Bride of Lion, "Hello to all!"

Old 11-02-2005, 05:52 AM
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Bride of Lion, "Hello to all!"

Hello all,

I just got married on Halloween to the most amazing man I have ever met. He is an alcoholic/has alcoholism. He also has PTSD from 911, and has trouble with anxiety. He does well with me, but has blackouts at night when he is away and that is when he drinks. Due to difficult circumstances we are not able to live together yet. He lives with family, and it is very hard to be separate from him in part because I know he ends up drinking. When I am with him it doesn't seem to be an issue, in part because we have an incredibly calming effect on one another, and in part because I do not have any alcohol around.

I signed up here to look for friendly advice and conversation with others who know what we are living with.

My past experiences with alcoholism:
Was with another man with PTSD from military experiences, who was a "functional" alcoholic. He was verbally/emotionally/mentally abusive, and I was close to suicide because it was so horrible.

My brother, mother, and father drink too much, particularly my brother who drinks most of the time he is not at work, and occasionally at work. He does not display the qualities of a "drunk" so he does not feel it is a problem, and in fact jokes often about his drinking, as does his social circle who also drinks quite a bit.

A few people on my fathers side of the family who I didn't know very well died from alcoholism, including my fathers biological father.

So that was quite the lengthy intro! I hope to share more positive things about myself in the future, but I've gotta be off to my class!

Sincerely,

brideoflion
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Old 11-02-2005, 06:55 AM
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welcome bride - read all you can on this site - the stickys, etc. even tho i grew up in an alcoholic home and thought i knew about alcoholism, i really had no clue really. my husband was an alcoholic, i suspect also suffered from PSTD due to military experiences (never formally diagnosed) and progressed fom a functional alcoholic to worse and recently passed away as a direct result. not trying to put a damper on your good news, but please inform yourself and possibly look into al-anon and ACOA. i am sorry i did not know more before i got involved in a relationship with my husband.
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Old 11-02-2005, 08:16 AM
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Welcome bride,
Yes, please do read as much as you can. Also please know that when he drinks when he is seperated from you, it is BECAUSE He is seperated from you. You have no control in this and dont cause his drinking.

I used to think, if only I could blah blah blah, then he wouldnt drink. Unfortunately it doesnt work like that.

Best wishes and congrats on getting married!!
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Old 11-02-2005, 09:45 AM
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It is wonderful that you are married, but I am concerned that you and your new husband are unable to live together, because he still lives with his family. This seems to indicate that there are underlying problems there, in addition to his alcoholism.

I get a tremendous amount of help, support and information from attending Al-anon meetings. Sometimes, I go to as many as three meetings a week. If you have many alcoholics in your life, Al-anon would help you a lot.

Keep coming back here, too. The people here are supportive and helpful.

Robin
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Old 11-02-2005, 10:23 AM
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Welcome to SR... Glad you found us.

Read all you can, being married to an Alcoholic is a bumpy ride to say the least...

Since you are not able to live together right now it could be a great time to check out Al-anon or work on getting some support for this disease. There is a reason they call it a family disease.

Hope to get to know you better, please keep coming back and posting.
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Old 11-02-2005, 10:56 AM
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Hi Bride and welcome..

SR and Alanon are both great sources of support for people dealing with alcoholism..

I too have a few concerns about what you have posted (red flags so to speak) but don't want you to feel unwelcomed so I'll keep my concerns to myself..unless you ask...

Best of luck.

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Old 11-02-2005, 11:23 AM
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Welcome, glad your here!



Keep coming back, tell us about you, and we will tell you about us!
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Old 11-02-2005, 09:37 PM
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thanks

I know that he's not going to magically get better because I'm great or whatever. I know it'll be something to deal with until one of us dies. He may very well die of alcoholism. I expect to cry, to feel horrible, to regret, to be in pain in this relationship. I know that his living situation is bad. I know that I can't make him change, no matter how much I love him. I have accepted that, and I have seen him in some pretty bad states. I also know he is a genius, is incredibly sensitive, otherwise highly compatible in all ways, and I love him so much, I will just deal with what happens, however that may be.

The first night I truly realized he was an alcoholic, I thought to myself, "here is the perfect man, why the hell am I cursed to deal with stuff like this?".
But then I thought about it more. What if I'd found out he had cancer, or manic depression, or what if he got in an accident tomorrow and lost his legs. Would I stay with him? Yes. I had chances to stop, and I knew that I might find someone else healthier to be with. In fact, I'm sure somewhere down the road, I could have found some very wonderful person. But I love HIM. It simply is a fact. I've been in other long relationships, and as I said, I've been with another severe alcoholic. I have felt love before, this is more. This is not about being a martyr, it's about being with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Having said that, thank you all for you greetings and your care. I am sure I will need support in the future, so you'll be seeing me again!

Sincerely,
Bride of Lion
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