scorpiowife

hi, i'm a new comer to this site and i've found it very helpful. my A is my husband of 13 years , we have 4 kids ,2 we had together and 2 i had before we met. the past 2 years have been very trying- my husband met someone in work and ended up leaving with her. i was devestated and lost, i found al-anon and have been working on myself for the past year. over the past 2 years my husband has been back and fourth between his family and this new enabler (for lack of a better word). she had convinced him he could do whatever he wanted and he did. i won't get into what i think of her but i'm sure you can get the picture. all along i strongly felt that the man i met and loved was in there somewhere and he was buried in his addiction. after a time i decided to cut ties with him it was to painful to deal with his craziness. i told him i wanted nothing to do with him and to live his life as he choose and as long as he was drinking he would not be able to take the kids out with him without a court order. eventually he came back to me on our anniversary and begged me to take him back under my wing, he assured me that the other enabler was gone and that he would get help with his drinking. i told him i would not fix this but i would try to help him in any way i could. he has since been to a detox and is currently 4 weeks sober. i do feel this time it's for real and that he finally wants this for himself i'm sure my new approach (keeping my hands off) helped. right now mt concern is with the intamacy and sex relationship between us -basically there is none. even over the past 2 years we didn't seem to have a problem in that department. now there just isn't any. my husband says he just doesn't have any urges right now. i feel he thinks we are working at just being parents together and somewhat like roommates. that is not my goal at all.if anyone has any insight on this subject it would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance

Paulie

Hi and welcome to SR - if you have not already checked out the Naranon forum I suggest that you do. there as in Alanon where you went you will meet people who know exactly what you are going through.

You said 'you feel' your husband is just consintrating on being a parent right now, have you asked him that? or are you just going by your feeling? Just keep talking to him, keep the lines of communication open. Being newly sober brings about feelings in a person that are really hard to describe. Time and communication right now is what I suggest. And keep doing what you are doing, taking care of you and your kids first.

scorpiowife

thanks for your reply paulie. i have asked him and he has said that ,that is what he thought we were both working on. i don't know what gave him the idea that this is what i wanted but for some reason this is what he thinks. sometimes i think he gives me the quick answer just so we don't have to go in to it. for now i will take your advice and take care of me and the kids and leave the lines of communication open between us. that was definately something wehave lacked in the past. i also realized what a turn off it would be to try and force intimacy. thanks again

earlybird

Oh yes,..............I went through this bigtime. I drank dangerously for 15 years. When I got sober a year and a half ago, I wasnt interested in sex for the first 3 or 4 months. Just had no drive. I asked my substance abuse Dr. about it and he said that its normal. Not ALL people go through it,..but it IS a normal side effect after getting sober. His interest will come back around. But,...um,....word of warning, and again I speak from experience,.....when it does,....LOOK OUT......hee hee.