BROKEN SPIRIT

Ive been married for 20 years now. 2 kids (teenagers). Also, have been reading what people have posted. Its sooo hard to detach yourself from someone who is an alcoholic. My husband's drinking starting right off, 1985. and it has escalated to strong binges every 2 weeks. He has stomach problems (big time), He lives on Nexium, he has been tested (liver) which is fine. He drinks a 5th of Vodka a day when he binges. Then when he quits, its days of withdrawals. We have no money, he goes from job to job, he has had a DUI, he has a real "jerk" of a friend that he always goes over to his house and leaves me home alone. I think that is because he feels more comfortable and he doesnt have to hide when he is over there. He is a real smart butt and "cocky" and tries to start fights. He calls me names all the time. He "belittles" me. How do you ignore that? Ive been kicked out of the house, Pregnant, Ive been pissed on while Iam asleep, Ive been cheated on, he takes money out of the bank and dont write it down. He wanted to kill himself a few months ago, had a gun to his head. Took him to the emergency room twice in 6 months this year. Is he in the Insane Stage of Alcoholism because I read here in this forum that its either Jail, Insane, or death. He has been in jail before, Ive called the sheriff on him. This is crazy, when he is sober, he is a great guy. My family thinks Iam nuts. I want to leave. To be honest, it scares me and I dont know why because I know it will be so much more relaxing for me and the kids if he is gone.
What are the "Tools" to help manage yourself through this.
Broken Spirit

cwohio

welcome brokenspirit - have you ever gone to al-anon? this will help you with the "tools" you refer to. i feel for you - my situation was somewhat similar with my AH. his disease progressed to the point of insanity and finally death - he passed away about a month ago from the direct results of the disease. as for the leaving part - only you can decide that - and if you do, what are the options of him leaving instead of you since you have children?

Anguished

(((BROKEN SPIRIT)))

I don't have any words of wisdom, I can only offer you my prayers and understanding...

FaithChaser

Broken Spirit,

It is hard to detach, but it is better to detach than absorb the name calling and the abuse etc.
You are definately not alone, that has been one thing that has helped me, to know I'm not alone in this struggle. There are many who have delt with this and can offer you assistance. I found alanon, and a therapist through the United Way that helped me to get started on my road to recovery.
My suggestion would be to read read read all you can to understand the concepts of alanon, read on here how others have delt with this. It was suggested to me to read Mealody Beattie's books. Everything you put towards learning gives you a new tool.

Keep coming back here, I also will keep you in my prayers.

Hugs,
~FaithChaser

Cynay

Welcome to SR.... we are so glad you found us.

Im sooooo sorry that you are having to go through this. Al-anon can help you with the tools you need, also there are some really good books out there.

Only you know when you have had enough and what your bottom is.... I can tell that you are struggling and BOY can I understand why. I was never very good at detachment either, Im progress not perfection and though I no longer have a relationship with the A that was in my life, I know that detaching is not an easy thing to do.

I have to ask too, why do you have to move?? Your the one with the children, maybe he could go live with the friend he spends so much time with... either way, we are here to support and give hope... I know I got it when I needed it. Come back and post often, vent if you need to.... just dont feel alone, cuz your not alone

BROKEN SPIRIT

(((CWOHIO))) Iam so sorry to hear the about your AH. May I ask how long he was drinking and what was the cause of passing. See, that is what Iam totally scared of.....Like I said he has real bad stomach problems....My prayers to you.
thanks
broken spirit

WhatAboutME

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then I guess it's pretty fair to say that an active alcoholic is insane, and often so are those around them (without their own recovery). My heart goes out to you, as I know you're pain too well. I am going through a very similar situation and just made the decision to separate from my husband. I am still struggling with detaching, but I am trying, which is more than I can say for him with regard to recovery. (((HUGS)))