I feel like I'm slowly dyin'
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
I feel like I'm slowly dyin'
Man....Things went so wrong last month that for now I feel like i'm gonna die...Didn't eat very well last weeks...Drank a lot...Made some fights and the least I can say is that everywhere I came I made a big fuss...Didn't saw no money at all becos the new girlfriend of my ex made it a sport to wipe away all the traces of me..And so she also took my post what made that I didn't had the invitation I should have to get my money... (ok my parents helped me...Now today things are worse...I can't get out of the house to even get some catfood cos I lost my key I should go outside too to get the papers for the money back in place...And I look like hell...but anyway I'm prepared to stop the boozin' cos I know it makes things worse...O.K...I'm gonna make some cofee now (at least I still got some cofee)And I will keep on surfing on SR until somebody comes to rescue me (probably the neighbour who can maybe make a new key tomorow)she f****ing didn't came home last night...Anyhow I'm now elliminated from almost everything they even gonna shut my bankacount if I don't get everything again in place as soon as possible...But I rather keep dyin' here than that I go outside and start boozin again....Love from Stefanie
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Keep trying Stefanie
You will make it.
Keep doing what doesn't work or keep trying what does work...
You are learning the results that come from each effort.
I know you can do it. Good to see you are dusting off and trying again.
You will make it.
Keep doing what doesn't work or keep trying what does work...
You are learning the results that come from each effort.
I know you can do it. Good to see you are dusting off and trying again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by ARIES
I'm prepared to stop the boozin' cos I know it makes things worse
That's the first step towards slowly livin'...
instead of slowly dyin'.
Keep moving in the right direction.
Glad to see you back.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by lulu70
(((((((((Stefanie))))))))))) Just wanted to let you know I am adding you to my prayer list. Hang in there, hon'. We're here for you....
Hugs--
Hugs--
Getting Restored To Sanity
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 179
Keep writing. And, keep sober. You can do it. You are worth it. Misery will leave you and you will feel a little better each day. Hey, you got cat food now, something good happened. Stay sober and see how much more good can come about. I am sure you will be a happy as the cat very shortly.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Even was walking in my bare but this weeks..Lost my shoes ...Got some new from friends...Lost them again..Walked a lot barefoot last weeks...Lost key..Got a new one..Lost it again...wanted to drown myself in the sea but even the sea didn't want me and spitted me out ...Hurt my ankle with it and it is still very thick and full with water...Clothes where ripped several times ...I still didn't wash myself for a week...Didn't had my period this month..(never had skiped a month in all my f***ing life)I'm cryin now but only to get back up again and face life without any fear...My bed is a mess and so is my appartment...Now I'm talkin bout the things I remember...But most of the times I had a f***ing black out...Sorry for using such strong language...But my life comes on so strong to me....But I did it before...So I'm very sure I can do it again...Another clean up time again...I hope this all don't sound like selfpity...But I'm using this writing as a kind of mirror just to watch me slowly rising...Jumped in the fountain...Shoutin' around ...Spitting to people ...Falling...Fighting...I don't want to...I decided I want to live....Anyhow I hope the neighbour comes home today cos I'm realy depending on her...Cos I lost my key 3 times this month...And realy can't ask it to the landlord nomore...I only live here 2 Months...can come in by kickin open the door ...But the neighbours are starting to see it and I think I will get in deeper **** than I'm already in if I keep doin' so...I realy hope she comes home tonight...cos I feel like a prisoner in my own house...I realy hope I can go out tomorow to get my pasport and papers back in order so I can get the money one of these weeks...Anyhow I stop this crap now and keep on reading....Love from Stefanie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Stefanie,
It's easy to get caught up in the chaos and feel trapped in it. Just take one day at a time and it will get better. Your head will clear and you will be able to take control of your life again. Sometimes it seems that it is easier to drink, but look at all the chaos and upheaval it has caused you. I had a relapse and went on a two day bender last week. It's surprising how fast my life can deteriorate when I pick up that first drink. But a week later and I am feeling great! Am still experiencing night sweats and tinges of anxiety. But at this moment right now, I feel awesome!! I hope and pray you can find this too. IT IS POSSIBLE. Never too late to start a new life, sweetheart!!!
Kathy
It's easy to get caught up in the chaos and feel trapped in it. Just take one day at a time and it will get better. Your head will clear and you will be able to take control of your life again. Sometimes it seems that it is easier to drink, but look at all the chaos and upheaval it has caused you. I had a relapse and went on a two day bender last week. It's surprising how fast my life can deteriorate when I pick up that first drink. But a week later and I am feeling great! Am still experiencing night sweats and tinges of anxiety. But at this moment right now, I feel awesome!! I hope and pray you can find this too. IT IS POSSIBLE. Never too late to start a new life, sweetheart!!!
Kathy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 72
Stefanie...
You sound so strange....I don't know another word to describe my impression after reading your posts.
Don't you have anyone nearby that can help you? Why are you holed up in an apartment and not leaving? I guess I'm not understanding why it has to be as bad as you say?
Forgive me if I'm not getting what you're trying to say here. I just don't understand why you would be a prisoner in an apartment and why, if it's so bad, you can't get help in some way?
You sound so strange....I don't know another word to describe my impression after reading your posts.
Don't you have anyone nearby that can help you? Why are you holed up in an apartment and not leaving? I guess I'm not understanding why it has to be as bad as you say?
Forgive me if I'm not getting what you're trying to say here. I just don't understand why you would be a prisoner in an apartment and why, if it's so bad, you can't get help in some way?
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by New2Sobriety
Stefanie...
You sound so strange....I don't know another word to describe my impression after reading your posts.
Don't you have anyone nearby that can help you? Why are you holed up in an apartment and not leaving? I guess I'm not understanding why it has to be as bad as you say?
Forgive me if I'm not getting what you're trying to say here. I just don't understand why you would be a prisoner in an apartment and why, if it's so bad, you can't get help in some way?
You sound so strange....I don't know another word to describe my impression after reading your posts.
Don't you have anyone nearby that can help you? Why are you holed up in an apartment and not leaving? I guess I'm not understanding why it has to be as bad as you say?
Forgive me if I'm not getting what you're trying to say here. I just don't understand why you would be a prisoner in an apartment and why, if it's so bad, you can't get help in some way?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
Aries, I have to agree with New2Sobriety. You apparently need a lot of help and you need it now. Maybe it would not be so bad to have the police find you. Perhaps they could get you into a treatment center so you could get some food and meds and generally get cleaned up and get some rest. If they don't find you can you seek out help on your own? Good wishes to you.
Mailyn
Mailyn
Red Hot Chili Pepper
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Jefferson --a State of Mind
Posts: 153
Honey, just take a big huge breath and do the next right thing. That's all any of us can do. I'm in pain just reading your posts. Big breath. Relax for two seconds and stay in the moment.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 72
Again, I re-iterate. Why aren't you calling for help? You know you're in a terrible position but refuse to take a step forward and save yourself? Pity from others can only go so far. There comes a time when YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF!
You're obviously crying out for help to us. Now make the call and cry to the people who can help you.
You've got to cleaned up and get your thinking straight. You were not put on this planet to be miserable. You were put here to enjoy all the abundance of life. We all are here for that reason.
Now when are you going to do the right thing and then come back and tell us that you did? Give up trying to go on like this. Give it up right now, dry your tears, and start living like you are supposed to live. You obviously have a telephone. Now make the call you need to make.
Take this life and make it yours.
You're obviously crying out for help to us. Now make the call and cry to the people who can help you.
You've got to cleaned up and get your thinking straight. You were not put on this planet to be miserable. You were put here to enjoy all the abundance of life. We all are here for that reason.
Now when are you going to do the right thing and then come back and tell us that you did? Give up trying to go on like this. Give it up right now, dry your tears, and start living like you are supposed to live. You obviously have a telephone. Now make the call you need to make.
Take this life and make it yours.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Thanks all very much..But All I can do right now is stayin in front of my computer and stay sober...Or maybe later watch some television....Thanks all for bein' here...I'm so frightned of the future
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 72
That's ridiculous. Your landlord wants you out. The cops are looking for you. And you're going to stay in front of the computer and watch television?
Like I said, pity only goes so far.
Good luck to you. Hope you wake up sooner than later.
Like I said, pity only goes so far.
Good luck to you. Hope you wake up sooner than later.
I choose to live
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Antwerp (Belgium)
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by New2Sobriety
Again, I re-iterate. Why aren't you calling for help? You know you're in a terrible position but refuse to take a step forward and save yourself? Pity from others can only go so far. There comes a time when YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF!
You're obviously crying out for help to us. Now make the call and cry to the people who can help you.
You've got to cleaned up and get your thinking straight. You were not put on this planet to be miserable. You were put here to enjoy all the abundance of life. We all are here for that reason.
Now when are you going to do the right thing and then come back and tell us that you did? Give up trying to go on like this. Give it up right now, dry your tears, and start living like you are supposed to live. You obviously have a telephone. Now make the call you need to make.
Take this life and make it yours.
You're obviously crying out for help to us. Now make the call and cry to the people who can help you.
You've got to cleaned up and get your thinking straight. You were not put on this planet to be miserable. You were put here to enjoy all the abundance of life. We all are here for that reason.
Now when are you going to do the right thing and then come back and tell us that you did? Give up trying to go on like this. Give it up right now, dry your tears, and start living like you are supposed to live. You obviously have a telephone. Now make the call you need to make.
Take this life and make it yours.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 72
The only reason I have friends and family now is because I gave up trying to live a life of drugs and abuse. People give up on you when you're not willing to help yourself.
And, I would suggest not calling, but going to a hospital right now. You need to detox and that is what you have to tell them. Meanwhile, they will help you in your social picture too. They will help you get support and services that do not come from friends or family. You can begin to rebuild your life if you will take the help they will offer you.
Haven't you hit rock bottom yet, or do you want to go even further down before you get the help you need? Isn't this miserable enough for you, or do you need more?
And, I would suggest not calling, but going to a hospital right now. You need to detox and that is what you have to tell them. Meanwhile, they will help you in your social picture too. They will help you get support and services that do not come from friends or family. You can begin to rebuild your life if you will take the help they will offer you.
Haven't you hit rock bottom yet, or do you want to go even further down before you get the help you need? Isn't this miserable enough for you, or do you need more?
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