The gifts our parents gave us...
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
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The gifts our parents gave us...
In a meeting today the chair asked us to think what gifts we had received from our parents. My mind flooded with many negative behaivours and damages that i had received but to focus on the postive gifts was harder. coming from an abusive home i often felt i was a direct result of alcoholism, abuse and misery. seeing the love and the good makes me feel fuller on who i am. the inconsistency at having so much love and hatred, so many positive gifts tainted by negative ones makes a very muddled me. but having spent so much time analysing the pain and hurt i can forget the good stuff.
i feel that a lot of the aspects of myself that are postive and learnt while growing up have negative attachments that ache to be expressed so as not to let a false image of my parents be created, the world must know their wrongdoings as well. perhaps it is best to be balanced and acknowledge the bad and the good for they both made us who we are. if this still stirs up the anger and resentment for me i know i can leave this.
From my mother I gained intuition, appreciation of beauty, courage, creativity and a deep love for all music and singing talent. I learnt how to cook, especially cakes and pastries and the power of a nurturing hug. Thinking of my father I was blank for I could only think abuse but courageously I say that I did receive the gift of imagination, the awareness of the wider world and playfulness from him. I also received music and knowledge from both parents, I received a strong literary mind and a social compassion for those less fortunate.
Much of what I learnt from my parents was to be NOT what they were. And yet it was only in recovery I could stop negative patterns and reinforce the positive consistent and healthy loving behaviours. Yet I wanted to keep a postive element to my piece.
So, what gifts did your parents give you?
i feel that a lot of the aspects of myself that are postive and learnt while growing up have negative attachments that ache to be expressed so as not to let a false image of my parents be created, the world must know their wrongdoings as well. perhaps it is best to be balanced and acknowledge the bad and the good for they both made us who we are. if this still stirs up the anger and resentment for me i know i can leave this.
From my mother I gained intuition, appreciation of beauty, courage, creativity and a deep love for all music and singing talent. I learnt how to cook, especially cakes and pastries and the power of a nurturing hug. Thinking of my father I was blank for I could only think abuse but courageously I say that I did receive the gift of imagination, the awareness of the wider world and playfulness from him. I also received music and knowledge from both parents, I received a strong literary mind and a social compassion for those less fortunate.
Much of what I learnt from my parents was to be NOT what they were. And yet it was only in recovery I could stop negative patterns and reinforce the positive consistent and healthy loving behaviours. Yet I wanted to keep a postive element to my piece.
So, what gifts did your parents give you?
Beyond the Ninth Wave
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 107
This is too spooky - yesterday I'd been praying this very topic would show up as a thread & here it is! Thank you!
My mother gave me many wonderful gifts. Yes, what you say is true; many of them were an outgrowth of the home environment she created through her choices, but recently it occurred to me to ask myself if I'd be willing to relinquish the gifts in exchange for having had a better, sober mother. The answer was no.
She gave me a love of music, an appreciation for beautiful things; art, interior design, performing arts, fashion, architecture, etc.
She gave me an appreciation of heritage.
She gave me an appreciation for, love & respect of animals.
She taught me that racism is evil & is to be diligently rooted out of one's spirit.
She taught me to love Nature.
She encouraged, nurtured & helped develop my sense of humor.
She taught me about sex in an open, healthy way & explained things to me in ways I could understand.
She taught me how to take care of my skin, hair, how to do make-up.
She gave me the ability to be independent.
She gave me the ability to see through peoples' BS in a nano-second.
Through the home she created, she gave me the ability to accurately & instantly assess the safety or danger of any situation.
She gave me the vision of how I did not want to live my life & secondary to that, the inspiration to build myself a foundation that would ensure I wouldn't.
She gave me an allergy to alcohol for which I could never thank her enough in this & future lifetimes.
She gave me the perfect homelife to begin my soul work.
She gave me life. As painful as it has been much of the time, I breathe air because of her & for that I'm so grateful.
What a great thread.
My mother gave me many wonderful gifts. Yes, what you say is true; many of them were an outgrowth of the home environment she created through her choices, but recently it occurred to me to ask myself if I'd be willing to relinquish the gifts in exchange for having had a better, sober mother. The answer was no.
She gave me a love of music, an appreciation for beautiful things; art, interior design, performing arts, fashion, architecture, etc.
She gave me an appreciation of heritage.
She gave me an appreciation for, love & respect of animals.
She taught me that racism is evil & is to be diligently rooted out of one's spirit.
She taught me to love Nature.
She encouraged, nurtured & helped develop my sense of humor.
She taught me about sex in an open, healthy way & explained things to me in ways I could understand.
She taught me how to take care of my skin, hair, how to do make-up.
She gave me the ability to be independent.
She gave me the ability to see through peoples' BS in a nano-second.
Through the home she created, she gave me the ability to accurately & instantly assess the safety or danger of any situation.
She gave me the vision of how I did not want to live my life & secondary to that, the inspiration to build myself a foundation that would ensure I wouldn't.
She gave me an allergy to alcohol for which I could never thank her enough in this & future lifetimes.
She gave me the perfect homelife to begin my soul work.
She gave me life. As painful as it has been much of the time, I breathe air because of her & for that I'm so grateful.
What a great thread.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 206
I think this is a remarkable thread........one that stirs up much thought......and hopefully one day I will be able to answer the question.
Neasa, this particular gift you mentioned brought tears to my eyes because it is so very true.
Hopefully some day soon I will have a list of my gifts from my parents to share here.........again, a remarkable thread........thank you for this!!
She gave me life. As painful as it has been much of the time, I breathe air because of her & for that I'm so grateful.
Hopefully some day soon I will have a list of my gifts from my parents to share here.........again, a remarkable thread........thank you for this!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 81
Mom
Independance: Though she is quite controlling, she taught me how to make it on my own.
Love: My mom taught me unconditional love. I love her even with her problems. She taught me to see the good within the bad.
Dad
Positive attitude: My dad has MS and he has never let him get him down. He has taught me that attitude is everything.
Dreams: He always believed in my dreams. He thinks I can do anything. He gave me the abilty to know I can.
Stepdad
A non-recovering ACA, he has allowed me to see the hurt I can cause others, even without a chemical dependancy. On a more positive note, he always laughed with me. We have the same quirky sense of humor.
This is a great topic. Very theraputic. Thank you for letting me share, I may add more later.
Independance: Though she is quite controlling, she taught me how to make it on my own.
Love: My mom taught me unconditional love. I love her even with her problems. She taught me to see the good within the bad.
Dad
Positive attitude: My dad has MS and he has never let him get him down. He has taught me that attitude is everything.
Dreams: He always believed in my dreams. He thinks I can do anything. He gave me the abilty to know I can.
Stepdad
A non-recovering ACA, he has allowed me to see the hurt I can cause others, even without a chemical dependancy. On a more positive note, he always laughed with me. We have the same quirky sense of humor.
This is a great topic. Very theraputic. Thank you for letting me share, I may add more later.
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