sadface

I read books, posts, etc. and try to understand RH and acept the way things are. I am taking the steps to change my life, but it is hard. When I am alone, I catch myself wondering why RH has no feelings. I don't call him back, if I answer the phone I keep the conversation to a minimum, I try to avoid him so as not to have to face him. It has been two weeks since he quit, he says he is working late and I am working late. He came over yesterday and spend a couple of hours with my son. I was not here because I had to work. In reality of he really wanted to spend some time with me, he could, but he chooses not too. Sometimes he spends the night about once every two weeks, I feel he does it so that I think everything is okay. But in reality it makes me feel like a *****. I don't want to play house anymore, but I read some where it is not good to take sex away from a marriage (if that is what I have). When we were first having problems, I told him I felt he was using me as his ***** and the intimacy stopped between us. Later he told me it was because of what I said. He was using drugs and alcohol at that time. So he was getting it somewhere else. Today, he came by to give me some money. I received it, thanked hiim and quickly looked away as if I am so busy. My son did hug and kissed him, I did not, because I am tired of pretending everything is fine. I don't want to talk, because all we do is argue and I see no point in it. I am sure things will get easier for me, but I am just feeling a little sad, maybe self pity. Thanks for listening.

FriendofBill

Get to alanon, hon.

Reading books and post will not bring about the changes you seek.....

It works if you work it.....but only if you want it.

www.al-anon.alateen.org

StandingStrong

You are doing something you don't want to do, something that is making you feel crappy, and you are unhappy.
So....it's time to change your life. Not your RH, but yourself and your life. And as FriendofBill said, you can start with Alanon to help you find the answers you're seeking. It's definately not an overnight fix, but we all have to start somewhere.
Time to plan your life and start living it - happily!

I just wanted to add that I have a lot of problems letting go too, but I'm working on it and I'm getting better. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone, and any progress is still progress. So....where are you going to start?

harleygirl92156

I have been and am somewhat still in your shoes although farther along in the process than you. I read all the books, had a delivery from amazon almost everyday for two months.
I still live with my RH so my situation is a little different, but sounds very similar to yours. The resentment of what they have done in the past eats us alive and will continue to do so until you get help. Go to counseling (individual and marriage, Go to Al anon, get support, all you can.
It will get better as time passes, especially if he is working a serious program. You didn't mention if he was in AA or not. If he is, you will see a gradual change over time.
Give it time and give him a chance to prove he is serious about his sobriety and the marriage. Things do improve as you get healthier, you just have to work on yourself and getting healthy. He has to work on himself to get healthy.
Just give it time.
Also, if you don't want to have sex with him DON'T. You do not have to use your body to keep him faithful to your marriage. If he wants you and a life with you he will be failthful, if he doesn't get his satisfaction from you and goes elsewhere, they you don't need that kind of a man in your life anyway, YOU DESERVE BETTER. If you can wait until you want to, then he can too if he truely loves you and wants the relationship to work.
Work on yourself and your emotional well being, let him work on his and then work on your marriage together. If he doesn't want to work on the marriage with you then let it go. Best for you.