elizabeth1979

I have been doing well lately. Separating D's choices from mine. Sticking to my boundaries and yada yada. Today I find myself after a particularly annoying round with my mother, feeling the need to control. My mind satrted wandering to how many has he had allready, is he REALLY at work, was he drunk last night, and on and on. All the while my heartrate is rising, I am getting cranky and feeling out of control. I begin debating leaving work early and seeing if hes drunk on the couch instead of at work where hes supposed to be.

WWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!

I am slammin on the brakes here folks. SLOW IT DOWN SISTER I had to tell myself. All of those things have no effect on what kind of I day I can have. Its like my mind gets on auto pilot to Codieville. Well, just for right now I am not going on that trip.

Brammy

I'm so glad you put the brakes on that. I used to find myself wondering everyday around 6 if my SO would make it til 9 when we would usually talk before getting drunk. I would call around seven and find myself unable to concentrate on nything else until the nightly conversation. I got past that but would still be wondering by the time the phone rang. If he was drunk, I could feel the anger just boil over. Now I just say, 'I don't want to talk right now, anything I say will be forgotten by morning'.

elizabeth1979

Brammy, this sound silly but how do you get your A to let up when you say you dont want to talk right then. For a long while one of my boundaries is that I will not discuss our relationship or money when he is drunk. You can imagine why.
But he never respects that boundary. Can you enlighten me???

Brammy

This may sound a lot like sucking up but, for me, it was better than fighting.

Him: Hellllooo (always stretches that out when he's drunk)
Me: Hi baby, having a good time tonight?
Him: Guess so, wha' cha' doon
Me: Nothing much, just really exhausted, had a long day.
Him: Me too. ( you can never have a worse or longer day than he does)
Me: Well baby, I miss you and would love to spend some time with you but do you mind if I call it a night?
Him: You don't want to talk to me?
Me: Always, but unfortunately, tonight I'd rather dream about you.

When he's home I would usually ask him to lie down with me and within 15-20 minutes, he'd be fast asleep and I could get up and do whatever I wanted to do in the first place. Mostly be pissed that he was drunk at all.

meli2005

I think we all do what you are doing. Sometimes I find my mind racing. How are the bills going to get paid? Did my AH drink last night? Will he find a job, etc? Will we get teh unemployment benes we so badly need? Then I have my 17 mo. old crying and driving me nuts. I have to tell myself to slow down and just live for the moment. It's hard....