One for the Books
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Windy City Burbs
Posts: 101
One for the Books
Thursday nights are my night out at the local bar for karaokee. There is a regular crowd and it something that my H and I both like to do. So last night there was a 50th birthday party there with a spread of sandwiches, snacks and sweets. To make a long story short my H stated a couple of times he wanted a cupcake. Time passed and he brought up the subject again. We had already introduced ourselves to the B-day girl and he went up to her to make small talk with intentions of weaseling a cupcake. He came back no cupcake. So I said I'll just go ask her for one. He says go ahead. I am sure he didn't think I would. It is something I would not have done in the past. It is something I would have done before I met him. I have been putting stupid stuff like that in perspective. The worst thing she'd say is "no, they are my cupcakes for my friends back off." So I walked up to her and asked "K, would you mind if I had a cupcake?" "Sure sweetheart, you can have whatever you want." "Thanks"
So I got the cupcake and proudly returned to my H. And this is classic. He refused to eat the cupcake. He got MAD because he wanted to get a cupcake on his own terms. I
shook me head and asked if he was seriously mad.
He said sort of, that I underminded his authority.
Authority over cupcakes?
He said that I didn't understand.
Oh I understand very clearly.
I took the cupcake to the restroom and threw it away.
When I came back he asked me what I got so mad about.
I wasn't mad at all. I was amused.
He is CRAZY.
Now I am just telling this story for the fun of it. Feel free to say whatever. But I do know that I am not his mother and if he wanted a cupcake he could have gotten one himself. I wasn't intending anything here. But his reaction is baffling.
Anyway just wanted to share the rational thought process of my AH.
J
So I got the cupcake and proudly returned to my H. And this is classic. He refused to eat the cupcake. He got MAD because he wanted to get a cupcake on his own terms. I
shook me head and asked if he was seriously mad.
He said sort of, that I underminded his authority.
Authority over cupcakes?
He said that I didn't understand.
Oh I understand very clearly.
I took the cupcake to the restroom and threw it away.
When I came back he asked me what I got so mad about.
I wasn't mad at all. I was amused.
He is CRAZY.
Now I am just telling this story for the fun of it. Feel free to say whatever. But I do know that I am not his mother and if he wanted a cupcake he could have gotten one himself. I wasn't intending anything here. But his reaction is baffling.
Anyway just wanted to share the rational thought process of my AH.
J
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Originally Posted by somebodysfool
... and he went up to her to make small talk with intentions of weaseling a cupcake. He came back no cupcake. ....
Learning to ask for what we need is a big part of recovery for both addicts and alanons... I sometimes return to my old ways of flirting, manipulation and "weaseling" to get what I want. What I really need... is a meeting.
Good illustration... thanks for sharing! (... and you threw it away! Oh, man, if I could only learn to throw sweets away, there would be one less 12-step program on my list to try...)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 71
Sounds like he was just looking for any excuse to make you feel bad, so he wouldn't be alone in his self-disgust. Addicts (and other "sick" people) are amazingly talented at finding the potential for blame in everything. They love to point the finger at everyone else, no matter how ridiculous the circumstances.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
[ ...especially in the case pictured below... 
Originally Posted by nocellphone
I am powerless over cupcakes and my life has become unmanageable...
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