoholism.


The best thing about it is you only have to do it once.

daddysgirl29

And thanks for the link to meetings in my area. This site has really been a Godsend. I have so much hope now!

grasshopperpie

Daddysgirl, I just noticed there is an online chat meeting scheduled for tonight at 9:30 (EST). I am not yet a member of AA, but was made to feel more than welcome. And they helped me a great deal. I'm really going to try to attend tonight, and hope to see you there!

Irish Virus

It's strange you mentioned the word demon in your post because that is exactly what I was thinking about before I jumped on the computer.

I forgot what it was like to quit drinking and remembered tonight the first three days of stopping. It was like an exorcism battling the devil within. The shakes, the sweats, the tremors; satan himself was inside my body in the form of alcohol. After waking up on the fourth day on a miraculous three hours of sleep, I felt like a new man. I wasn't 100% by any means, but it was a beautiful feeling to be somewhat free from the grips of alcohol.

If you believe in God, ask him to come into your life and help battle these demons which exist inside you. All you need is a little bit of faith in the Lord and he will guide you through these tough times. I probably seem like a religious nut, but this is one method that is sure to work.

God Bless in your quest to rid yourself of the evils of alcohol.

Cathy31

Hey Daddys Girl!
LMAO - party for one! I knwo the feeling! It's great to have you here...I am very sorry about your dad, and I hope you will find the strength (for me AA was essential) to deal with this demonic (good word!) disease...it's so self destructive! I so relate to what you have been going through, those bruises, hangovers, etc etc it's a **** life that's for sure. Get the help you need, rehab in Jan sounds great, check out AA, keep posting.

It's great to have you here and you are SO NOT alone!!!!!

Welcome again!
Cathy31
x

daddysgirl29

Thanks again to all. I'm going to get my computer at home repaired so I can type all night (b/c I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to sleep) - and stay sober!