Cajun girl

That just about sums me up. I need to vent. I am so sick of my A's selfishness and sense of entitlement. I've been waiting for 8 months and he has had a multitude of reasons why he can't be a good partner, family member, supporter of the household, etc. etc. Blah, blah, blah. I am at the point where I don't care why anymore. I probably shouldn't say this, but who cares. Work every day the way the rest of us do, go to AA everyday if that what keeps you sober, pray cuz you say you're a Christian, and live honestly.......

I'm at the point I'm opening my mouth with ultimatums. Not that it does any good with this controller. "I don't want to talk to you, LATER"...... I'm sick of his controlling attitude.

I'm feeling like this relationship is hopeless and I'm a fool for trying 112% for a yr. now.........

HELP

Stephanie

(((((((((Cajun girl)))))))))

Believe it or not I think you're right where you're suppose to be. I think your frustration and hopelessness says something about how much you value yourself, and that's pretty important. I was told those feelings meant that I finally surrendered and admitted powerlessness and that's the first step on the road to recovery and a new life for yourself with or without him.

Take care of you

S

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi (((((( Cajungirl )))))).

I think it's great that you're saying "who cares?" If you have some minimum standards that are not being met, whether they are real reasons or lame excuses doesn't matter.

If I want silk crepe and one importers warehouse got flooded, I'm sorry, but I want crepe, not moire'. I get crepe someplace else. It doesn't matter why.

How much settling you're willing to do is up to you. You're not a fool for trying. Some of us have a conscience that urges us to give other people every reasonable chance. The tricky part is figuring out when you've gotten past reasonable. It looks like you're becoming more clear about your bottom line. That's good!

Hugs,
Smoke

sealy

Hi there, Just wanted to drop you a quick note and wish you my very best.
I know exactly how you are feeling and although I cannot tell you what to do about it or even offer any advice that might work as I have not been able to resolve my own situation.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Hugs,
Sealy

Rose56

Wow this is a good post for me. I am right there with you CG. "Who cares" is right. But I am still struggling with my bottom line, how much can I take and for how long? Good luck, please check in with us and let us know how you are working through this, it will be especially helpful for me. Take care.

behere4me

Hi, I am new here and I feel your pain. I too am at my wits-end with my husband who is an alcoholic. I lost my son last year on Oct 10, 2001, he had just turned 27 in Sept and I recently lost my greatmother who raised me and the only mother I had last month Nov 2, 2002. I haven't gotten over my son's death and now I am grieving for my grandmother. My husband of 4 years this past Dec 12, told me when I met him that he was a recovering alcoholic and had been clean for 10 years, I really never had a problem with him drinking until this past summer, two weeks ago and now again today. I am on the verge of moving into my grandmothers house after the contractors that I hired completes the work. I will move on Jan 3rd of next year. So you see I have my hands full and still I can deal with life without any addictions . I have never had any addiction in my life and can't deal with my husband's addcition and his refusal to go to meeting or get a sponsor. He will go to a meeting and come home drunk when he does. He refuses to go to a rehab after pawning his wedding ring for Colt 45 when he didn't have any money. I found beer cans all over the house that he left after he drank them. I thought he was back to his senses and now he comes home drunk tonight. Then he gets with the so what attitude. My granmother lived with my grandfather and he was an alcohoic and I saw what she went through and promised myself that I would never deal with that if I married. I want a divorce because I don't see my husband getting his self together. He feels he can take a drink when he feels like it. He also has a chemical imbalance and one beer is like 4 to him.

Cajun girl

I am not a very good source of advice right now, I can just tell you that I pray for God's grace and guidance and peace right now. I know I have a difficult time feeling gratitude at this moment, but in times of stillness I can count the multitude of blessings that I have in my life. Set your boundaries when you aren't so emotional and then detach, pray, and hopefully peace will follow.

sealy

Good morning, Wow that was a powerful post. I could feel just how upset you were when you wrote it as I read your words. One thing about Us here on the board ... I think we could go from house to house and visit and almost never know the difference as the same things seem to be going on in so many of our lives.
My husband is not drinking at the moment but so many of the things you speak of an many other events much worse have happened in my own home. I too had swore that I would never live with an addict .. my mother had a problem with alcohol and I saw how it affected her and us ... it is hard for me to understand just how I ended up married to a alcoholic? It is also hard for me to understand why I have stayed for almost 8 years now??
All I can say is try to keep your head together and if you are like me ... post away as it helps me to think clearly about things.
Hugs and remember we are all here for you.

behere4me

Thanks. My husband hasn't drank since monday thank god.

Live

BEhere4me,

I've been away a bit and haven't caught all your story, so forgive whatever ignorance of mine pops us.

I wanted to address you, because I too lost my son at 20yrs old, tho' not nearly so recently as your loss.

I am so sorry. The grief is so much to bear alone, and can only be complicated by these other traumas and crises.

Please know that you are not alone. There is so much help available.
And also it takes time,

People sometimes seem to expect us to get over our grief and go on in a mere 6wks or even 6 mos. Such wounds take time and gentleness to heal, however much time we need.

My heart is with you.

I am also so sorry that you have these other things that are added problems,
I wish you peace, send you prayers, and encourage you to come here, as there are so many here full of love, hope and strength to share with us when ours is running low.

hugs,
live

behere4me

Thank you. I will grieve for my son for the rest of my life in my heart. I miss him so much and can only imagine how you feel missing your's for 20 years. It is still a very fresh nightmare for me. It was so sudden and unexpected. My son who had turned 27 on Sept 27 2001 died on Oct 10, 2002. He had ulcertive coloits that was diagnoised a year before that and he was taking a steriod for it. He got a cold and developed pneumonia and by taking the steriod ( in larger dosage than the doctor prescibed ), he couldn't fight off the pneumonia and he died. He had just come home from the hospital a week before and was taking the medicine the doctor gave him. He was still having shortness of breath, but fluid got into his lungs unexpectingly and after rushing him back to the hospital and him being on a respirator for a day, he didn't make it. I didn't know until he died after talking to his doctor that he had been taking more dosage than she told him to because he was having stomach problems, I cry often at the drop of a hat. He was my first born and his life and career was gone at such a young age. I have a daughter who is 22 and they were likt mute and jeff. He was the one who was responsible and dependent. He had his won apt, worked for the city and was well loved by all. He had a standing room only attendance at his funeral that was escorted by the City of Philadelphia Police. I am getting teary eyed now so I better go....

Live

Behere4me,

Thanksgiving marked the 3d anniv. of my son's death.
Like you, I knew I would never get over it and simply decided that I had the rest of my life to take it one little piece at a time as I was able. It is never okay. But it does get easier.
I also have a daughter who is now 20,we are close and lean on each other quite alot. Having "shared this death" makes us aware of our preciousness to each other.

I am freshly out of a 5yr relationship with an alcoholic. I lean on these wonderful ladies quite a bit. Sometimes I am amazed at how patient and supportive they are with me, because sometimes the things I get all bent about are small in comparison to their own, and sometimes it's all just due to my own hard headedness.

I come to these boards every day, it is like air to me, I need it to breathe!

Wishing you peace and love,
live

behere4me

Thanks.