Paulina

I really don't know what I am?? I'm not new to recovery but new to this site and have been literally playing with my recovery since 1993..had almost five years clean when five months ago I talked a shrink into subscribing me Xanox..(my life had become unmanageable and I believed I needed this crap)knowing I am an addict and not going to meetings, or working any program besides mental health..the doc who knows I'm an addict went ahead and gave me the scripts...need I say more? three months later I left my home, my dog..found myself homeless, carless and jobless...and I ran out of the meds(saved by Grace maybe?) so I'm back in the rooms..found old sober friends to welcome me back, new friends to support me..but the pain of addiction is soo deep and rooted I cannot talk at meetings for fear that I will start crying and not be able to stop...sitting here at the computer is much easier but I'm hoping its not a copout to face what I need to face...my question..how oh how are you all so able to share so easily? and if it was hard how did you come about to come out of that isolated shell? thanks for listening!

ByGrace

Welcome back...Keep coming back!

Luckyv2

(((((Paulina))))))

I am so glad that you have found us and OMG I have sat here and cried and cried and cried in front of this monitor, Ya know sometimes well actually most of the time the feelings and emotions are the same here, or in the rooms...I can share more openly here than in the rooms, YET I know that for myself I need to speak up there also...I am so glad that you are here, I have really been struggleing lately NOT USING but in my recovery and I went to a f2f (face to face) meeting last night and I heard this guy say "If your not working your steps your not in recovery...""" Well OMG I am not in recovery so today I have decided to get back to the steps and a few other things...Hope that you stick around we need you and OH BTW if you ever need to talk I have ***** and msn messenger next to my name there just add me OK>>>KCB and we do care around here....

Love Vic

phoenixn

Hi Paulina. Take it from me that Nightmares like the one you are having can be awakened from. I've "found" myself homeless, jobless, marriageless, etc., numerous times. Several years before I finally stopped, I was diagnosed as a late-stage, chronic alcoholic, with the next stage being death. When I started going to meetings again for the umpteenth time, there was little I could do but sit there and cry, sometimes leaving the room to do it. If you can't share, then just sit there and observe. Go to lots of meetings, and you will likely find people who can help you one day at a time. DO NOT give up, even if it all seems hopeless. Yes, the pain of your addiction is very deep rooted, and you need to get to those roots and cut them out. There is help out there. Keep making effort, and leave no stone unturned. If not AA, then there are other solutions like the one I found. You WILL succeed.

Anna

Wow, Paulina, I have cried many tears too. I don't find it easy to share and I'm not an AA person. But, I have shared here at SR for a couple of years now and I have found that it is easy to share here. Of course we are all individuals, but we share such a strong bond. And, it's a bond that few 'normies' can understand. So, I feel at home here. I have been given caring and needed advice and sometimes I offer something too. Don't feel pressure. Just look around and get to know us. When you're ready to talk, we'll be here to listen.