TexasGirl

My H is a real estate agent (his mom is too). They asked me to get my real estate license so that I could help them out when they are busy, and his mom paid for it. I wasn't too interested in it, but I can't exactly tell my MIL no. So now I have it. My H is constantly telling me that I need to do more to help our family financially, and that I need to help him with his business, that I need to get him listings, that he can't do it alone. But I have a 40-hour-per-week job, Monday - Friday, 8 - 5. I don't know if he's being overly-demanding on me, or if I am just completely resistant to what he's telling me, so I'm asking y'alls opinions. Be honest with me please. I just don't feel like I should have to spend my two days off (Sat & Sun) working. He has so much flexibility in his job, like today for example, he's not working today (he has an excuse for that, but it's only half valid...his cell phone isn't working, so he went to the closest "big city" to get it fixed, but I noticed a 12-pack of beer and a buddy went with him). I've told him that I don't mind helping in the event that he has two sets of clients that need to see a house at the same time one day, but that I think that if he can accommodate both of them at different times, I think he should try that. He gets so mad at me and tells me that I'm lazy. Then he constantly throws it in my face that he makes 2 - 3 times what I do. Last night, I came home super-tired from showing a house for 2 1/2 hours (he was required to be at the office for phone duty when they wanted to look so I didn't totally mind), and he was inviting people over for dinner. I didn't feel like company, so I told him nicely, "In the future, please be considerate of me and ask me first if I would mind company. This is half my house too." He shot back, "Do you make any of the house payments????" He CONSTANTLY holds it over my head that I don't make that much. Or when we were painting the house, I picked out a color I liked, and he told me that when I paid for the house, I could decide what color to paint, and that we were doing it his way, and that I didn't have any taste anyway. But I see his point a little...sometimes he does work 50 or 60-hour weeks. But not very often. Should I help out more? Am I being lazy? Please, tell me the honest truth. I trust you guys.

minnie

Honest truth? I think he's a bully.

gelfling

I stayed home with our son and of course, the business world passed me by. I tried for several years to get a job, but the cuties right out of high school always got them. I've yet to meet a potentional employer who wants his mother working with him.

After listening that he was the breadwinner and how tight money was I told him I'd keep looking (after having sent out over 75 resumes and going on about 20 interviews). When and if I ever got a job, he was going to have to help around the house. Cleaning, cooking, etc. etc. That shut him up. He likes the hot meals everyday and the clean house.

Another time when he was whining, I told him that he was the breadwinner and it was his responsibility to take care of bring home the proverbial bacon. It was (talking about the dark ages) my responsibility to take care of the house. That added a little to his ego.

My response for your husband would be...remember, this is me talking and not for you to consider as the right answer for YOU. I'd tell him I'd quit my other job and then I'd be able to put more time into the family business.

Sometimes, you're damned if you and damned if you don't. Don't run yourself down physically. And if he talks about how much he makes and about the house, remind him that your name is also on the deed. Keep track of how you use your money toward your home and point that out to him.

reader

I aggree with Minnie!! He is running you down. Your work is valid regardless of how much you earn. He is being very mean spirited and controlling. To be mean over paint, please. If it was me, I would nip this kinda behavior in bud. It usually only gets worse. Only you know your H and his temper, so follow ur heart. Take Care, Kerry

GettingBy

That would have me walking out the door. I'm sorry, but I don't care how much each person contributes to the family kitty... all should share equally, unless you've agreed otherwise. I make twice what my husband makes and I would never dream of holding that over his head. We both contribute to the household in our own individual ways, each of us doing the best that we can to get things taken care of.

I wonder how your H would feel if the shoe was on the other foot? And you got to tell him his opinion didn't matter, because he didn't make enough? Just a thought.

TexasGirl

Thank you for your thoughts. Honestly, I can't even tell when I'm being irrational or when he's being irrational anymore. The line keeps getting blurrier!!! I know that each of us should be willing to help each other out, but to what extent, I don't know. I have NO CLUE what normal is!!!