My First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Spartanburg, SC
Posts: 2
My First Post
First of all I want to say hello to everyone. I have been coming on here for quite a while and have been reading a lot of the posts. I have seen so many that mirror my situation at home. It amazes me that there are so many of us out there that are going about our daily lives and enduring what life throws at us and still keeping our sanity. Each day seems to bring about some kind of new problem or challenge that has to be dealt with. I have to admit that at times I do not handle the situations in the best way and cause myself more grief. But at least I do realize that I handled some of them wrong. But do I learn from the bad ones well I have to admit that I do not most of the time.
I guess I should tell a little about my situation. I have been with my AP for almost 10 years, quite a while for a relationship to last in my culture (best word I could think of) When I entered into this relationship I knew that the AP was a drinker but did not realize the extent till well into the second year. My AP and I have had only very short times when it was just the 2 of us without that 3rd person, you know the one that they become when they go on a drinking spree. We can be very good together during those few moments in time when its just us. When it is the 3 of us though it is a different story. I come from a long line of drinkers my mother and father were both alcoholics as was my aunt and uncle. I am lucky that I was spared the family curse as my grandmother called it. They say that it skips a generation so I guess it did or God just stepped in and said enough. I have a son that so far has no problems at all, I thank God for that...I have seen so many things in my childhood that are being repeated here in my present. It is the same old stories but instead of my parents it is now me and the AP. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't seek out an AP so that I could try and change what I could not with my parents, you know persuade them to just stop and be normal. I have been the controlling one in this relationship for most of the time that I have been in it. I am tired of being in that position because it is a losing battle. I have always been very independent and strong willed but I do need to learn that I can only take care of myself. Which for the most part of my life I have. I left home when I was 13 and have been on my own since.
I just wanted to take this first step and post a little bit which has turned into alot, sorry about that. Hope that what I have said doesnt sound like a lot of babbling. I have never been very good at getting stuff out and into words even with friends of mine. It feels kinda good to share a little bit here.
Thanks for listening. And to those of you whose posts that I have read you are in my prayers.
Thanks
Rick
I guess I should tell a little about my situation. I have been with my AP for almost 10 years, quite a while for a relationship to last in my culture (best word I could think of) When I entered into this relationship I knew that the AP was a drinker but did not realize the extent till well into the second year. My AP and I have had only very short times when it was just the 2 of us without that 3rd person, you know the one that they become when they go on a drinking spree. We can be very good together during those few moments in time when its just us. When it is the 3 of us though it is a different story. I come from a long line of drinkers my mother and father were both alcoholics as was my aunt and uncle. I am lucky that I was spared the family curse as my grandmother called it. They say that it skips a generation so I guess it did or God just stepped in and said enough. I have a son that so far has no problems at all, I thank God for that...I have seen so many things in my childhood that are being repeated here in my present. It is the same old stories but instead of my parents it is now me and the AP. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't seek out an AP so that I could try and change what I could not with my parents, you know persuade them to just stop and be normal. I have been the controlling one in this relationship for most of the time that I have been in it. I am tired of being in that position because it is a losing battle. I have always been very independent and strong willed but I do need to learn that I can only take care of myself. Which for the most part of my life I have. I left home when I was 13 and have been on my own since.
I just wanted to take this first step and post a little bit which has turned into alot, sorry about that. Hope that what I have said doesnt sound like a lot of babbling. I have never been very good at getting stuff out and into words even with friends of mine. It feels kinda good to share a little bit here.
Thanks for listening. And to those of you whose posts that I have read you are in my prayers.
Thanks
Rick
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Welcome to SR Rick
Keep reading and learning. You may want to check out Al Anon meetings in your area as well.
Can't change them or make them "normal"... they need want it and seek it for themself.
Need to start working on your space and keeping your space sane and at peace. There issues...there the one who needs find the solutions.
Keep reading and learning. You may want to check out Al Anon meetings in your area as well.
Can't change them or make them "normal"... they need want it and seek it for themself.
Need to start working on your space and keeping your space sane and at peace. There issues...there the one who needs find the solutions.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Hi there Rick and welcome to SR! You've found a great place here - it's saved my bacon more times than I care to remember.
Check out the sticky posts at the top of the forum and the nar-anon one too. They are a great place to start.
Codependent no more by Melody Beattie is a great book if you can get hold of a copy - when I first read it, I wondered how on earth she knew me.
That is the most insightful sentence I have EVER read in a first post. My Mum had past natal depression after my brother was born and was ill for quite a few years when I was a child, including long periods of hospitalisation. I know now that I was trying to heal her through my relationship with the alcoholic in my life. Funny how our minds work, eh?
Look forward to getting to know you.
Check out the sticky posts at the top of the forum and the nar-anon one too. They are a great place to start.
Codependent no more by Melody Beattie is a great book if you can get hold of a copy - when I first read it, I wondered how on earth she knew me.
Sometimes I wonder if I didn't seek out an AP so that I could try and change what I could not with my parents, you know persuade them to just stop and be normal.
Look forward to getting to know you.
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
Welcome Ricky!! Sr is a great place to find support and understanding. You mentioned that you are very controlling. There is a saying around here: You didn't cause it, You can't control it, You can't cure it. I think I got it right! Well any way, I also came from a long line of alcoholics. These are patterns that many of us have taken into adulthood. I to have trouble asking for help but after awhile it gets easier. Never worry about babbling we all do it sometimes.Keep coming back let us get to know you and you us. Take Care, Kerry
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((Rick))))
Welcome!! Your words seem pretty clear to me. I think one of the hardest things in being in a relationship with an A is to keep our boundries.Which means where I end and you begin is clearly defined. For those of us who asume caretaking roles these boundries can become very fuzzy.
I think making it clear to my H that he must take responsibility for his own stuff helped me and him so much. If we keep cleaning up their messes they won't suffer any consequences for their actions and the cycle is more likely to continue.
I think it is good that you are aware that you try to control the situation. So what are you going to change about that?
Welcome!! Your words seem pretty clear to me. I think one of the hardest things in being in a relationship with an A is to keep our boundries.Which means where I end and you begin is clearly defined. For those of us who asume caretaking roles these boundries can become very fuzzy.
I think making it clear to my H that he must take responsibility for his own stuff helped me and him so much. If we keep cleaning up their messes they won't suffer any consequences for their actions and the cycle is more likely to continue.
I think it is good that you are aware that you try to control the situation. So what are you going to change about that?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
welcome ricky - this site and the people on it have helped me thru the good, the bad and the ugly! you might consider looking into al-anon. you sound like you at least have a grip on some of the behaviors that it took many of us a while to see in ourselves. keep coming back, read and post. we'll be here to listen and share!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Carrollton, Texas
Posts: 218
Welcome aboard Ricky. You will find some wonderful people here that are more than willing...happy even...to walk your path with you and hold you up when you are feeling your weakest. Hugs to you dear..may you find an inner peace soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Hi Rick,
It is amazing there are so many of us in similar shoes. At least we have strength in numbers! 
And it's great to have understanding people to share with. Welcome! -- TG
Originally Posted by Ricky583
It amazes me that there are so many of us out there that are going about our daily lives and enduring what life throws at us and still keeping our sanity.
And it's great to have understanding people to share with. Welcome! -- TG
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