Relapse?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: SOUTH
Posts: 10
Relapse?
Hi,
Thank you for having this site.
I am the mother of a recovering alcohol, drug addict...she has been out of treatment one moth and was doing great. This weekend, she took a mini thin, and took a couple extra Vistaril's...she confessed today, and is at a meeting as I type, however, how do I react?
I'm upset and disappointed, she lives with me per her therapists request and he wants me with her alot...so, I can't just say, "she has do this on her own" ...HELP!!! What do I do or say?
Thank you for having this site.
I am the mother of a recovering alcohol, drug addict...she has been out of treatment one moth and was doing great. This weekend, she took a mini thin, and took a couple extra Vistaril's...she confessed today, and is at a meeting as I type, however, how do I react?
I'm upset and disappointed, she lives with me per her therapists request and he wants me with her alot...so, I can't just say, "she has do this on her own" ...HELP!!! What do I do or say?
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello, Deedy--Welcome to SR! Glad you found us. My initial reaction to your post is that she IS going to have to do this on her own. You cannot be with her 24 hours a day. How old is she, BTW?
You might want to hop on down to the Friends and Family, Al-anon, or Nar-anon boards. There are a lot of folks there who have been right where you are. Of course, others will be along here soon, too.
Hang in there--
You might want to hop on down to the Friends and Family, Al-anon, or Nar-anon boards. There are a lot of folks there who have been right where you are. Of course, others will be along here soon, too.
Hang in there--
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: SOUTH
Posts: 10
She is 21 years old.
So, you don't think her dad and I should be mad? She lives in our home, we need to trust her.
I say, forgive and just be glad she was honest and let her continue working her program, I guess...this is so difficult!
So, you don't think her dad and I should be mad? She lives in our home, we need to trust her.
I say, forgive and just be glad she was honest and let her continue working her program, I guess...this is so difficult!
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Deedy -
I am the mom of 2 addicts and a sober alcoholic, and an child of alcoholics.
What I always have known is that addiction/alcholism (same thing in my book) runs in families. There is much disagreement about "why" -whether it is environmental or has a genetic base. My husband and I did everything we knew how to ensure our children were raised in a clean and sober home - yet they both developed addiction. I happen to believe the studies that say there is a genetic presdisposition to becoming addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.
I also believe that it is normal to experiement with drugs and alcohol - "normal" people do this and do not become addicted. Addicts do this and become addicted. From there on out, the experiences are not at all the same.
So, it sounds as though your kid may have inherited a gene that makes her susceptible to becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol. She is an addict. From everything I have read, she will be an addict for her entire life. In fact, it is quite possible she could give up one drug, only to become addicted to another one.
My kids never wanted to be addicts. They did not relapse because they so enjoyed the life and reputation of a junkie. Addiction is a condition (or disease) that includes an inability to not use the drug... and my kids didn't know they couldn't stay clean until they relapsed. At that point, they learned a little about addiction. They couldn't just "turn it off" because they changed their minds.
I thought I could help my children by giving them a good, clean, warm home to live in. By providing love and attention. By meeting their needs so they could concentrate on themselves and perhaps stay sober... and each thing I did gave them more time and money to spend on addiction.
No one can get someone else sober. What I always end up doing with my "helping" is enabling a drunk or addict stay drunk and addicted. My helping becomes part of the problem.
I hope you can get down to the Naranon or Friends and Family forums on here - lots of folks there in your exact situation...
I wish you the best...
I am the mom of 2 addicts and a sober alcoholic, and an child of alcoholics.
What I always have known is that addiction/alcholism (same thing in my book) runs in families. There is much disagreement about "why" -whether it is environmental or has a genetic base. My husband and I did everything we knew how to ensure our children were raised in a clean and sober home - yet they both developed addiction. I happen to believe the studies that say there is a genetic presdisposition to becoming addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.
I also believe that it is normal to experiement with drugs and alcohol - "normal" people do this and do not become addicted. Addicts do this and become addicted. From there on out, the experiences are not at all the same.
So, it sounds as though your kid may have inherited a gene that makes her susceptible to becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol. She is an addict. From everything I have read, she will be an addict for her entire life. In fact, it is quite possible she could give up one drug, only to become addicted to another one.
My kids never wanted to be addicts. They did not relapse because they so enjoyed the life and reputation of a junkie. Addiction is a condition (or disease) that includes an inability to not use the drug... and my kids didn't know they couldn't stay clean until they relapsed. At that point, they learned a little about addiction. They couldn't just "turn it off" because they changed their minds.
I thought I could help my children by giving them a good, clean, warm home to live in. By providing love and attention. By meeting their needs so they could concentrate on themselves and perhaps stay sober... and each thing I did gave them more time and money to spend on addiction.
No one can get someone else sober. What I always end up doing with my "helping" is enabling a drunk or addict stay drunk and addicted. My helping becomes part of the problem.
I hope you can get down to the Naranon or Friends and Family forums on here - lots of folks there in your exact situation...
I wish you the best...
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Would you be mad if she grew back a cancerous tumor? Perhaps, but not at her, right, at her disease.
Addicition is the same..its a disease that she has no power over. Its not a choice. SHe came clean...give her positive acknowledgment for that.
The best, most productive wau I can help an addict is to get my tail to al anon on a consistent basis.....you cannot save her..the therapist hopefully did not intend for you to guard her,,,that will NOT help her.
She can only get sober if she wants it and with the help of other recovering people, not you.
Focus on yourself, get to alanon or naranon,,and keep coming back!
Addicition is the same..its a disease that she has no power over. Its not a choice. SHe came clean...give her positive acknowledgment for that.
The best, most productive wau I can help an addict is to get my tail to al anon on a consistent basis.....you cannot save her..the therapist hopefully did not intend for you to guard her,,,that will NOT help her.
She can only get sober if she wants it and with the help of other recovering people, not you.
Focus on yourself, get to alanon or naranon,,and keep coming back!
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Welcome to SR, Deedy!!!
You've been given some really great advice here -- the top of which is to get yourself to alanon or naranon meetings. Visit the forums here, and read the stickys on the tops of those forums. There, you'll find much excellent advice.
I'm afraid I have to say I TOTALLY disagree with your therapist! WOW! My son is the addict in my life, and he can no longer live with me. Addiction is a progressive disease. And unless she is totally committed to her recovery, she will get worse. Things will disapear from your home; lies will become the norm of her life. And the quality of your life will be forever changed.
I pray it doesn't come to that, but, just be aware that it can. And you need to take care of yourself. She needs to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean. Living with you means that she is not responsible for her basic needs. It's called enabling. And as Jon says, we can enable them right into the grave. She's an adult. Allow her to be one. That means being responsible.
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery.
Shalom!
You've been given some really great advice here -- the top of which is to get yourself to alanon or naranon meetings. Visit the forums here, and read the stickys on the tops of those forums. There, you'll find much excellent advice.
I'm afraid I have to say I TOTALLY disagree with your therapist! WOW! My son is the addict in my life, and he can no longer live with me. Addiction is a progressive disease. And unless she is totally committed to her recovery, she will get worse. Things will disapear from your home; lies will become the norm of her life. And the quality of your life will be forever changed.
I pray it doesn't come to that, but, just be aware that it can. And you need to take care of yourself. She needs to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean. Living with you means that she is not responsible for her basic needs. It's called enabling. And as Jon says, we can enable them right into the grave. She's an adult. Allow her to be one. That means being responsible.
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery.
Shalom!
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