emotions and actions
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
emotions and actions
I have been thinking alot lately about how emotions effect our actions and while feelings arent fact they do often initiate pretty concrete consequences to actions completely a result of those feelings.
I was standing in line today at the courthouse to get my ballot that never arrived in the mail. I take my number of 63 and wait in line. Well, it had been about an hour into it when and a woman comes up to the counter and is furious bc her number came and went and she had been passed up. She hadnt heard her number called and she was skipped.
She began insulting the clerks and on and on and indicated rather loudly that she wanted her ballot right away. This progresses into screaming and she was removed from the Election office in the courthouse by sheriffs.
This is a prime example of the sort of thing that happens when I let my emotions get the best of me and with disregard to common sense. While she likely had a good reason for flipping out over a replacement ballot, nobody else could see that. They saw her insanity.
When I react in an out of control manner, people only see my insanity. I need to spend more time thinking about the logical consequence of my unbridled emotion instead of the consequence of the alcoholics behavior.
My consequences of unbridled emotions should be more important to me than consequences of anyone elses emotions or actions.
I was standing in line today at the courthouse to get my ballot that never arrived in the mail. I take my number of 63 and wait in line. Well, it had been about an hour into it when and a woman comes up to the counter and is furious bc her number came and went and she had been passed up. She hadnt heard her number called and she was skipped.
She began insulting the clerks and on and on and indicated rather loudly that she wanted her ballot right away. This progresses into screaming and she was removed from the Election office in the courthouse by sheriffs.
This is a prime example of the sort of thing that happens when I let my emotions get the best of me and with disregard to common sense. While she likely had a good reason for flipping out over a replacement ballot, nobody else could see that. They saw her insanity.
When I react in an out of control manner, people only see my insanity. I need to spend more time thinking about the logical consequence of my unbridled emotion instead of the consequence of the alcoholics behavior.
My consequences of unbridled emotions should be more important to me than consequences of anyone elses emotions or actions.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Yup. Great lightbulb moment there, hon.
I am having to deal with a lot of that at the moment. And it is really hard to keep my emotions in check. Anger, mainly. And frustration. But I have logically worked through the facts with my Dad (who is a total star) and I know where I stand. R is spinning out of control emotionally and I can see this so clearly now that I am operating on a different level. It actually means that I see the insanity going on right there in our conversation - almost like I am a 3rd party. The hooks, the baits, the denial, all there in plain view. It's quite fascinating from a psychological point of view.
I don't want to be like that - I once was, but I've grown up a bit now.
I am having to deal with a lot of that at the moment. And it is really hard to keep my emotions in check. Anger, mainly. And frustration. But I have logically worked through the facts with my Dad (who is a total star) and I know where I stand. R is spinning out of control emotionally and I can see this so clearly now that I am operating on a different level. It actually means that I see the insanity going on right there in our conversation - almost like I am a 3rd party. The hooks, the baits, the denial, all there in plain view. It's quite fascinating from a psychological point of view.
I don't want to be like that - I once was, but I've grown up a bit now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Minnie -
Isn't wild to be able to do that now? I remember talking to my exbf Curt after I had about 6 months into Alanon..I could totally see his disease talking..
In dealing with sick people I always post myself a note to remind myself that they are sick and not to take it too personally...
Isn't wild to be able to do that now? I remember talking to my exbf Curt after I had about 6 months into Alanon..I could totally see his disease talking..
In dealing with sick people I always post myself a note to remind myself that they are sick and not to take it too personally...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
What amazes me so much is even the ones "working a program" are still SO messed up and dont seem to see it that way.
My ex is doing the same things he has always done, yet he has a year sober... That one boggles my mind, if he is working the same steps I am (well almost) even if he is slow he should be "getting it".... ahhh well, not my insanity and I thank God for that.
My ex is doing the same things he has always done, yet he has a year sober... That one boggles my mind, if he is working the same steps I am (well almost) even if he is slow he should be "getting it".... ahhh well, not my insanity and I thank God for that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Wow; just had one of those conversations with B. within the hour. Yes, this time I saw the insanity during his tirade, he wanted to intimidate me, then was angry because it didn't work out like he thought it would. I admit, even though I was angry and hurt, the insanity of his words almost caused me to laugh. Really. The blaming, the projection, the selfishness, that attempts to bully and intimidate.........he tried the whole bag of tricks. Oh, and his favorite; "we are not going to talk about that"; I did laugh at that. Oh, another subject that is "off-limits"; sorry, no-can-do! I did tell him I could see it would be a waste of time to do it now, so think about it; we'll get back to this.
Just like a cornered animal; scared and desperate..........it was mesmerizing. Thank you all for opening my eyes!
Just like a cornered animal; scared and desperate..........it was mesmerizing. Thank you all for opening my eyes!
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by elizabeth1979
When I react in an out of control manner, people only see my insanity. I need to spend more time thinking about the logical consequence of my unbridled emotion instead of the consequence of the alcoholics behavior.
My consequences of unbridled emotions should be more important to me than consequences of anyone elses emotions or actions.
Robin
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Yes, I started really analyzing the decisions I have made in my life that were based on an emotion. Yikes, not so healthy. My anger has sibsiding some in the past few days, which is good!
I too noticed, when talking to D, the disease spilling out in his words. Its so good to be able to recognize the disease at the very moment I hear it and allow myself to not react emoptionally anymore.
I too noticed, when talking to D, the disease spilling out in his words. Its so good to be able to recognize the disease at the very moment I hear it and allow myself to not react emoptionally anymore.
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