Daughter sexually assaulted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Daughter sexually assaulted
I am in pain today because my alcoholic daughter was raped on Friday night. Because we live in a small town, I am unable to speak about this, even in my Alanon group. My daughter has asked me not to tell anyone.
She went to the police Friday night after the assault to report what happened but they actually put her in lockup! They are trying to help now, but she was in a blackout state when it happened, so they don't have much to go on. We drove around with the police officer on Saturday, trying to find the crime scene, from the sketchy details my daughter remembered. Each time, I helped the police search for the crime scene. They were lookng for a cap my daughter said she had lost during the assault.
I finally found the crime scene - a secluded grassy clearing littered with beer bottles. My daughter's cap was right there on the ground. I felt so sick, knowing that this was where she has been raped the night before. I called the officer and he gathered the evidence.
Today I am looking at every man I see on the street, and wondering: "are you the sick bastard that raped my daughter?"
My daughter is OK physically, and she has been encouraged to get counselling at the women's crisis center.
I feel so sad today. I am grieving for the innocent, loving little girl I raised.
I thought that I was learning to handle my daughter's alcoholism but this incident has hit me hard.
Please pray for her.
Robin
She went to the police Friday night after the assault to report what happened but they actually put her in lockup! They are trying to help now, but she was in a blackout state when it happened, so they don't have much to go on. We drove around with the police officer on Saturday, trying to find the crime scene, from the sketchy details my daughter remembered. Each time, I helped the police search for the crime scene. They were lookng for a cap my daughter said she had lost during the assault.
I finally found the crime scene - a secluded grassy clearing littered with beer bottles. My daughter's cap was right there on the ground. I felt so sick, knowing that this was where she has been raped the night before. I called the officer and he gathered the evidence.
Today I am looking at every man I see on the street, and wondering: "are you the sick bastard that raped my daughter?"
My daughter is OK physically, and she has been encouraged to get counselling at the women's crisis center.
I feel so sad today. I am grieving for the innocent, loving little girl I raised.
I thought that I was learning to handle my daughter's alcoholism but this incident has hit me hard.
Please pray for her.
Robin
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
((Robin))
My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to deal with the pain of our children knowing there is and was nothing we could/can do to prevent it. The best we can do is to love them and encourage them to heal. We can't do it for them and I think that is one of the hardest lessons a parent has to learn.
Hang in there, I know it's really hard. A crisis center is definitely a good step.
My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to deal with the pain of our children knowing there is and was nothing we could/can do to prevent it. The best we can do is to love them and encourage them to heal. We can't do it for them and I think that is one of the hardest lessons a parent has to learn.
Hang in there, I know it's really hard. A crisis center is definitely a good step.
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
I'm so very sorry about what happened. She's very lucky to have you to help her through this very rough time. She will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
((((Robin's daughter)))))
((((Robin))))
((((Robin's daughter)))))
((((Robin))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Henderson, NV
Posts: 14
What a horrible thing for a mother to have to go through. My second daughter who is now 32 was in a very bad state in her alcoholism and crossed the state line, arrested and put into a shelter where she suffered DTs and was put in a psychiatric hospital. I so feel for you. Please don't take this harshly, but it may help you. Use this horrible rape to demonstrate to her what horrible things happen to alcoholic women. It sounds harsh compared to what others have said, but it's true. Don't baby her and don't put yourself on a campaign to find the guy and punish him. In her mind, she will focus on his bad and not hers. You have to hold her responsible as an adult who is a raging alcoholic who in a blackout got raped. Let her know that you expected, yes, expected this to happen and are thankful, as should she be, that worse did not happen to her. Please, I know what I'm talking about! You have to get her to take responsibility for this rape, for it would not have happened had she not been in her disease. You should drill this into her head, thank God worse did not happen, don't try to punish the guy, because that will be enabling to her, and use tough love with her to get her into recovery! Sounds to me like the alcoholism is more life threatening and urgent than the rape, which she hardly remembers since she was in a blackout. Address the disease, not one of the side effects.
How Important Is It?
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
Many thanks for your kind and loving replies. As hard as I work to practice loving detachment, sometimes this disease does such terrible damage, all you can do is cry.
Robin
Robin
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Robina ((((big hugs))
That's awful!!! God bless you and she.
My daughter was sexually attacked at age 14. She kept it to herself for two years. She's now 24 and still has attachment issues. To have the innocence taken from her when she is such a faithful girl and wanted to save her virginity for marriage, hurt her so much!
Good counseling, when she's ready, and a WHOLE lot of love will help her heal.
My prayers are with you both.
That's awful!!! God bless you and she.
My daughter was sexually attacked at age 14. She kept it to herself for two years. She's now 24 and still has attachment issues. To have the innocence taken from her when she is such a faithful girl and wanted to save her virginity for marriage, hurt her so much!
Good counseling, when she's ready, and a WHOLE lot of love will help her heal.
My prayers are with you both.
Reikihelps
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 221
((((Dear Robin,))))
I am so sorry. I will pray for healing for her and for you.
with love,
Michele
p.s. loving detachment is one thing....this is quite another. Crying would seem to me to be only natural. Is there someone you can see to talk about your feelings too?
I am so sorry. I will pray for healing for her and for you.
with love,
Michele
p.s. loving detachment is one thing....this is quite another. Crying would seem to me to be only natural. Is there someone you can see to talk about your feelings too?
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