rae

hello all im new to this place and experence. i dont have anyone around home to talk to and i dont want to go to meetings (its a really small town) so here goes.
ive known my A for a several years and we have been working together for 2. he has a big drinking problem has been trying to see his kids, had to go to CDC to see them but he was still drinkin. i came in about three mos ago to maybe help him. he has no one to talk to so i thought i could be there for him. everything relationship wise was going good he asked me to be his girlfriend and we went on dates ecept he was still drinkin. he got a dui about a month ago and no one to bail him out he had to stay in for 4 days. that really sobered him up plus he knew he was going to lose his job (our boss is a friend to both of us) he was going to lose his place (he lives on our bosses property) and lose me. so he decided to go to AA he has been to 3 meetings and had to get a sponser. well now this sponser tells my A that he has to dump me and do everthing on his own. with no friends (boss wont help) and without me i really think he is going to go back down. he is a really great guy. im not a codie or anything else i just want to help him. i dont know if i should leave him alone, fight with him that he cant do it alone and his sponser is nuts, or what im at a loss
any ideas
thanx
rae

FriendofBill

Hi Rae,



Welcome!



I would venture to say that if your not a codie, then you already have the answer. Dont get involed with somethng that isnt your business, and his recovery falls under that category.

Again, as your not a codie, you also know that its not up to you to decide he cant do it alone, and that fighting him on it, as you say, would not be a positive idea.

Cynay

Hi Rae and Weclome to SR... we are glad you found us.

Well... Im trying to figure out what/how to say things that could help you...

I thought my ex-abf was a nut too in the begining... in fact I thought it was nuts for an Alcoholic to counsel an Alcoholic. The story that my A gave me is not necessarily what his sponsor told him, Alcoholics tend to lie you see.

There are really good reasons for someone going through the program to listen to their sponsors, I have seen this at work and if they really want to be sober it will work for them. They have to focus all there time and attention on the program and their recovery and let me promise you in the first year that does not make for a happy relationship.

I know you said your not a codie.... but if not, why are you spending so much thought in trying to "fix" the situation for another person after only having dated them for 3 months? If he is telling you that he has to focus on his recovery why would you consider "fighting" for him. Why are you unwilling to go to Al-anon (I know its a small town) because that is one of the few places that you can go to and understand all this.

I dont mean to hurt... I know your down right now about this all, but let me tell you the only thing worse then living with a recovering Alcoholic is living with one in the throws of their addiction.

sunshinebluesky

well,i certainly am not an expert in the program process. actually,dont know all the ins and outs of it. but i would say, if you need to help--you need to be at alanon meetings. so what,if it is a small town?? he is in a program--whats the big secret? that would help you understand the processes aa uses,and help you to not become an enabler or co-dependent.as far as your relationship,no i dont really agree with the sponser telling him to ditch you totally--but that is HIS choice.and no one elses. not yours either,so dont fight about it. if he agrees with the sponser,its his decision.and you should abide by his wishes,not give him more grief.
just my two cents.