take2

Wouldn't it be great if just for 1 day we could be as carefree and irresponsible as our A. I would love to have no cares in the world. I would love to pick and choose my priorities based on what is best for ME and no one else! Hum... pay the electric bill or buy expensive electronics that I don't really need? I would love to blame the entire world for my problems and take NO responsiblity for my own actions. I would love to go where ever I want and see whom ever I'd like regardless of anyone elses plans. I would love to say what is "really" on my mind and not care about the consequences of hurting the people I care most about. I would love to leave ALL responsibilities for the home or children up to someone else. Let someone else do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry.

OK I think you all get my point. I understand the A is sick but my god it looks like such a happy place. I know that is not the case and most are prisoners withing themselves, but for the sake of letting me vent- wouldn't it be great for just 1 day!!!

FormerDoormat

Then go for it!! Nothing wrong with tossing aside all of your responsibilities for a day. Go ahead, make it a "you" day. Do what you want, say what you want, let someone else take care of your home, children, cooking, cleaning. Do whatever you damn well please. Stop venting, and start doing, and by all means, go find your happy place.

Tally

the problem with that though, is doing it for "just one day" isn't good enough, it's the carefree attitude that we really want and that doesn't come "by the day" because we Do have responsibilities, but yeah, I agree with ya, it'd be great!!

splendra

I don't believe people driven by the compulsion to use dope or alcohol are happy and carefree they are completely miserable which is why they do what they do. After having lived in active addiction most of my life I just don't see anything but, misery on the face and in the actions of my loved ones who still use.

When I pay all my bills and take care of my obligations I feel very carefree and happy and doing something simple like taking my dog for a walk makes me very happy.

Savana 54

I hear you take2! Wouldn't it be so nice to live with Mommy when you "don't feel" like supporting yourself. Work when you feel like it, hurt the ones you love the most and then turn around and blame it all on them.

take2

I tend to agree with TheMissus. I HAVE responsibilities such as taking care of my kids day in and day out. And I guess I should have said just for 7 days or 30 days! Truth is that I live in reality and my exAH lives in a fantasy world. I can escape from time to time- but overall I have to be responsible or the bills don't get paid, the house stays dirty, the kids don't get a bath, ect. Yeah, for 1 day even 2 I can "escape" but I just wish I was as carefree EVERYDAY!!!

Former- I get your point that we should do something for us! Thanks! I love those of you who post the blunt truth- it's like a slap in the face to wake me up and I really need it from time to time.

OK- Before I get slammed by those of you who have lived the addiction- I am not writing this post to put you down in anyway. When I say "carefree" it is how I perceive my exAH to be. Based off of his actions and behaviors I call it carefree. I know that he is living a nightmare everyday- even when he is not drinking. And truth be known- I could not imagine living with an A addiction. It really must be horrible to be so consumed by something that destroys everything that was once important to them. I get that- I wrote this post out of MY frustration with the addiction. Call it selfish, it really is. But when I think of what my exAH has said and done, I HAVE to be honest on how it hurt me.

FormerDoormat

Maybe "responsibility free" is a better description than "carefree," since we all know A's are far from carefree. I know it's not realistic to escape for a week or 30 days, but I've made a concerted effort to be less responsible and more carefree (since we codies tend to take our responsibilities way too seriously).

So along those lines, I've been giving myself regular "escapes from responsibilities." One night a week, I don't make dinner and let folks fend for themselves. I come home from work, make myself a sandwich, then sit down and read a book or watch TV, then go to bed. No chores are allowed on this night.

On Saturdays, I get up early and get all my weekend chores done in one day: grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, yardwork, etc. Then Sunday is just for me. I make myself a nice breakfast and read a magazine until late morning. Then I mosey upstairs, take a shower, and get dressed (taking my time, of course, and watching Trading Spaces reruns at the same time). Then I piddle in my garden, play with my dogs, take a walk, go antiquing, or anything pleasant that comes to mind.

Once I got a taste of letting go of my responsiblities and focusing on taking care of myself, I began to feel so much less stressed and the anger and resentment I felt towards my A began to melt away.

Now I try to have "responsibility-free Sundays" as often as possible. If you can't give yourself a whole day, then just grab chunks of time when you can. It will do you a world of good. And maybe while you're focusing on you and allowing yourself to free of responsibilities, your A just might take on a few responsibilities of his own.

nocellphone

I would hate to have to endure the shame that inevitably comes after binging on selfishness and carelessness.

I know this because that's what I was always left with when I behaved that way in the past...