Hey, haven't pstd in a while..need to share thoughts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: matawan nj
Posts: 86
Hey, haven't pstd in a while..need to share thoughts
Hello all. (!) Today I feel kind of alone, I read about how alienation is the worse thing for us...good thing I read that this morning because I was starting to get angry.
My roommate went to visit family and the 2 girls that live next to us are not here either. One went away because its a long weekend and the other is probably doing homework somewhere. But really, it gives me a lot of time to do what I need to in peace and queit.
So, I'm studying abroad. A lot has just clicked in my mind. When I was home, I had an 'excuse', someone to bame for my behavior...but now I am an 8 hour plane ride away from it all, and I STILL had a relapse here. That proves that I am the problem, rather than them.
Ok, maybe some of it is the family, because I don't have the love of a real family, but I have to accept that that's just how it is, and that its never going to change. The lonliness definetly comes out of that, but how many people have those real loving familys? Not that many. So, I am still working on myself. But, I have definetly made so much progress.
A lot of work has been on looking inward VERY honestly, and realizing a lot about myself, things that before I might have lied to myself about becuase I didn't want to be like that. But thats just me. I can work on it to an extent with God but we are SUPPOSED to have bad days.......did anyone else know that?!!? Lol, ok I'm being sarcastic.
Anyway, I have also realized that a lot of people yearn for love, and that I just have to be good to myself for now so I can trust myself when I meet people and have gut feelings aboout them. I used to not be able to go out because "I didn't want to get to know anyone (for friendships) but really it was the other way around I didn't want people to get to know me......
Oh ok, and ALSO, i've realized that I have to live life for ME. Too many times after some time sober I just kind of give myself up for other peoples disposition and of course if they take advantage of me i'm going to be upset with myself for letting myself do things i didnt really want to....its all about finding a happy medium, doing things with others that you also want to do. I don't know if i'm making a lot of sense I'm just getting my thoughts out as they come. Sometimes it feels so much better to put them here than in a private journal.
Many many times I still have trouble with accepting that I deserve a good content life...I don't know why..
Ok last thing, I have read a lot about having a sponsor, and that thats the best thing to have. I dont have one. I cant go to meetings, but if anyone knows how i can get a sponsor on here? Or anywhere on the web Id appreciate it....I not even really sure what that means!?
With that, I wish everyone a great sober day with lots of smiles : )
Peace and Love B
My roommate went to visit family and the 2 girls that live next to us are not here either. One went away because its a long weekend and the other is probably doing homework somewhere. But really, it gives me a lot of time to do what I need to in peace and queit.
So, I'm studying abroad. A lot has just clicked in my mind. When I was home, I had an 'excuse', someone to bame for my behavior...but now I am an 8 hour plane ride away from it all, and I STILL had a relapse here. That proves that I am the problem, rather than them.
Ok, maybe some of it is the family, because I don't have the love of a real family, but I have to accept that that's just how it is, and that its never going to change. The lonliness definetly comes out of that, but how many people have those real loving familys? Not that many. So, I am still working on myself. But, I have definetly made so much progress.
A lot of work has been on looking inward VERY honestly, and realizing a lot about myself, things that before I might have lied to myself about becuase I didn't want to be like that. But thats just me. I can work on it to an extent with God but we are SUPPOSED to have bad days.......did anyone else know that?!!? Lol, ok I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, I have also realized that a lot of people yearn for love, and that I just have to be good to myself for now so I can trust myself when I meet people and have gut feelings aboout them. I used to not be able to go out because "I didn't want to get to know anyone (for friendships) but really it was the other way around I didn't want people to get to know me......
Oh ok, and ALSO, i've realized that I have to live life for ME. Too many times after some time sober I just kind of give myself up for other peoples disposition and of course if they take advantage of me i'm going to be upset with myself for letting myself do things i didnt really want to....its all about finding a happy medium, doing things with others that you also want to do. I don't know if i'm making a lot of sense I'm just getting my thoughts out as they come. Sometimes it feels so much better to put them here than in a private journal.
Many many times I still have trouble with accepting that I deserve a good content life...I don't know why..
Ok last thing, I have read a lot about having a sponsor, and that thats the best thing to have. I dont have one. I cant go to meetings, but if anyone knows how i can get a sponsor on here? Or anywhere on the web Id appreciate it....I not even really sure what that means!?
With that, I wish everyone a great sober day with lots of smiles : )
Peace and Love B
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Sounds like you have made progress in the self reflection part! Yes, our addiction is usually about us and no one else, though it feels better to blame someone else! Keep working on you. Where are you at that they don't have meetings? You can try some online meetings here and other sites that offer them. recoverychat.com has good ones to. ( I think that's the site) .. you can probably find a temp online sponsor by doing a search as well the one site I knew you could find one shut down but I know there are other options out there!
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
It helps me alot to post my thoughts and get them out there. I like that others can respond to them. Yep, Chy is right. Our addictions are all about us. You seem to be looking at yourself now, so that's a bid step.
Meetings really helped me. It's in the face to face contact, where you can no longer hide. I have made so many wonderful friends from the meetings.
When looking for a sponsor, you look for someone that has what you want. Someone with some sober time behind them and that has worked the Steps. This is the person that will help guide you throughout your recovery. Mine usually tells me all those things I don't want to hear!! LOL That's what makes a good sponsor!!
Keep working on you!! Sobriety is a wonderful journey!!
Missy
Meetings really helped me. It's in the face to face contact, where you can no longer hide. I have made so many wonderful friends from the meetings.
When looking for a sponsor, you look for someone that has what you want. Someone with some sober time behind them and that has worked the Steps. This is the person that will help guide you throughout your recovery. Mine usually tells me all those things I don't want to hear!! LOL That's what makes a good sponsor!!
Keep working on you!! Sobriety is a wonderful journey!!
Missy
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