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Found another Vodka Bottle

Old 09-30-2005, 06:24 PM
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Found another Vodka Bottle

Hello Everyone! I haven't written in over a month since school started! My husband has been living with his mother for almost two years now because of the drinking and adultry. I allow him to visit us (my two daughters and myself). Two weekends ago, while he was visiting, he was acting very oddly and I mentioned to him that I was concerned that he might have driven here while drinking. He denied it. Well, I know I shouldn't have, but I did go and check his car. I found a bottle of Vodka in his engine. Then last weekend, he asked if he could come back and promised to be sober. Feeling bad for him, I said alright. When he arrived, I thought I could smell alcohol, but he denied it. About a half an hour later, my 12 year old daughter came in from outside and told me that she found a bottle of Vodka in the bush near his car. She was so afraid that the friend she was playing with would spot it! She quickly ran back out and retrieved the bottle. She showed it to her father and he told her it wasn't his. I felt so bad for her as he made her feel like she had done something wrong. I told him that he was not going to come here and put us under anymore stress. He did end up admitting that he did put the bottle there. I asked him to leave and to not contact us for quite awhile.
I'm so afraid that I am hurting the girls by not allowing him here. I just feel that he will never stop drinking. He did go to rehab over a year ago, but within a month of his release, he was back to drinking. He does not attend AA anymore because he says it doesn't do anything for him. He has had his medical license taken away and I feel that nothing is going to stop him from drinking. My thought is that if I cut him off from us, maybe he will realize that even his family has had enough. Am I doing the right thing? My daughters (ages 9 and 12) have seen so much for their young ages. They tell me that they understand my decision, but I worry that maybe they are just trying to say what they think I want them to say. They say it is more peaceful when he isn't here. But they always add they wish he didn't drink. Please share your wisdom with me and let me know if there is a better way. I do attend Al-anon and open AA meetings. I'm always told that they can't give me advice, just support. Please share your life experiences with me so that maybe I can hear something that helps to lift this pressure off of my brain! Thanks so much!
SuzieA
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Old 09-30-2005, 06:42 PM
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suziea - you might want to post on the friends and family link! lots of support here and great folks!!!

hugs - christie
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Old 10-01-2005, 01:18 AM
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Hi there Suzie - cwohio makes a good suggestion. Come down and see us in the Friends and Family section. There's always a chair free and the coffee's pretty good too.
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Old 10-01-2005, 02:07 AM
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Hey keep strong.. :hug Stefanie
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Old 10-01-2005, 06:39 AM
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Suzie, my heart goes out to you. I feel you are doing the right thing in trying to protect your girls from witnessing their father and his drinking. You can't make him stop, you are powerless over that as I'm sure you know but you are taking measure to protect yourself and your children from having to witness this and I commend you for that. Will it make him stop, who knows? But in the meantime it removes you somewhat from the hell of his active drinking.

I wish I had more to impart but you are in my thoughts,
Kellye
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Old 10-01-2005, 10:03 AM
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He has had his medical license taken away and I feel that nothing is going to stop him from drinking.
If your children's father had a medical license which was revoked, then he knows doubly about the dangers of what he is doing. It's not like he is an uneducated drunk living in the streets, oblivious to what he is doing.

I believe he will have to hit rock bottom by himself. If this means you must cut yourself off from him, then so be it. Do you ever watch that show "Intervention"? The family members of the addict must literally address the addict and let them know, that if they don't seek help this very minute, that the addict will no longer have the family to turn to. And the family must be united and actually go forward with shutting off all communication with the addict. Sometimes the addict agrees with the intervention and goes to treatment, sometimes they say "Hell no!" and walk away from the intervention. However, at that point, when the addict realizes they no longer have any friends or family to lean on for whatever support they need, be it financial, emotional, etc., they realize this is the time they must help themselves. If they truly want the love and support from their family and friends, they go to rehab. I think this is the point most addicts have to reach before they will climb out of the garbage can.

We had a doctor in residency in the ER I worked who refused to quit smoking pot. Everyone knew he smoked dope and they continually let him go on with his residency. No one knew if he was under the influence or not when he was treating patients. However, his work reflected that he was using..he didn't complete assignments and didn't show up for necessary meetings, and finally, after several repeated warnings, he was kicked out of the program. The ER told him, much like an intervention, you either straighten up or you're out of our program! He chose not to straighten up, so they made good on their promise. This is what family and friends have to do also.

It's called Tough Love. It works.

Hope this helps.
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Old 10-01-2005, 11:44 AM
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[QUOTE=New2Sobriety]If your children's father had a medical license which was revoked, then he knows doubly about the dangers of what he is doing. It's not like he is an uneducated drunk living in the streets, oblivious to what he is doing.

I thinik it doesn't matter how educated you are or whether you are a drunk living in the streets, or Howard Hughes shooting up in your hotel penthouse. This is a disease we are talking about, a compulsion. After a certain point nothing is going to help: not education, not money, not the pleadings of your distraught family.

Tough love might be necessary, but education doesn't amount to a hill of beans as a ******** against this disease.

Jup.
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Old 10-01-2005, 11:59 AM
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So you think he is oblivious to what he's doing, then? Or that his education has not enlightened him more about the dangers and repercussions of the disease more than an uneducated person? You think he has the same level of insight regarding alcoholism as a person who has never been formerly educated regarding the adverse effects of alcohol?
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Old 10-01-2005, 01:51 PM
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Thank you for your responses! I was taught early in my life that no matter how educated someone is, if they have the Gene or allergy (Whatever it is) to alcohol, they cannot escape its grasp if they drink. My uncle was a famous pathologist in Chicago and went to the Betty Ford Rehab numerous times, and still ended up drinking himself to death. My AH is very bright and knows all of the medical background on alcohol and its dangers. It just took over his brain - every cell of his body! Because alcoholism is on both sides of my family, I have feared my entire life that I may have the potential of being an alcoholic. I have never taken a drink of alcohol and never will - I don't want to find out if I could be one! I pray my daughters follow my path and not their fathers!!!!
I do hope that by telling my AH that he will have no contact with us for many months will do something to get him to examine his choices. I told him to look long and hard at his daughters because many changes will take place the next time he sees them. I can't imagine being away from my family through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. I hope he realizes that the bottle isn't everything and is capable of beating the odds and getting sober and faithful!!!!!!!
I told him it is like he is going off to war - to fight this evil devil that has taken over his life. I pray he is strong enough to come out on top! Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Suzie
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