Alcoholic sister
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1
Alcoholic sister
Hi all, I'm new here. My younger sister (21) has been struggling with addictions for a couple years. Lately, it's just alcohol. She's tried AA several times, but something always goes wrong and she ends up back at square one. She's lost a lot of friends as a result of her addictions, and she never wants to burden our parents with her troubles, so I am ALWAYS the only person she feels like she can talk to about everything. And she'll call me when she's at rock bottom. And I feel like I have to continue to be there for her, because what will she do if no one is there for her? But it KILLS me to listen to how much she's hurting, and how much she's hurting herself. And then I feel like I'm the end of the line, and that there's no one for me to talk to, because this disease is really hurting me too. And I really start to resent that she always has me there to dump her problems on, and then I'm just stuck with them. I'm just feeling guilty that I don't want to be her sole confidante and support anymore, because I'm her big sister and it's always been my job to be there for her and fix her troubles. Anyone have any advice or similar experiences? Any input is much appreciated! 
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Welcome to SR
Your not alone.
Many are in your shoes and know just what you are going through.
Many will be around with answers to your questions. Check back often.
You may want to read the sticky posts at the top of the thread.
Codependant no more is an excellent book. It will hold many answers for you.
You may want to look into Al Anon meetings. You will find lots of support and answers there as well.
Your not alone.
Many are in your shoes and know just what you are going through.
Many will be around with answers to your questions. Check back often.
You may want to read the sticky posts at the top of the thread.
Codependant no more is an excellent book. It will hold many answers for you.
You may want to look into Al Anon meetings. You will find lots of support and answers there as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hi CCU, welcome to Sober Recovery.
It's hard to watch someone you love self-destruct.
It's especially hard when they are leaning on you for support.
AA is only going to work when she's ready to make it work.
Have you thought about attending Alanon meetings?
That's a great way to meet people who are in similar circumstances.
There are some posts at the top of the board called "Stickies".
There is some good information and sharing in those posts.
No more feeling like you have no one to talk to.
There are lots of understanding ears right here.
Stick around.
It's hard to watch someone you love self-destruct.
It's especially hard when they are leaning on you for support.
AA is only going to work when she's ready to make it work.
Have you thought about attending Alanon meetings?
That's a great way to meet people who are in similar circumstances.
There are some posts at the top of the board called "Stickies".
There is some good information and sharing in those posts.
No more feeling like you have no one to talk to.
There are lots of understanding ears right here.
Stick around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 29
Hi CCU, I've only just discovered this forum and your post is from a long time ago. I'm an older sister of an alcoholic and much like you I'm feeling a lot of guilt and pain.
I wonder how things have moved on for you since your post? I've just shared my story for the first time tonight on this forum, very emotional experience, but worth it...
I hope things are better for you now and that I'll hear back from you.
Kind regards,
Lost Sister
I wonder how things have moved on for you since your post? I've just shared my story for the first time tonight on this forum, very emotional experience, but worth it...
I hope things are better for you now and that I'll hear back from you.
Kind regards,
Lost Sister
Sister of Alcoholic
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: somewhere USA
Posts: 152
Hi--
I know exactly what you're feeling. My older sister is an alcoholic, and being that we (used to be) very close, she would always turn to me for support. I'm beginning to see that I cannot be the answer to her problems or her support. She needs professional help, and until she accepts that she needs it, I cannot be involved in her alcoholism. I've taken to not returning her phone calls or picking up when she's drunk, and when we do talk, I ask her to talk to her therapist about her issues because I am not her therapist.
I'm still dealing with the guilt and the frustration; I just posted a "Help: homeless alcoholic sister wants to move in" post because my sister's now homeless and has no where to go. I honestly don't know what to do about that one.
But I feel for you and completely understand what you are going through.
Be strong!
I know exactly what you're feeling. My older sister is an alcoholic, and being that we (used to be) very close, she would always turn to me for support. I'm beginning to see that I cannot be the answer to her problems or her support. She needs professional help, and until she accepts that she needs it, I cannot be involved in her alcoholism. I've taken to not returning her phone calls or picking up when she's drunk, and when we do talk, I ask her to talk to her therapist about her issues because I am not her therapist.
I'm still dealing with the guilt and the frustration; I just posted a "Help: homeless alcoholic sister wants to move in" post because my sister's now homeless and has no where to go. I honestly don't know what to do about that one.
But I feel for you and completely understand what you are going through.
Be strong!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
As hard as it will be to do, cutting off the support until she is actively seeking help for her problems is the best thing you can do for your sister. Only she can deal with her alcoholism. By being there for her and rescuing her to whatever degree you are doing so, you are only causing yourself anguish.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi CCU, I have been going through exactly what you have said. You cant save her anymore, save yourself first. You can still love her and support her. Just dont support the emotional nonesense anymore. It drove me mad and occasionally it still hurts, until I realized I cant live her life, that is hers to do. I cant change her situation, only she can. I am here if you need someone to talk to.
Jo
Jo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Your sister would find all the support she needs in rehab and AA. I would tell her how you feel. Perhaps when she realizes that she is completely alone, she will turn to and rely upon the friends who can really help her -- those in AA. As long as you have a sympathetic ear, she has no reason to do this. You can still love her... but you don't have to listen to her problems.
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