What is Codependence/ & Patterns Of

Old 10-15-2005, 05:42 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
 
nytepassion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Lightbulb What is Codependence/ & Patterns Of

Codependence
"When Your 'Coping Mechanisms' Gets Out Of Control"
<!--EZCODE CENTER END-->

<!--EZCODE BOLD START--><!--EZCODE CENTER START-->



What is Co-dependence?


<!--EZCODE CENTER END--><!--EZCODE BOLD END-->


Like thousands of others caught in unhealthy relationships, perhaps, you're finally becoming desperate about the way things are going. Marriage to an alcoholic generates overwhelming emotions that are difficult to admit, even to oneself-anger, resentment, paralyzing fear, self-pity, and confusion. Alcoholic homes breed negative attitudes and behavior, and people and families are destroyed by what goes on there.

But other situations besides alcoholism cause similar feelings of helplessness. Living with an out-of-control child (who may be abusing drugs, sex, or alcohol), a chronically ill or terminally ill family member, a compulsive eater, spender, worker, or gambler, an abuser (physically, emotionally, or sexually), a sex addict, or a mentally disabled relative or close friend can produce the same confusion and despair.

Though some compulsions (like overeating or workaholism) may appear less destructive than alcoholism or drug addiction, people who love the overeater or workaholic can suffer as much damage as those related to alcoholic or addicts. The helplessness feels the same, regardless of the dysfunction.

Some people feel out of control and confused about their lives but can't understand why. Although their lives seem more or less normal, they find themselves overwhelmed when they shouldn't be, angry out of proportion to their experiences, depressed without identifiable reason. The compulsions mentioned above may not be occurring in their lives at the time, yet negative feelings persist.

Perhaps it's because one or more of those compulsive situations existed in their family of origin (the family in which they were raised). The effects are often handed down. Children who grew up in a family environment with addiction, compulsion, or abuse are profoundly affected as adults in ways many don't realize.

The increasing number of people in support organizations like Adult Children of Alcoholics indicates that emotions damaged in childhood don't go away if left unattended-they just go underground. Scenarios from the family of origin often repeat themselves in the adult lives of children who grew up there, despite those children's determination that "It will never happen to me."

One's childhood with an alcoholic, abusive, or emotionally neglectful parent shapes that person's self-image and expectation of "normal" family life. People move unthinkingly toward repeating (and trying to correct) what they have experienced, even when they believe something else would be better for them.

The increase of addiction and compulsivity in today's society has far-reaching and terrible effects. It has brought on an exponential increase in family problems, such as child abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual), addiction-induced financial collapse, loss of nurturing for children, loss of intimacy in marriages, pre- and extramarital affairs, and a host of other related difficulties.

But also, an unprecedented number of children have come out of those dysfunctional homes unable to relate to others in healthy ways. Thus the problems of addiction and its inevitable destructive consequences are multiplying at an alarming rate, and the resources for dealing with these problems are often inadequate and ineffective.

Patterns of Co-dependence

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.


Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.



Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.



Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.


Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

Borrowed from: <!--EZCODE AUTOLINK START-->www.tgsrm.org/Co-DependencySupport.html<!--EZCODE AUTOLINK END-->
nytepassion is offline  
Old 10-15-2005, 08:35 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
JessicaNAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
HUGE "recovering" CoDe here!!!
JessicaNAJ is offline  
Old 10-15-2005, 09:12 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: santa cruz, ca
Posts: 6
Forever Codie

Thanks for reminding me of how I felt when I started recovery, how I still feel and for the realization that I am no longer afraid of it. I'm so much stronger 2 years later - - - - at least now I know what I'm working with
1212 is offline  
Old 10-15-2005, 09:26 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
cwohio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
i don't identify with as many of those now as i did a year ago, thank God! thnks for the insightful post!
cwohio is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:40 AM.