Just need to vent...

Old 10-03-2005, 07:43 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 82
Just need to vent...

My AH relapsed after 9 months sober. The drinking wasn't the part that hurt - it was the lying (oh, and driving our cars intoxicated). My AH has always been a "lucky" drunk and rarely has serious consequences from work, etc. This time appears to be the exception and he wants to blame everyone except himself. I called him on it morning (I got tired of hearing about how everyone was ganging up on him and he had done nothing to deserve this) and he got upset because I was "yelling" at him (actually, I never even got upset or raised my voice). Here's what I am really ticked about:
(1) He decided on his own volition to stop taking his anti-depressants. He's self medicated in the past (i.e. started/stopped meds without consulting his doctor) and it's been disasterous. We've talked about this in the past and he said he would stop doing it, yet when it comes right down to it, he does whatever he wants. Just prior to his relapse he even order prescription meds online to the tune of several hundred dollars! (I've since taken him off of our credit cards, so he can't repeat this.) And last night, he said he was going to stop taking one of his meds without consulting his doctor. $@#!%@#!
(2) The day he relapsed, he happened to also have an appointment with his psychiatrist and his Dr. tested him for bipolar. My AH was intoxicated, so not surpringly, the test results were probably skewed. The Dr. put him on bipolar medicine based on the test results.
(3) Two days after my AH relapsed, he had to go out of town for two weeks for training for work. My AH was completely bottomed out with depression and guilt and was far from his normal self. My AH asked me to call his primary doctor and find out if there is anything he could do. The dr. said he should come home. My AH opted not to. My AH's psychiatristic called in a prescription for his anti-depressant to help ease the transition to the bipolar meds and, after only one day, that seemed to help balance him out. Well, for the two days that he was unbalanced, let's just say he had a tought time at the training and his immediate supervisor asked him to go home until he felt better. My AH explained the medicine situation to his supervisor and now the HR department wants to have a doctor check him out to see if he should be on disability or if he is able to work (my AH wants to work and thinks everything is being blown out of proportion).

So, I'm a little angry. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding, but what the #$^%&*! He screwed up taking the bipolar test while drunk, he was the one who refused to listen to his doctor about coming home...but, now he thinks that everyone is ganging up on him?? He's not taking any responsibility for his actions - he couldn't control the effects of the medicine, I get that, but he could control his decision not to work his AA program and all that led up to his relapse. He's giving me lip service: "I know I screwed up," but it doesn't seem like he really believes that. How can he seriously think that all this is happening becuase one person in his training program doesn't like him??? He got fired from his last job (before the 9 months of sobriety) because of his drinking and he thought everyone was ganging up on him then too! You've got to be kidding me! He stopped going to AA meetings several months before his relapse because he had a "valid" excuse every time. I'm really tired of the excuses and the poor-me attitude. I just want to scream!! So, thanks for letting me vent.
Veronica is offline  
Old 10-03-2005, 08:05 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Awaiting Email Confirmation
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: La-La-Land
Posts: 50
(((Veronica)))
If it makes you feel any better- I swear I could have written that thread! Same story for me! AH also relapsed around 8 1/2 months- has been let go of jobs from his craziness- also refused to take meds as prescribed for depression/ bi-polar. He knows best and the whole world is against him. He messes up and somehow I am to blame.

My words for you... you are NOT the blame! You can not be rational with a person who is irrational. I know you are frustrated and probably at your wits end but you can not do anything about his behaviors or actions. You did not make him drink- it was HIS choice. For many people who need to be on these meds it is HORRIBLE when they self-medicate. My AH thought he was so smart and didn't need the meds, counseling or AA. He even claims he is happy, truly happy even though I think he is miserable. I guess I have to let go and realize that maybe he is happy with this kind of life- not the one I want- and that is something I can control. He admits he should be on these drugs but he never stays on them- all part of the illness.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I can feel your pain. Please take care of yourself!
take2 is offline  
Old 10-03-2005, 09:01 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
1000 Post Club
 
FriendofBill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Relapse in alcoholism isnt just taking a drink.

Its lying.
Its blaming.
Its being a victim
Its deception
Its anger
Its resentment

So, you see..if he is in relapse, he is in FULL relapse. There should be no surprise that he is behaving this way.

Alcoholics do what alcoholics do.
FriendofBill is offline  
Old 10-03-2005, 10:04 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: SE Ontario
Posts: 10
Hi Veronica ... much of your frustrations with your partner are singing my song. Especially the part about "everyone elses fault" and using mine or others behavior to justify his own failures to follow through and be accountable and responsible for those things that effect others lives. Promises and commitments that decided me to make major life changing and moving decisions ... only to find out they meant pffffffffffft and I've been abandonned to trying to leave but without the supports and resources I had to relinquish to move in with him.

I'm feeling pretty upset all round, and stuck. I wasn't very smart to get into this involved a relationship, but there you go. I'm in, want out, and I'm basically on my own kid in trying to make that happen. Booze is the main problem as it colours everything else of his life ... and I believed his words and promises when I should not have. My bad decision. Can't do a relationship or your own life well when the partner you're dependent on to work with ... doesn't work with, but against, you eh? Argh.

I've started to really like whiskey now too. Hmmmm ...

I just wanted to ventilate a little bit too folks. Life without booze can be hard enough to work together ... but with booze or other addictions that rule, well ... pretty nigh impossible ... living in unpredictable chaos is not good for me or anyone I know.

Good luck with all your own situations ... and I wish clear and wise thinking and decision making on all of you ... on me too
PW54 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:30 AM.